the story goes
that van gogh would eat yellow paint
in hopes that it would
put happiness inside of him –
probably the same reason
he drank absinthe.

i never understood that level of desperation –
except i painted my fingernails yellow today
in hopes that sunshine
would flow from my fingertips
instead of the torrential downpour
that i’ve made a home out of.

but it only reminds me of van gogh
and new york city
and you –
lots of starry nights

who knew you had the power
to make everything feel so grey in your wake?

if you think about it,
all of us have our own yellow paint –
something we cling to for refuge
even though we know it’s killing us, slowly,
the temporary solace feels worth it
if only for a moment

and you were mine.

- courtney l. p.

I’m tired, but I just can’t sleep.
I’m hungry, but won’t ever eat.
I hate that I’m quiet, but will never speak.
I miss my mom, but wont try to seek.
I hate myself, but am not trying to be better.
What’s wrong with me, why am I letting myself wither.
Is this my life, just reduced to litter?

I’m gonna have to dig a little deeper, to keep the world away
Dig a little deeper just to have a place to stay
I’m gonna dig a little deeper, down past the underground
Dig a little deeper until there is no light or any sound
I can’t live up here; there’s too much noise and light
I’ve got to get down, down where it’s dark as night
Don’t need no sunshine or blue skies turning grey
I just need to dig a little deeper so I’ll have some place to stay
Dig down deeper where the worms might crawl
Dig a little deeper so I don’t have so far to fall
Maybe if I dig deep enough I’ll come out the other side
Dig so deep that I won’t have a place to hide

When we were young we loved so much
The plans we made and the time we lost
Together we learned to face our fears
It was just another time of years

We lived, we loved and we tried so hard
We watched our children grow
We made our place and we cried our tears
It was just another time of years

Now it’s time we are looking back
We both know where we’ve been
We stood strong beside all our piers
It’s just another time of years

my heart is a landing pad
breathe in
catch
breathe out
let go
breathe in
catch
breathe out
let go
breathe in
breathe in
breathe in
i cant catch
breathe oubreatheinbreatheinbreathein

the
smell
of the
barbecue grill
taunts
my hunger pains
I walk on by
uninvited
with no place
to
go.

it’s sad to say
that nowadays
a smile
is more often
used
to hide depression
rather than
express
happiness.

love,
to me,
felt like warm rain --
it was
gentle,
but still somehow
it was just enough
to soak me
completely.

The Devil
Doesn’t tear you down
He builds you up
Until

You believe you can
Do it alone
Then he smiles
As you fall

And you always fall