Lost in the waves again. Goodbye for now.

I know a guy, never wanted a kid
But he loved his daughter so,
Much so that he was afraid to care for her,
Coddle her, and through the years he
Began to pull away
He blamed her mistakes on her mother,
It was easier that way
He didn't want to see her eyes when he shouted
He couldn't control his threats or his temper
And it made him feel good to get adoration,
No commitment, just a little fee
Did he really love the woman to whom he said,
"I love you more than my wife and child combined"?
Was it warmer than the isolation of sleeping alone in their bed
I know a guy, who never liked children
Even his own, but who would've known?
He never was with them.

.come back to bed
Such a sweet little lie
Such innocuous fragility,
Distorted intimacy,
The sweet naive kind
That leaves hardened hearts weak
Sleep-laden words could always undo
Or terrify me.

Falling.gasping. Desperate.scared
Wet concrete, colder than the laser light dome
tendons aching from the running.
Collar bruised. Lip bleeding.
Costume... tor n at the waist.
It was. Well it makes more sense
When you know it was a big bad wolf
who threw her against the-
Blood. Biting wind. Headlights passing.
But there was warmth
Green eyes. Sunshine hair. Toothy grin.
Arms saying "everything will be okay"
Not like.
The wolves.
With their rough palms. Leers. Cars.
Heaving. Sobbing. Spitting. Running fingertips
across the cold concrete until they bleed.
A broken cell phone so like a broken bottle
Its so much worse to be betrayed by
One's own last hope.
Starving.empty*

Black

I wasn't there, when you grabbed my hand and asked me to listen
I wasn't in the room with you
You saw a woman whose eyes spoke of unending
Then I began our ending, I wasn't there to watch you go
It started when I traveled to Italy, touching stones, forums, dust
Cool running water against my lips
The pictures I took look better without me
I remember saying, so shall you be
But I wasn't there, and you didn't try to catch the longing slipping through the bones in my hand as I faded again,
You couldn't really see me, could you

This is life, not heaven, and when our angels cry,
We cry with them

I live my life in constant fear of finding out,
That all the adventures worth-while
Are done
That there is nothing left to discover,
Nothing wild,
And there will be too many rules guarding,
Those which remain.

So I'll try to take control of the darkness again,
If only though, the pen in my hand
If there's nothing to gain, then there's nothing to prove
If there's nothing to lose, then there's nothing to lose

I want to be beautiful poetry, but instead I am vapid stanzas,
An indrawn breath between the lines.
The dampened air before the rain, and the traffic light that never turns
I am the catch in a song and the dying embers of firelight,
I am an inland lighthouse.
I am an abandoned wasps' nest and a mangy alley cat,
A tarnished ring in a landfill,
But I am also pearlescent, the destination after a long journey,
Beautiful, in its own way.

I could spend my life,
Studying for a test I'll never take
I could spend my life,
Worrying about a failing grade or expulsion
But then I'd never live,
And I've given all I could give
Taken all I could take, and you crushed it in your hand
So I don't have an after-high school plan,
I've given adulthood all I can-
I could spend my life,
Wishing dreams would just come true
Or I could spend my life, just being me and doing what little I can do

Sitting at the park, pen in one hand, knife clenched in the other
When the sprinklers go by I can see the children on the swings,
Lost souls running on the playground
Some day soon I won't be able to shake off the delusions
It's not safe to be a practicing witch,
And no one should play with spirits.

Someone slipped into my bed, last night
Carrying the scent of my perfume
They lifted the covers and curled against me
I turned and threw my legs over their slight, lithe frame
I awoke much the same, but alone, with the distinct feeling,
Someone slipped into my bed, last night

I'm drowning.
Check back later.

What a beautiful sorrow, what a beautiful pain
That I can't touch you in the morning,
I can't take your tears away
And as a lark I sing for you, you feel the depths of my emotion
This voice you gave me, I'll gladly share
I wish you'd do the same
I wish you'd feel the same
But I can't reach you, I can't hold my hand out and try
You wouldn't take it if I offered,
I can't hold you when you cry
But you're so beautiful, I wish you wouldn't despair
You're so full of life, but there's nothing there

I hear my neighbor's daughter's boyfriend's chevy pull up
I smell her smoke and feel her drink
And wonder if it's the same
for every girl
Well I'm not like you, I hope, but I'm going through the same thing
Puts us both on heartbreak lane
And there's a jr high dance pounding in the background
As we pour another drink
And I wonder if it's the same
for the boys whose lives changed by us
Being their new thing
So I'm sorry if I hurt you,
Down on heartbreak street
Just trying to beat the same as when
We had nothing worth losing

I might just be an echo of a star trying to burn her way home

I want to go to bed
It's not a question, it just is
I'm a broken little doll,
But I can't feel a thing
Drunk or sober,
Whole or bleeding,
Dead or sleeping,
No, I can't feel a thing

Good morning, moonshine.

And how can you say I think nothing but of myself! Am I as narcissistic as my father?
When I memorize every detail garnered of those I speak with, on a daily basis. When I take their history and position into account when regarding their words?
When I often choose the phrases which will please them most? When I am counseled and skilled in only my words. My concern is often naught but for those I love, my own desires be ******. Though when they make appearance, I cannot reconcile them to silence.
It's true, I am a vain and pride thing, that regards herself as well when she speaks,
But I thought you knew better than that.

You're a **** I watered until you overcame me

One day, when I was very little,
My mother took me travelling
We went so many places, the whole world to see
That I lost my home on the road
And I forgot there was ever a place
That was a home just for me

She's slowing down, she's not as strong as she once was
I can't breathe, I'm not as young as I once was
She asks how can she can live it down, all the pain that she's fought through
Don't know when, when I gave up the follow through
And she's down on her knees, ****** knuckles in the sand
If this war is over, why am I still living it
There's a monster she killed, she killed but she became it, screaming
If only I knew then what I know now
She'd turn the gun around, and **** the one she was meant to

Once upon, a foreign dream,
I used to know so familiar
A girl like me, but oh much older,
And the world was wider, kinder

When I knew the world was big enough
For both my hopes and bad luck
And life seemed to cradle me as yolk
Reaching for something to move me

That unsteady, high note, catching in my throat
And though I reach it loud and determined,
Sound's a little broken,
All I'm hoping,

Is I keep hoping
On a foreign dream

Once I was a lark, you freed me from my cage
You brought me to the moonlight, I could breathe again
In your eyes I bathed in the moonlight,
In my eyes you did the same
In your love I was saved,
But was caged all the same

Missed calls and messages,
Feeling like a little kid
Always waiting for the other shoe to drop

You thought you'd be,
A temporary bandaid,
You tried to help me out for your own sake,
And I thought it was real
But you never wanted to stay part of me
And when you rip yourself away,
I'm going to bleed.

Hold my drink as I take the stage,
I drink too much, more than I gauge-
Hold my lighter, cigarettes,
I'm dancing for the strangers' gaze
Watching me, watching them,
Throwing my head for a good time
Only a good time

Before we leave, slow dance to Bowie,
You don't know the words but I
I know every instrument
Could that be what you meant
When you said "I love you"
And I'm freaking out on your
"I love you"
Because

I get it if this night was enough to
Throw you over the edge into
but I'm still stuck on a preface,
Preface, intro, first chapter
Did we even open the ******* book, dude
I just want to
Fall into the music and I
Can't back out of your confession so I
Said I love you back. Before you could ask.
If I really meant it, I'll just pass out and

Then you can't ask me to say it again
Maybe I can just pretend it never
Will happen again.

I bet it was really fun, being a friend
And you tell me how you're hurt
And my heart breaks in two
Now is it better to live lonely,
Or to have fake friends, like you?

And the pain sets in,
That ache in my abdomen,
Soon as the rains come back
I should never have asked whether the sun would stay
This time

These days I've been drinking ***** like water,
Trying to laugh a little harder,
To drown out the world

But you are a coward,
Even in your conviction of being courageous,
You will remain alone. And this is ridiculous.

I know all you want is to come home.

I could not blame him for his fool heart,
Not his love for me nor his parting
That he write me in good spirits or low.

Finding no fault in his intentions,
I suppose I'm content to let him,

We are but two rivers on opposite courses
If we have the same origin, or deposit,
I do not claim to know

I could no more blame him for his fool heart,
Than blame myself for mine.

I want nothing to do with your ill cigarette
Rolled by filthy fingers
Cushioned by pretty, mock-up lips
I just want to lay beside you,
Without tasting your ***** breath
I just want to lay beside you,
Like we're going to live.

You win some, you lose a lot.

There's a room,
Within the little shop
Behind the girl with the sign
That says "dreams for sale"
It's usually kept locked
But some nights, they open up

Inside the room there's an orchard
It's endless, and sunny
There's names upon the apple trees
I stop and trace one with my finger
Then, there's a man with me.

"I'm sorry," I say, his eyes are bright
I don't remember them that bright,
I only remember when morphine took their light
He smiles and says, "For what?"
But I just tear up, and hug him, and then
We talk for hours, but when I leave,
It's still night.

So one night, when you're hurting,
Come find the shop, and visit my tree
And then I won't be lost anymore
Because you can always find me.
If the dead are gone, it's hard to move on
But we'll always be with each other, see?

I’m in the same way I am tired of speaking, tired of my written voice.
I’m by no means burnt out but I feel watered down, and I want to say it’s just my way of coming off an emotional haze.

Because I’m not the girl who burned hot and fast and bright and died out.
I’m just me. Lashing out and breaking down.

I met a lover lied. I told him all my lullabies.
But the silence in my heart drove him mad.
Drove him mad.
He said I’m screaming.
Like a little bowl
Echoing off the essence of a hollow soul

Play our song, you won't come back,
Be everything you wanted, it's too late to ask
If you still remember me
I'm trying to tough it out, be all you'd have me be
It doesn't even matter anymore
That I'll never see you standing at my door,
I just want to be the person you wanted me to be
Because that's all I ever wanted to be.

Wrapped up in all this hurt,
We can't heal each other
Try to put the pain to words,
Why do I even bother?
Through this hate and animosity,
You say you wanted to be closer,
But I know you just want to be free
So be free

I know you think I'm a devil in an angel's skin,
Wanna fight a holy war, that you'll never win.
Trynna fight hellfire, with the flames of your desire,
Tempt me with the promises of original sin.

Think you can tame me but the odds are out
Keep sayin' you'll save me that's not what I'm about
Oh but you're still by me and keeping score
Baby I'm just human and I'm nothing more

Echoes of memories we don't even have, you'll know them
By the tang of flambeed strawberries at the back of your teeth
When you walk through the village main
And see me beside you in every reflection, in the shop windows
We are laughing and pointing and leaning against each other
You will smell my perfume in the snow on the mountain
And feel my caress when you topple in the powder

We can tire each other out putting our blinders on
Focusing in the motion and control of each leg
bound to each skii in a beautiful machination
of each day we spend living in isolation

We can drive until we lose the road and
Lose our culture, lose our language
We can drink until the lights become loud
And the ringing in our ears is deja vu
To all the times we said we'd stay together
And each body passing us in crowded clubs and bars
Will have a hint of me, a hint of you
So much so it'll send you reeling

Always in your peripheral
I will never be there
No matter how I wish you were still here

The only remaining scar is the one you caused,
Not any of the ones you couldn't bear before
It may have been incidental,
It still itches
Why did you leave, love?
Leave me in stitches?

Today you drowned out more than yesterday
Will you ice your lips again?
Will you kiss the mirror, ghosting breath against it
Just to know you’re alive?
Today you almost did it, pulled the silk of water to your neck
And split the seams between your fraying skin
Tomorrow we will sow it up again
But tonight you’ll season guilt with resolve,
Putting both on the steak you gulp down
As greedy as a last meal, one you’d thought you’d never have again
And again.
Tomorrow night I’ll find you here with a blue smile and dented fingers
Gripping the silver fork, as tight as a vice,
As you hope to choke on chicken bones,
And smile so easy
And never think twice.