I've spent my life recovering from things that I should have been protected from.

I was too young to become a ghost full of grief, children are supposed to be happy and free.

don't tell me I wouldn't be who I am today, without all the struggles I faced.

I already know that. I could have been a kid instead of being forced to grow up.

the people who were supposed to protect me,,
failed me. no amount of healing will change that.

**** right I'm angry, I'll never get my childhood back.

. It’s like I don’t know why I search for answers , when I know my heart wants nothing to do with life. Even mustering words to be noticed doesn’t matter. Anyone can say anything, truth is life is unfair, we just want to squeeze some false hope out of it. I hate myself, and I hate people.  but as time passes I lose my state of thought, now I don’t even respond to pain like I use to. I just let it soak in, I don’t eat like I use to , I just let my stomach feed off of me, I don’t speak to anyone anymore, I just stare at them and pretend the voices is some eyrie soul telling me to end my life. We hold on to life because we don’t know what’s going to happen. As I slip away day by day in my thoughts I find I’m dying slowly. Slavery was around the corner. The world is not over it. I won’t speak of power, who cares who wants it. All I want is the same as you , to forget everything and not forget how much I hate being alive , I have no friends I don’t want any, I don’t see family I don’t want any. Alone makes you crazy, I talk to myself, and I bleed. When you become lost. Nothing matters what ppl say. Cause everyone is a hypocrite me too . Hope you find a way to live. If you have to go then sit and pray to anything , the devil God the plants pray to the insects that bit you. Just find energy to deter your mind. Because you will do it **** your soul then you will **** yourself. Don’t research anything on the internet it’s designed to make you wanna die more. Nothing can help you in life when you give up. That doesn’t mean nature cannot help. Hug a tree , lie in dirt and roll and scream out loud make the world hear you. If your ashamed to do any of this then you haven’t reached the stage of suicide you just feel life is unfair and wanna die. For me , im crazy and won’t accept help,  Why is like this, because all I see is slavery in life. Freedom is there but you suffer if you don’t input to society , so be here if you want go if you want. Stop worrying about who has the better answer for your problems , none of them can help you. Not even me, so die if you want live if you want post a message about dying if you want. You will still feel the same. I pray to the universe that the strings of your life be plucked differently so that your burdens in thought will fight for you and not against you.
L.S.

I survived and im not stroger for it...
I am not proud to wear the scars. They are a reminder of the pain i endured .. although my body has healed ,my mind still feels like its fresh
People around me are so tired of my same story, I don't even tell it anymore ,i wish they understood how tired i am to ... Tired of pretending im okay, and that time heals wounds ( they Don't)
The trauma literally changed ny brain  hippocampus, weakened weak prefrontal cortex....
                  L.S.

SPEAK

As I wake up to the morning sun
I hope my nightmare won't be true
But my nightmare is not a dream
And now I don't know what to do

I know no matter how hard I try
I can't change what has happened
But if I try to keep it all inside
It's only me that I am trappin'

Everything feels like it's falling apart
And all the work I've done, for not
Now there's a crater in my heart
That you left in there to rot

It's all coming back again
All the hurt from my past is here
I don't want to do this all again
And not a thing at all is clear

I will not stay silent, no I won't!
I will speak what's on my mind
I will not crawl inside my hole
I will fight for what is mine

I cannot sleep it all away
I can't hide from everyone
I have to go through everyday
As I wake up to the morning sun

Kimmy

I wake up in the morning and I already feel as I have failed.  And I know it’s confusing for
You and it doesn’t look like I have done a single thing . But please know that sometimes fighting looks a little different for me. Sometimes failure doesn’t require action, it only requires that I moved in my mind And my minds not impressed with what I did ,
I hate to reduce my depression down to an   hypothetical illusion inside my head , because it’s more than that, and much heavier . But if I somehow can make you understand half the reason why  I can’t move from my bed today , then maybe I’ll be one step closer to breathing a little easier . If I can somehow share what it’s like to be in my mind, then I’m one step closer to being liberated of it. Maybe if I can make you comprehend why I feel like a failure when i haven’t done a single
Thing your understanding will somehow set me. Free

I had always been in a relationship, so being alone wasn’t something I was used to.. when I wasn't with someone
I became the one thing I realized that I feared the most........  ALONE
I had always chased love, not because I always found the person to be irresistible or appealing, but because I didn’t want to be alone.
I sacrificed what I really wanted because of my subconscious fear of facing life without someone.
It’s those defining moments in life that changes  not only you, they can change your entire future as well.
I never had to face myself because I was wrapped up in someone else all the time..
And now, as I looked in the mirror, I realized that I didn’t know the woman staring back at me..
At least not in the way I should.
Sure, I knew the basics of what I liked and didn’t like, but I didn’t really know the answers to all the hard questions.
I knew who I was..but only through the eyes of others- not because I knew and loved myself.
What made me truly happy?
Where was my joy?
Did I do the things that filled up my soul?
I had spent all my time and energy on other people instead of focusing on me.
A single tear welled up and rolled down my cheek as I stared in the mirror.
I had never truly loved and found myself because I was busy trying to love people that didn’t deserve me..
And more importantly, I would never be able to accept real and lasting love until I learned to love myself first.
It’s a hard place to be when you finally understand that you’ve neglected your own self love and happiness for so long..
But that stops now.
I’m tired of choosing love because I’m lonely..
No, I want love to choose me because I’m happy..and because it’s what I want.
That they are who I want, not just who I’m settling for to not be alone.
No more dead end men and kissing frogs that pretend to be princess just because I’m scared to be alone.
No, I’m going to chase a different kind of love now..
The type that won’t let me down, that’ll always be there and will always be worth it in the end.
The kind of love that is genuine, passionate and respectful- one that I’m proud to call my own.
I’m going to spend my days making my heart happy and my nights fulfilling my soul.
It’s time I changed my life..most of all, starting with me.
I’m going to do more than fall in love with being alive..
I’m going to fall in love with the person that I should have loved a long time ago..
The best love story of all: with myself.
That’s the happily ever after I’ve always deserved..
And now, I got this..
I don’t know where I’m going or how to get there, but I’ll find my way-
One step at a time.
❤❤❤

She has two faces.
One face that she shows the world, loved ones, and in public.
The smiling one.
The happy, friendly, and talkative one.
The confident one full of laughter and positivity.
The face that everyone is used to.

The second face is the real face.
The one she tries not to show anyone.
The face behind closed doors, when she's alone away from the world, in the security of her own emotions that she doesn't want to show anyone else or have to explain them.
It's exhausting trying to look happy and like nothing is bothering you.
The face that stares off at nothing or patterns on the floor or drapes.
The face that cries in the shower, in bed, car rides alone, cries sitting on the couch, or doing things around for house.
The sad face that stares back at her in the mirror and looks nothing like she used to be.
Well to her anyway. Others say she looks the same. The face that looks strong to the people she knows, but is really just shards of broken glass inside.
Yes, the girl that was there for everyone, and strong for others...is now split into two.
Two faces, one broken spirit.
She can't bear the losses.
It feels like a chapter of a wonderful book closed never to be open again.
All she has are memories and visions in her head that she plays over and over.
Nothing is the same to her.
Everything is different. She can't cope with daily life, her Doctor said. So she writes to help herself, and she has her two faces.
What's funny is, the sad face is the face worth a thousand words underneath in the depths of complexity.
While the happy face full of laughter, love, positiveness, and fun...is a straight shooter."-