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Mar 2016 · 389
unconscious understanding
Day Mar 2016
push a thought to the back of my mind; too scared to listen to the truth
Day Mar 2016
stop trying to guilt me into something
you want me to be
stop trying to make me feel like I'm not good enough
to satisfy your own selfish purposes
your piecing eyes
don't faze me anymore
I'm tired of shaping myself into a person
I HATE
for what?
appearances....
so that I can stand and pose for a portrait
that if you look closely is labeled
"i'm miserable"
GIVE ME A BREAK
you don't give a  @#!
%
whether the smile on my face is genuine
Day Mar 2016
sometimes my brain doesn't work
quite the write way

the words twist on my tongue
and long for a pen
craving to been seen, to be heard

but

no one

wants

to hear

the

cries

of

innocence

dying

we turn our head and convince ourselves that *"everything will be okay"

we use this awful logic that maybe, just maybe, if we close our eyes that nothing is wrong
and when faced with the blunt truth everything is falling apart we become a nation of ignorance
spewing meaningless hate words such as "oppression" and "priviledged"
not even stopping for a moment to realize the

oh

my

God

who cares??

because while we fight about separation in our own country, people are being slaughtered without a thought in others
but as a nation of narcissistic bigots, each and every one of us, we clothe our eyes with rose-colored glasses
still yelling about being color blind

we

distract

ourselves

with petty "challenges"

as if

that could

fix

anything...

stop trying to look for something that soothes your guilty soul
and

wake

the

XXXX

up


take care in how you determine our countries future
i pray that you

actually

stop

and

THINK

*because no one wants to clean up the mess of a negligent party
this is just some abstact thoughts on America today. Please don't take this as hate because that was not at all my thoughts when writing this.
Mar 2016 · 644
ToDdLeR BrAiN
Day Mar 2016
words fall out of my mind like a little kid who tripped on a step
it starts fun and happy, then suddenly I realize everything is all wrong
but I can't stop it because my arms are to small and everything moves to fast
and
suddenly I'm
falling
But the difference in this story is that for *me

no ones waiting at the bottom
Just me
*and my hidden bruises
Feb 2016 · 316
My old friend
Day Feb 2016
Sometimes happiness creeps up
In the weirdest places
Following me ever so softly
Sometimes hiding, so I won't see her
Then pouncing onto me suddenly
She shows her face when I first wake
In the light shining into my bedroom
She appears when I succeed at something
Though she tried to appear small
She's there in a kiss from a lover
In between lips she quietly escapes
She has me when a friend laughs
And she watches as I smile
For she knows it's been a while
Since she's last came
She knows that I miss her so
And she knows
I don't want her to go.
Feb 2016 · 856
the girl who went to far
Day Feb 2016
I relapsed
and went deeper then I should've
the blood spilling all over the concrete floor
the blade finding its way to the vein

I failed
and said more then I should've
the words spewing all down his bare chest
the secrets escaping my ever so careful tongue

I lied
and went farther then I should've
the clothes falling to the overseeing floor
the hands grasping for something he could never give

I cried
and screamed louder then I should've
the sobs echoing the empty hallways of a broken home
the tears falling from a heart heavy with shame and pain

I left
and closed the door harder then I should've
the handle thrown out of an angry hand
the frame shaking with the rage of a girl who

went father then she should've
Day Feb 2016
drinking and writing are much the same,
i know both by name
both become easy
when you're feeling too much

the only difference is

one is called an addiction,
the other a passion.
Day Feb 2016
Waiting, watching, hoping, praying, needing, wanting
for
somebody,
ANYBODY
to
NOTICE ME
and I know its not socially acceptable for such a public cry of attention
so forgive me
but i'm SO tired of just sitting here hoping for
strangers....
to give me the affirmation that I am enough
am I so low to crave the eyes of people i don't even know?
...I know....that these words will go
UNNOTICED
but yet i continue to SCREAM my thoughts
and pour out my heart to you people
so thank you  for scrolling by
*if only you knew the awful AWFUL effect it has on me.
I'm sorry for this
Feb 2016 · 347
Emotions
Day Feb 2016
(Happy) For a minute
(Sad) For a while
(Lonely) Till someone's near
(Depressed) Fake a smile
(Hyper) All has past
(Angry) Don't know why
(Void) I don't know
(Anxious) Time to cry
(Happy) Feeling better
(Mad) Maybe not
(Exited)Here we go
(Empty) Time to stop
Feb 2016 · 354
Anxiety
Day Feb 2016
I was ready
until faced with the opportunity,
then suddenly
I wasn't so sure.
Day Feb 2016
it was too hard to constantly be around
some who
i loved
but didn't love me
or at least
"not in the same way"
Feb 2016 · 316
spilled chemicals
Day Feb 2016
positive energy flows from the corners of your smile
- negative attraction when you leave the room
= like a perfect polar bond
Feb 2016 · 702
things I never say
Day Feb 2016
When I told you
"i don't want to talk to anyone"
you didn't hear me whisper
"except you."
so you walked away
never knowing.
Jan 2016 · 534
he was like a cigarette
Day Jan 2016
i breathed him only once,
but that was enough,
to become addicted

Jan 2016 · 382
life is difficult
Day Jan 2016
*** is easy when it's meaningless
Day Jan 2016
~close your eyes and think of something that makes you happy

~think about someone you love

~distract yourself with good things

~cry (crying is always better then bleeding)

~remember that you never have to be "enough"

~remember that you ALWAYS are enough

~think about your future (i know it's hard)

~don't give up

~watch a happy movie

~don't ever ever give up

~forgive yourself
think is more of a list than a poem but I think it's important nonetheless
Jan 2016 · 344
Somehow
Day Jan 2016
i really thought that i would be better by now,
Jan 2016 · 362
high school's overrated
Day Jan 2016
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a girl and a boy and a hundred phone chimes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
frozen pizza and playing a song over too many times
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
video games and talking on the phone all night
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
energy drinks and midnight runs to get a light
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
lying in bed talking about endless possibilities
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
eating, sleeping and running from responsibilities
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­
a poisoned youth we hope never to be lost
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
all we can do is keep our fingers crossed
                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jan 2016 · 219
the circle of love
Day Jan 2016
being in love is either
the birth of something so beautiful,
or
the death of something so innocent.
Jan 2016 · 356
i told him
Day Jan 2016
she doesn't love you
i do
Day Jan 2016
throwing up all of my feeling in a poem
so I don't have to face them
in the "real world"
as if spilling my soul on HP
could ever fill the emptiness
consuming me whole
Jan 2016 · 1.5k
how to describe my love
Day Jan 2016
stolen glances between two depressed teenagers
Jan 2016 · 325
i'm okay
Day Jan 2016
they don't see the smile fade away as she turned away
because she had been programmed to be ashamed
to hide the pain
to never let them see the scars that crisscrossed her heart
so she never spoke
she never let them know
that everyday the figurative gun in her hand became easier to hold
she was no longer afraid
of the noise it made
she while she covered herself with others fake mask  of being "fine"
the others thought there was nothing wrong
because they were to lazy to actually ask her
*"are you sure?"
Jan 2016 · 389
playlists of the night
Day Jan 2016
intoxicated by lyrics and smoke
sobered by the hearts broke
high on lips and skin
low when pain sinks in
anxious for his love
depressed from her rejection
trying to make poems rhyme
giving up on any hopes of perfection
Jan 2016 · 553
smoking our regrets
Day Jan 2016
strawberry smoke drifts in the lungs
of a boy
thinking about the selfish brunette
that tore him apart

recycled air drifts out of the lungs
of a girl
trying desperately to make him forget
the girl who broke his heart
Jan 2016 · 997
Words like Knives
Day Jan 2016
Every word she spat at me in anger,
became another scar on my skin,
but she didn't care for she could leave
when the blood flow became overwhelming
leaving just me and my undersized bandages
Jan 2016 · 360
Tiny Liquor Bottles
Day Jan 2016
Funny how emptiness makes you feel so full.
Jan 2016 · 415
Fallen
Day Jan 2016
I'm an angel in disguise
You just can't see past
The broken wings
Jan 2016 · 687
sounds of depression
Day Jan 2016
bing
someone you barely know alerting you that you're still not good enough
ring
a person you care about calling just to see if they can use you for they're own selfish purpose
ting
a bell screaming that you're late to a class that "blesses
you with worthless education and stress
bing
an oven crying out to let you know that some food that you dont want is ready to eat
ding
showing up to a party where all anyone really cares about it whether your high or in bed
sing
another song playing some meaningless lyrics about something you have no interest in
slam
another door closing let everyone know just how much of a freak you really are
drip
blood running off of a soul that is shocked that they're anything still left inside
shuuush
water running to wash off the evidence of a broken heart dripping with liquid pain


silence
**lying on a bed alone waiting for the cycle of emptiness to repeat itself when the dawn comes
Jan 2016 · 713
dirty jeans
Day Jan 2016
you carry my heart in you're back pocket
only taking it out
when it's convenient for you
Jan 2016 · 558
"just friends"
Day Jan 2016
playful punches
translating into
adrenaline rushes
as if I've become alive
simply by
your touch
Jan 2016 · 434
broken
Day Jan 2016
suddenly the mirror shattered
revealing who she really was inside
Day Jan 2016
walking down the street at 4 a.m.
can't figure out, where I am
higher then the sun, you know
so why do I feel so low?
street lights fade in and out
now starting to doubt
the sanity of my mind
soberness of my kind
i mean how can I go
when my feet are so slow?
bottles, leaves and pills
are what time kills
but is it worth the high
when inside you slowly die?
is the blur of a night
worth the live-long fight
of trying to remember your own name
when you're done playing the game?
Jan 2016 · 625
dreaming of staying asleep
Day Jan 2016
mind drifting
pain lifting
to a place of perfection
no more chaos
no more lay-off
just me and my affection
thoughts away
time to stay
in a world of no detection
but dawn awaits
all my fates
are here from resurrection
the light shines true
i always knew
there'd be a recollection
Day Jan 2016
boys and girls
grab your knifes
rule the worlds
with me tonight
they say
love and words
is all you need
be we're trapped
by insecurity
so today
we'll change the rules
and blow 'em up
don't start a war
but
revolutionize
with passion
ablaze in
our eyes
Jan 2016 · 242
we are
Day Jan 2016
not white or black
we are
not this or that
we are
paintings grey
we are
@#!*%  and play
we are
not against or for
we are
not want some more
we are
queens and kings
we are
all these things

so don't tell me
what we are
because sorry but,
you're way to far
Jan 2016 · 773
tick tock
Day Jan 2016
counting,
waiting,
contemplating,

all this time
is quickly
fading

blinking
staring
strength is wearing

time goes by
much to fast
nothing ever seems to last

breathing
falling
death is calling

breathe in
breath out
no time for doubt
Jan 2016 · 5.8k
death of a warrior
Day Jan 2016
A moment of insanity
became the death
of everything I am
Jan 2016 · 11.4k
Strong Warrior
Day Jan 2016
To her I am a Warrior
To them I am a Coward
To some I am an Addict
To me I am  *Strong
Jan 2016 · 3.8k
Innocent Warrior
Day Jan 2016
I'm not fine
I'm not okay
sick of everyone
assuming that I am
assuming that this blinding pain
doesn't bother me
like this giant hole
doesn't consume me.
Like the gun in my hand
doesn't scare me
Because honestly?
in this moment
in this
second
I don't even know
who I
am
I'm going to start a series that involves alot of "warriors". Hope you like it!
Dec 2015 · 10.0k
timeless wonderland
Day Dec 2015
alice......*
stop trying to
keep the time
with a
broken watch.
Dec 2015 · 375
What did you do?
Day Dec 2015
All I did was fail today.
Dec 2015 · 983
haunted wonderland
Day Dec 2015
alice......
*remember that even though
you
escaped
the looking glass
you'll never escape
yourself
Dec 2015 · 689
addicted
Day Dec 2015
Falling in love with a boy who smokes
but never having the courage,
to ask for a cigarette
can you find the symbolism?
Dec 2015 · 2.5k
The homeless boy
Day Dec 2015
At age five Lincoln was taken from his single mom, who would hit him constantly, and put into a foster home that already contained 4 other boys, all older then himself. He was so frightened; Lincoln had spent all of his life up until this point alone, in isolation and fear. While this new home eliminated the isolation he still spent most of his waking hours in tears. There were many people surrounding him but no one to trust. He had “parents” who only wanted his welfare check, “brothers” who only wanted him as a punching bag, and a social worker who only saw him as another lost soul amongst thousands.
By age 12, Lincoln had been in 6 different homes, all the same as the last. His first had taught him to be afraid, his second had taught him not to trust, his fourth had taught him to run, and his fifth had taught him to fight. He learned that some things are good to be true in his sixth home. He had the perfect family, a loving mom and dad who actually cared about him, but then everything changed. His new “dad” lost his job, and everything fell apart, stress tearing apart a couple and Lincoln being shipped off to yet another new place.
He was thirteen and living in a group home for boys. He felt the push of pressure and loneliness, and found a love for the taste of alcohol and craved the dullness it brought him.  Lincoln was bullied constantly and certainly fought back, he had learned from his first mother the ability to use his fists to let out some of the anger, the rage that wouldn’t go away.
Soon, the aggression building in Lincoln would prove to be too much for the system and he would be cast away, labeled as “hopeless” and sent to a juvenile center to be away from the “socially acceptable” people.
Only sixteen now, and already Lincoln had built a criminal record. Years of low self-esteem and insecurity leading to a life of substance abuse and ****** knuckles. No one looked at him and said “Now, there’s a good kid.”, but instead mothers quickly hushed their children asking “Why is his face bleeding?” or judgmental looks at the tattoos crisscrossing and covering the scars he was to ashamed to let anyone see.
By eighteen, and out on the street, he wandered from place to place staring out with blank eyes, hoping that someone would look into his eyes and see all of the pain and maybe, rescue him, but all anyone ever saw was just a punk who should stop smoking  and just “get a job”, as if it were that easy. As if, anyone had ever taught him how to lead a life that didn’t end up in prison.
On Lincoln’s twenty-first birthday, there was no one around to celebrate, no one to smile, no one to care. He sat on a lonely bench wondering if his birth mother was somewhere out there knowing that today was his birthday, or if she was even alive. He thought about his father, thinking maybe he was leading some luxurious life not even knowing that he had a son out in the world, all alone. He held onto the hope that maybe if his father knew he existed that maybe he would care.
But inside he knew, he knew that noone cared, and no one ever would. No one would ever be concerned about the boy who never knew love.
Dec 2015 · 512
broken family
Day Dec 2015
the smoke drifts out of a soul losing his meaning
trying to drown his pain in tobacco and *****

lying in bed next to an unfamiliar face
she's lost herself to the crush of desire and shame

staring out the window with empty eyes
the child wishes for a someone, anyone to rescue him

and last, a small white cat, sitting on the couch
watching it all fall apart,* **day by day by day
Dec 2015 · 203
reflections
Day Dec 2015
looking in the mirror and not seeing myself
but the emptiness beside me
and wishing
*you were here
Day Dec 2015
shush,
now is not the time for
"I regret........"
now is the time to
*move on.
Dec 2015 · 625
it really sucks...
Day Dec 2015
our hearts are so close
and our  hands are so near
but his intentions
are, oh, so unclear

i can't tell if his eyes
are searching mine
or if
its only benign

it continual torment
because i can't let go
why can't I just ask?
well, because he might say no.
Dec 2015 · 509
Broken Angels
Day Dec 2015
I had opened my wings to fly,
but I forgot that they were broken,
by the crush of a lie,
so I fell,
opening my eyes to see
black teardrops
falling with me,
and I saw,
that even a soul become evil and dark
can know sorrow and regret
from an angels remark.
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