we learn
the abcs
by repeating them.
we learn
how to do things right
by doing them
every day.
so why is it
so hard
to learn kindness?
don’t we
repeat it
every day?

it wasn't my fault.
i didn't mean to,
i swear.
i would never go
out of my way --
intentionally,
to upset you like that.
i hate seeing you like that!

why do you think i did it?
do you really think
that little of me?

i would never hurt you
because i wanted to.
i never want to.

its not my fault.
i didnt do anything wrong,
it was all
you.

it feels like you've
carefully planned this.
every millisecond,
making me
feel like the guilty one.

im not.
its not my fault.

your intention was to hurt me.
and you succeeded,
with a bonus of
making me feel
guilty.

i met you
on a quiet tuesday,
in the soft sunlight 
of a small beach café.
you looked bored --
so i walked over,
and we got to talking.

that same day,
two years later --
i walked back
into that café.
on a quiet tuesday.
in the same soft sunlight.
i ordered the same drink.

and i saw you,
from afar.
i didn't dare go over.
you were just bored.
and i was never
enough
to cure that alone.

“such a happy girl”
2017: yes cuz i’m getting ice cream!!!
2024: yes cuz tonight i am attempting.

see the difference?
no?
i wouldn’t think so.

re-lapse, re-cover
re-peat, re-pair
re-act, re-press
re-lapse, re-member

im addicted
im addicted to hating myself
im addicted to crying over you
im addicted to longing for the warmth of your touch
im addicted to reliving moments in my head i would give anything to get back
im addicted to looking at you and still getting butterflies
i know i shouldn't, but that's why its called an addiction

Why must I be within your heart
This hurts as I wanted to leave,
When with eternity you grow,
And every fare declines way.

This could mean I shall stay,
But for whom,
Just for you.

I press my hand down,
Slowly, onto the surface
Taking in all of what I feel
A slow still, a polite chill

I think it's oak, maybe mangrove
Aged richly to a russet fade
I trace the grains,
Nothing to be unsee.

There's hints of umber
And a dash of pecan,
A smell so earthy, divine
Softly coated so nothing splinters

Lines trace the frame
Like a painter pieces a canvas
Swirled lines like calligraphy
A piece of art.