I looked up to him, as he stood there,
right in front of me.

I felt the stars burning inside
my clenched hands.

I wanted to touch him,
with this hopeless light running

through my long thin fingers.
The moon was imprinted
in his eyes,

and I could count
every constellation of his freckled countenance.
But, I could not yield.

He was a black hole, and I was the sun.
One step closer,
and he'd take my whole life.

What do you do with a love like that?
If not love from afar.


*Sandoval

If I could go anywhere in the world
I would go back in time to a little girl,
to myself, at 8 years old,
and make the world seem a little less cold.
I would tell her not to cry
keep her chin up and keep her eyes dry.
I would tell her to love her mother
for she loves you like no other
After this I would travel on
to 14 year old me, thought she was gone.
I would tell her, please don't use the blade
for those scars you make, they will not fade.
Please just go and ask for help
i'd scream at her but she wouldn't yelp
for she thought that this would help her then
couldn't see a future where she'd smile again
next i'd go and visit mom
i'd sit with her and keep her calm
Tell her about the pain i hid
I know she really loved her kid
she didn't see how much i hurt
all she saw were angry spurts
now i'm filled with much regret
wish i could just forget
but adversely we can't go back
as much as i wanted that
moving forward, it will not stop
we just keep on going until we drop
i try to think now what would i say
if future me, came to me today
what would she tell me?
what does she know?
i guess that i will see
when i get there, you know?