WHAT SOMEONE TOLD ME:

You don't believe things because they make your life better, you believe them because you know its true.

WHAT I THINK?:

but isn't looking at the result of a belief a good way of evaluating it's true?

"so small as to be negligible"

Its strange, but there's something in that thought that makes me feel almost...free....almost.

FEAR DOESN'T SHUT ME DOWN

it wakes me up.

I AM NOT A DESPERATE UNSTEADY CHILD WHO THROWS HER TRUST AROUND.

I

AM

NOT

DAMAGED.

i hate feeling confuse, so i just avoid it, even if it means avoiding the one thing you want most.

Now i feel even more confused, and i HATE it.

Can't pay respect when you don't have any.

Dead people can be our heroes because they can't disappoint us later, they only improve over time, as we forget more and more about them.

sometimes its perfect to be damaged.

I wonder if fear even really goes away,
or if they just lose their power over us.

In some parts of the ancient world,
the hawk symbolizes the sun.
So if i always have a picture of a hawk on me,
i will always have the sun on me,
so i wouldn't be afraid of the dark.

I was afraid of the dark,
now it reminds me of the fear I've overcame.

I read somewhere once that crying defeats scientific explanation.
Tears are only meant to lubricate eyes.
There is no real reason
for the tear glands to over produce tears at the behest of emotion.

I think
we cry to release that animal parts of us
without losing our humanity.

Because inside me
is a beast that snarls
and growls
and strains toward freedom,
toward confusion,
above all,
toward life.

And as hard as i try, i cannot **** it.

So i sobbed into my hands instead.

She stood in the mist,
waiting for him.

Always in the same place.
He always asks the same question,
"What do you want me to do?"
She never answered.
She couldn't.

All she could do was stare,
reaching toward him with her gaze alone,
pulling him down in the sorrow of those depthless black pools.

The past couple weeks
I can barely go a day
without crying and it ****** me off so much.
It ****** me off
that I can't fix whatever is going on
and that i feel like
its my fault you won't talk to me about it.

I hate worrying
every single night
hoping your not doing something t
hat could end up with me losing you.

I don't like the fact that one day
i'll get use to you not replying.

Like i told you.
I'm not happy unless you are.

And right now,
even as I am writing this
I FEEL LIKE ****.

I can't think of losing you

Just thinking about it brings water to my eyes

you became me

you are my life,
whither or not
you want something to do with me
or not

Right now I'm living in complete torture

Not being able to talk to you because right now your mad at me

and even though i know i did nothing wrong
i want to apologize on my freaking knees
because i cant stand the fact of you hating me.

I CANT

now im crying again

i know you wont never see this,
because knowing myself
i wont show you

but probably after a month of dating you

i wanted to tell you so freaking bad

i think about it every time you text me "i miss you"

i know you cant love now

i understand

but i knew i was done for

when i realized that i love you

and i love it

but no one told me it would so much torture

i cant stand you not talking to me

i cant stand not being able to see you

god if you could see me now

i want to tell you
so bad let you know
how much i love you

i love you

so ******* much

i want to scream it

you dont have to say it back

but i want you to know

how do i let you know

I remember the time you texted me
and ask if it was weird that i miss you

I probably wont never tell you this
but then i thought you was just playing around with me

Every guy i talked to
i usually play with them
then just dropped them without a blink

Ill talk to them because they they say they like me
and when i feel like they are about to ask me out,
i stop talking to them.

as a matter of fact
the day you ask for my number
i was talking to two other people.
dropped both of them within that week.

i never took relationships serious before you

when you asked me for my number
that was what i thought u was gonna do

just flirt them leave me alone

i thought i was gonna do the same

but god what did you do to me

you texted me good morning the next day

i didnt even know how to reply

and you texted me goodnight that night

and before i knew it
i was use to waking up to your texts

another thing i probably wont never tell
you was that i love you before you even asked me out

I was that person that always says **** love
i dont need that

now it feel like i cant go a day without you

god im so worried about you right now

you was really mad at me
and i dont understand
why you dont believe me

it hurts so bad that you would think that

what did i do wrong for you to think that

im ******* dying

I lie a lot

but your the only person
EVER
where i havent even told a single lie to

it shocks me but i cant bring myself to it

i need to talk to you

look in your amazing breath taking eyes

and tell you
I WILL NEVER LIE TO YOU

i couldn't even if i tried

  i hate it that your mad at me

its killing me

god its killing me

and you havent texted in so long

like every night the last  'couple weeks

but this time its different

your mad at me

god

i cant stand it

"The difference between you and me
is when you wake up
your nightmare ends,
while mines begins."


Thinking
is like being trapped in your own mind
with everything you ever had a problem with,
left to dwell on it
until you think your going insane

But again you are only confined by the walls you hold yourself