I held you
tightly,
on top of an
eight-story parking lot,
right after a cigarette
and a long walk
down the bayou.

A city so similar,
yet so different
from our own,
the smell of desire
checking corners,
slipping through museum corridors,
obsessed with
uncentering paintings
drawn long before
you and me.

Before we leave,
to return to the mundane,
I perch a kiss,
so unnecessary,
but so needed.

Flowers start blooming,
first between cracks in the pavement,
then in the hollow of my chest.
Their roots stretch inward,
clinging to all that
once felt barren.

Petals unfurl
in places I thought
were long forgotten
soft violets behind my ribs,
sunflowers tracing
the outline of your smile.
Each bloom carries
the weight of us,
fragile, fleeting,
but alive.

Do you
look up
From your
work as much
As I do
when I
just need
To get another
look at you,
It’s a straight
rush of dopamine
To be able to
Place my eyes
Upon your
Curves that
Like hibiscus
Flowers
Let butterflies
Rest upon
The petals that
Droop down
After a day
Of rain.

It’s 1 am,
My friend in the
Front seat rolls
Another blunt
As the light
Post that are
Starting to
get warm
Cast a shadow
Of the old
Jeep wrangler
That we ride in
Going nowhere,
We take a right,
And then a left,
I sit in the back,
With a light mentol
American spirit
Perching upon
My lips,
Im lost in a train
Of thought,
You can almost
See the steam
Oozing from
My head.

The ship goes down again,
And I go down with it,

Pummeled by opposing waves,
I linger.

Another pair of eyes,
Another warmth against my skin,

Another strand of hair
My hands have traced

Built castles,
And demolished them.

Turbulence,
So much turbulence,

I drown
In this everlasting feeling.

Yet, I reach for the surface,
Moonlight just out of my grasp.

home cooked dinners,
Fresh cinnamon brownies,

Just out of the oven,
A last minute road trip

Your hands, my hands,
Your lips, my lips.

Another soul
To miss.

The moon shines
bright tonight,
My hand extended
Closing in on
the ropes of light
That tie it down,
To be set in space
and time.

As I manage
to get a hold,
I pull and pull
with my back,
The seas tremble,
The ground laments,

What can I do?
But fall into desperation.

What can I say?
When there’s nothing to be said.

I fall back,
As my lower back aches
Like an old man’s
fishing at sea,
To show me
How heavy the moon
Really is.

Unattainable.

I’ve stopped dreaming
Of bringing down
The moon to your feet
I’ve also forgotten how silence
Sounds with you.

God spoke
to me today,
In the voice
of a precious
Woman who hides
From all
that’s wrong
Underneath her
Sheets.

The voice
soothes
My aching
bones,
That drag
behind
My skin,

It urged me
to believe,
To hope,
to love,
to want.

But how
can I
when all
I ever
wanted got
thrown
Into the
passion of
Burning fire.

And God,
I can’t
find myself
Today.

Or tomorrow

Or yesterday

Like a bee
In summer
Heat,
I get lost
in the
Flower
petals
And
the smell
Of gardenias

The nectar
that drips
off my lips
Helps
Me cope
Around
Sky scrapers
And this
unbearable
Ache that
Has found
a home
Somewhere
around
My chest.

How can
I God?

Throw a
Life vest
My way.

How much
Do I have
To beg
To be
Found?

I’ve been on the tight
Rope lately,
And every time I fall
The net of old habits
Saves me with an embrace
So warm and familiar,

I let my fingers
Fall through just to see
How the other side
Would feel like,
Silent and cold,
Another familiar feeling

underneath
Cold bottles and
Lighter fluid,
Today I accidentally
Let the cigarette bud
On my legs run
Their course,

While I wonder how
She’s doing,
I wonder if there would
Still be passion
Behind every kiss,
Would the wind carry
Her scent towards me

I’m just an infant,
And it dangles keys
To catch my attention,
While her eyes glow
As we match the beat
That red cells carry
Through my veins,

But it was up to
Yesterday,
And time has
Been a great enemy,
Betrayer of the
Unfortunate,

Holding my head
Down towards
My mistakes, like
A dog it walks
Me through
The side walks
Of my apartment complex
For everyone to see.

I’ll hold unto
That shame in my
Briefcase along
With others,
I’ll put on a
Great smile
And baggy clothes,
And i’ll hop on
the summer breeze
Like dandelion seeds
Towards new beginnings

I saw her working,
as soon as I came
into this diner.
She shines a light,
I know it well,
yellow like sunflowers,
like rays of sunshine.

A presence so apparent,
it has me walking down
the street with a smile,
while I stitch my heart
together again,
maybe for the last time.

Just wait for me
a little longer, please.
The leaves are just
starting to fall,
to decay.

The trees grow
And will keep
Growing old,
The minutes pass
Through them
Dying off at
61 seconds
Like a stem
Of bundled
Up geraniums
That waited
for the cold
To pass,
A corpse murdered,
Leaving only the
Skeleton of what
Was once loved,
Motionless with age,
And then comes the rain,
Washing away
Spilled blood,
Silence, rain,
Turning the ground
Into stone,
Where a river will
Run through,
Waving life
As butterflies emerge
From their cocoons,
Natural, a sign,
Like the light
That shines upon
The moon and
the moon shines
Upon us,
So much fog
Will dim it
So much
Like smoke
Breaking loose
From a fire,
In the woods
Nothing is certain
But the man living,
And eating,
And smiling,
Noticing that
The trees
Eat time.

What a long week,
A long month, a long year,
Followed by long hours,
And long seconds.

I’ve resorted to selling
All my distractions
And hell, was I distracted.

Now I sit in diners,
Drinking coffee
After a long night.

My pockets are empty,
But my soul keeps growing.
He’s starting to receive
Hand-me-downs from the public,
A new kind of love.

And I’m slowly
Finding myself.

I used to pray at night,
before bed,
to wake to another morning,
to be spared from the evil
that roams this earth.

I was raised on Catholic morals,
grew into this body
with their weight on my shoulders.

The golden rule only applies
to those who apply it,
morality blurred in the unexpected,
lost between who’s right
and who’s wrong.

the mornings
keep getting longer.

Choose me,
Use me,
Let me
Take
Your
Troubles
Away.

I realize two things
As I’m walking down
Memorial city mall,
I remember every
Corner store,
Every turn and
Candy store,
I remember my
Legs trembling
Through multitude
Of people walking
Down the enormous
Open hall, nervous,
Holding tight onto
The hands of
A lost love,
As my insides
Twisted and turned,
My mind clutters
Like the house
Of a hoarder who’s
Passion is collecting
Misfortune and bad
Decisions,
Also, there’s no Barnes
And noble in here,
How unfortunate.

The sound of your voice
Enters through my veins,

It runs havoc as I listen to
You speak how your day went,

Chained by the tremble
In between words

and the way your lips
Would taste like honey,

I try to concentrate but my
Eyes set me loose

As I trace the moles around
Your body,

Constellation of fallen stars
Adorn you from head to toe,

I connect them with stellar
Imagination and wonder,

Which one would I plant
A kiss on first,

Then second,
Then third,

I would spend many days,
And maybe months,

Traveling the wild waters
Of your curves,

On a sail boat,
I hope for a tragedy,

For the wind to get too
Rowdy and tip me over,

So I can swim on the corners
Of your hips,

And drown on the shores
Down your legs

Be careful
when you decide
to sit down and rest.
You might take too long
and the sadness
might not leave.

No one’s here
to lend a hand,
so keep an eye
on the oil in your car,
the way your teeth
are falling apart.

Tend to your hurt.
Cradle it
rock it to sleep
against your
beating heart.

Drum your pooling blood
onto the page.
Write life.
Rest.

But please be careful,
the world keeps going,
even after death.

I find myself lost for words
Every time that I stand in front
Of you,

I can feel my eyes looking for
Yours getting disoriented along
the way, eye contact has
never been my
Strong suit,

As I see the walls close in on us,
I can feel all that I’ve been wanting
To say get stuck on the roof of my mouth,
Creating a sky with stars that burns
A hole through,

In the few years that I’ve lived,
I’ve never been a talker,
But I think of all the ways
I would tell you how
The way you walk away,
Leaves me craving that you
Would turn around and give
Me a little more of your time,
Precious, I’m lost in what
I should have said,

In the space in between your steps,
In the way your hair curls and drips
Down your shoulders putting
Down a blanket where I could lay,
I find myself caged,
Bound to the bars by ball and chain,
Wishing that these words would
Find their way to you,
To let you know how
You make me feel
On a day to day.

Y me encuentro,
sentado en bloques
de cemento,
en medio de docenas
de árboles de Navidad
encerrados en corrales
que construí con mis propias manos.

Te miro,
y pienso en cómo
la vida nos ha tratado
tan mal, tan fría.
Y también en cómo
serían las cosas
entre tú y yo,
si hubiéramos subido
al mismo autobús
al mismo tiempo.

Miro en tus ojos
y no encuentro nada,
así que buscaré respuestas
en el cielo,
en las sombras de tu cabello,
escondido entre telas.

Cuánto me he perdido en ti
tanto tiempo, tanto cariño,
tantas hojas de papel
con tu nombre en tinta
de bolígrafos que ya no escriben,
tantas miradas llenas de sentimiento.

Cuánto me perdí en ti,
vagabundo en busca de un hogar,
caos andante
entre biombos fugaces,
con la extraña sensación
de ser alguien,
para ti y para mí.

Amor mío, mi alma
fuera de mi cuerpo,
te sientes como el
sol mañanero
tras una noche oscura,
tormentada.

Tu sonrisa
se asoma en tus ojos,
tu perfume se arrastra
por la almohada,
se queda pegado
como chicle.

Cuando me despierto
y no estás a mi lado,
me comeré las migajas
de ti
con una taza de café.

Muchos no entenderán
cuánto te anhelo,
desafiantes,
contra una
corriente.

Will you stay?
Wrapped around
My arms underneath
My sheets,
And my pillows,
And the ceiling fan,
And the ceiling,
And the sky,
Let me fall
Into a deep slumber
As the warmth of
Your breath against
My chest defrost
Ancient drums
That pound a beat
So lost in time,
I start to believe again.

que seran de tus ojos,
Ojos que insitan a pecar,

Color madera en medio
Del bosque,

Los escuchare caer
Hasta en mis sueños,

Que pena me dio,
Ver inundaciones

Y terremotos,
Huracanes

Y tormentas
Sin nombre,

El silencio
Despues es aterrador,

Me intento esconder
Debajo de sabanas

Despues de haber
Cerrado cortinas.

Arropado en un
Mar de tela,

Me ire desasiendo
De ti

Y te sudare
Como una fiebre,

Ya que es tarde,
Y a pasado tiempo,

Tiempo en el que
Ya no te tengo,

Perdido
Y desorientado,

Me ahogo
Mientras duermo,

Asi que mardito,
Vagare las noches,

trabajare de dia,
Y olvidare tu nombre

En arenas blancas
Bajo una noche estrellada.

As I sit
In the middle
Of a blunt
Rotation

I lean back on
The chair
As the birds
Fly by,

The sun filters
Through the
Leafs of an
Oak,

“What is it
That you guys
Say again?”
“Puñeta”

Everyone erupts
Simultaneously,
“Puñeta!”
And we laugh.

a corona gets
Passed from hand
to hand
And I watch

This salvadorian
Make a perfect
Puerto Rican
Impression

That for a second
Got me at the edge
Of my seat
Holding on

Onto the arms rest,
Sobered up my high
And made me feel
Like I was sitting

Back home
At the edge of
The bottom
Bed

Of my friends
Bunkbeds,
I laugh and
Take a swig

Off the cold
Bottle and wonder
Why it tastes
So bitter sweet.

My thoughts scramble
And dig and dig
Until they reach
My skull where they bump
The shovel and Grit
Their teeth.

I have not allowed
Myself to be near
Real windows,
Not because
I’m scared of what
I would do,
But because I’m
Always drunk or high
And I could tumble
My way off a 5th
Floor by accident,
Or I could stare
Deeply into the crowd,
People. People. People.
So many walking fast,
Others holding hands,
The sky is falling,
I wish I could open
This window so
I can warn them,

But I am so tired.

I would like
To close my eyes
While I lay on your
Thighs and your hands
Knock on the door
And make themselves
At home while
Playing with my hair,
And I for the first
Time in what feels
Like forever,
Sleep and dream
Of love
And what ifs,
Until the morning sun
Comes through
shading in
The night
And I’m back
To being too
Scared of windows.

I’ve been enjoying
wandering thrift stores,
finding clothes I never thought
I’d wear before.

Everyone rummages
through hand me downs,
worn jeans, washed-out shirts
and I rummage too,
the scent of cigarettes
lingering on my fingertips,
cheap cologne
leaving hickeys on my neck.

This city has seen me
turn into a better man,
or maybe just a man.
I hope I’ve been better.

Outside, I drive
through avenues of skyscrapers,
no left turns, only right.
I envy them,
their grandeur,
how they bask in the afternoon sun,
shiny and unbothered.

They’re cared for,
with workers dangling high,
cleaning windows
on the 9th, maybe 10th floor.
They’re proud,
unshaken.

If I were as much man
as they are skyscrapers,
maybe things would feel lighter,
easier on the shoulders.

But then again
they haven’t been loved.
Of course not.
They are no one.

And there’s where I have the advantage.

The adrenaline rush fades,
leaving me dangling,
empty handed,
clutching nothing but
bloodied words.

What will become of me?
I thought I was ready
but when will it be enough?
How many lessons,
how much pain
must I endure?

God, I don’t
**** with you anymore.
All you know
is tough love.

When will it
finally
be enough?

The clouds look
Just right today

In between yellow
Green branches

And parking lot
Light posts

The people coming
Out of the garden center

Hop on one leg
And feel the breeze

Upon their hair while
Gently caressing their face

I look at the sky again,
From the windows

Of my small hatchback
With my feet out,

The sun upon my skin,
And a lit cigarette

On my left hand, while
I write this on my right

And I think and think
And think and think,

While reading “time is
A mother” by vuong

I don’t have much time,
I have to clock in again.

Amongst the sound
Of the rain hitting
The metal canopy
That covers the cars,
I can distinctly
Hear the horn
Of a train,
Everything else
Comes with imagination,
The wheels hitting
The track,
The wagons shaking
And roaring through
The intense rain
That floods the streets
And makes me feel
Nostalgic.

I'm waiting,
For the sky
To open up
And drop
You at my feet.

Dressed up
In high
Waisted pants
And a bouquet
Of flowers
I hope you
Would like,

When I see
You, tumbling
And shaking
Your fall,

It'll sound like
Whistles of
A happy man
Going on
His day,

It'll show
In the way I
Tap my feet
And fiddle my
Fingers,

My eyes will
Drop your gaze
And my hands will
Tremble along
The tune,

And I'll write
Your name
Upon pages
Of a watered
Down book,

Filled with sentences
And stanzas
That have lost
Their muse,

Sentences filled
With crazy and
Passion, illusions
Of cursed letters,

That attached
Themselves
Upon my skin
Making me a
Slave of
my words.

It’s 95 degrees
At 4:00 pm,
Sweat drips
Through the
Valleys that time
Has been leaving
On my face,
There’s salt stains
Down to my stomach,
But I can’t seem to
Find anything to
Complain about,
I can talk with
A frown on my face
That shows the tan
On my forehead
About how lonely
And dark
The nights can get,
And maybe sweets
Aren’t tasting as sweet,
Or how bacon is overrated,
Or how annoying it is
To get a new drivers license,
But life has brought
So much color around me,
the cicadas are singing
Along with the sparrows
And the blue jays,
The tree that sits idle
Outside my apartment door
Has been holding so much
Green upon its branches,
A great place to cool off
From the buttery
scorching sun.

I think I should
disappear
for a little while,

hide beneath rocks,
sleep on park benches,
let the world forget me.

I’m throwing all
my effort
into nothingness

it offers no response,
no echo,
no hope.

Tired eyes,
a heart in despair,
waiting.

You must
taste me first
to love me

like I’ve been loved.
Oh, how I
need love now.

I wonder how long
consequences
will shadow me,

grappling tight
to the hunch
on my back.

Nothing is deserved,
or do I know
I deserve better?

When will a
hungry man
find rest enough

to stand,
to provide,
to believe,
to want?

The sun crawls over
my dusty window,
And through the *****
beige curtains

Rays of sunshine
bring color to my room,
Though I appreciate
the sentiment

I grab tightly unto
the ropes of light,
I tight myself a noose,
and slowly set it
Down for later,

I’ll move a chair,
To my favorite
Part of the living Room,
I’ll put on my best clothes,

Smoke a last cigarette,
And breath a little fresh air,
I hop unto the chair,
I let my hair down,
I put the noose around my neck
I can feel it itch and burn,
I give my heart another chance
To let go,

An overwhelming feeling
Comes over me,
Like my chest is trying to explode,
I lament as palpitations
Try to cave in my rib cage,
As if day turns into night
And there’s nothing I can
Do to stop it.

But god, oh god.

I want to stay awake.

Feel the breeze that knocks on my door,
And the thought
of being able to love again,
Grants me a little bit of hope,
I can’t keep living like this,
I’ve cried distilled waters
So many that
Lately I tip toe
Around containers
That catch the excess
My skin can’t retain.

I wish to surrender to the wind,
I Open the door to let it in,
As it passes through me,
The noose around my neck starts to fade,
And I’m free,
For maybe another Day.

Across the street
From where I’m sitting on
An older blonde lady
Cries her eyes out,
Her friend or girlfriend or wife
Consoles her, making her laugh
In between tears.

I wonder what keeps
Them up at night

They won’t remember
this moment ,
Not because it’s not special
But because she seems so
Good at making her
Happy, even though
She was just
Crying herself
A puddle underneath
Her feet.

This was not
The first time.

I think to myself
I should have made her laugh
As thoughts of yesterday
Run through her mind
Ease the pain that can’t be
Eased with paper towels
And ice packs

The sky is getting darker
It looks like it’s about to rain
I should tell them to run
Back inside.

I wouldn’t want it
To ruin their night.

Once again,
I dance alone
In those lost
Gardens you
And me used
To take care of,
Now it’s
Overgrown,
Hidden behind
A vine wall
That hides the
undisturbed
Beauty
and purity
And sweet
scents,
At night
the flowers
Light up,
the stars
Walk among
me to show
Me the way,
I’ve been
Walking
So long
Through  
Rose bushes,
The thorns have
Embedded
Themselves
Into my skin
Up to my hips,
I hope the
Day comes
They become
Roots, my arms
Branches of a
Shrub I won’t
Be able to name
Anymore,
While I wait
For rain,
For now I’ll
Just walk,
And walk
And walk
And walk,
While my blood
Feed the ones
That have lost
Their battle
Against time.

The cloudy night sky
Didn’t let me see the stars today
It was just me and the moon
Enjoying our time together
Being more than just friends
Being less than, anything else.

The unobtainable moon,
Chatting with a mere poet
That doesn’t know
where he’s stands
Between himself and her,

What does he seek?
What does he want?

He doesn’t know,
It doesn’t know
where or why
Or how,
He just knows
That he doesn’t know

And that time will tell,

In different ways

Life will answer him,
What he’s been
screaming to the moon

All those years.

I took on poetry,
And books,
And more books
To calm the bitter
Taste of salt water.

My heart
Takes no respite,
As it swallows and
Drowns in the
Mediocrity.

While autumn
Sinks his teeth
Into meat
That I so
Solemnly
Follow
Catching up
With every
Living breath
Just to feel the bite
Marks left behind.

My heart is not
One to give up.

I live
Through misery,
In hopes that it’ll
Bloom in the
Evenings of spring
Bringing the butterflies
That I wait to wake up
With one day,
My stomach has been
Empty for a second too late.

And the bees,
Oh the bees.

So magnificent
As they succumb
To the nectar
And take it back
Home to be made
Into honey.

Hard workers in
Look of hard work.

Patience is virtue
And I’ll wait in the
Roaring sea.
Through harsh winters
And freezing rains.

Just to feel,
What I’ve felt again.

I walk by the street,
Evading the lines
On the sidewalk,
I noticed a guy
Working on his car,
The same way I’ve noticed
Him for the past 3 days,
I jump over four leafs
Clovers and open
The doors to the
Corner store,
I grab my usual,
A watermelon
Arizona,
Then I walk up
To the counter
And ask for a
Pack of camels 99,
A look of glee
Reflecting on
The glass that
Protects the
Cashier,
I walk back outside,
The sun beaming
Bright yellow
Through rain
Clouds that are starting
To dissipate,
The same guy,
Now sleeping in his car,
I wonder,
Where will it
All take us?

My lovely marigold,
With orange blooms,
In the mist of summer
I found you, hiding
Beneath the shade
Of a great oak
As the waves of wind
Spoke in sonnets
And stirred the tall grass.

It was so easy to find you then.
But now you hide
Beneath cold stones,
Letting your roots grow
Without me.

Still, I’ll wait
Against the trunk
Until sunset
Falls asleep to the breeze,
Hoping to wake
Curled in your arms
While the last stars
Flicker above.

I sit,
and look at the
Gardeners with
Their shovels
And mowers.

the steam cleaners
In their white vans
On their way to scam
Their next victim.

the retail workers
With bags
Underneath
Their eyes,
So tired of waiting
For the last check
of the month,
And the second job they
Have to hold.

The mundane drips
From their open wounds,
And I just hope,
To be more like them.

As I stand there in the isle
besides the bottles of detergent

That I entered knowingly
that you were there

As if a spotlight runs behind
your every step shining light

That evaporates the
humidity and discomfort,

I still have to pretend to be
Someone to be able to

Strike up a conversation,
It flows and shapes

Around my tongue,
That dances a tune

I wish for you to hold
Very dear,

And then I slide away
On the concrete floor

Not as dark as it used to be,
As I think to myself,

If not now,
Then when?

I started to notice the walls
In my room again,
Empty,
Painted in white,
I wonder if peace lilies
Would compliment
The agony and anguish,
Or if I sit in the middle
Of the room,
As quiet and still
As a Lotus flower,
Delirious and vacant,
Will thoughts of letting go
Pass through my nervous
system and out of my body,
I look at my finger nails,
They have come from a
Place of war and anger
And love and trials,
Where would I be with them?

I’m certain,
That one day
I will forget.

Until that day
Comes

I will remember
To forgive all that
Should be forgiven,
Myself for that matter.

And most importantly,
I will love all that
Should be loved,
I will live through
All that should be lived.

I will seek the
Field of daisies
That waits for me
Patiently,
At the mountain top.

I won’t look down,
Except for when I do,
To remember you,
Beautiful and
Only beautiful.

I can’t wait,
To lay my heart to rest,
On the flower bed,
That sits at the peak.

I’ll sit right besides it,
And as I forgive and forget,
I’ll find peace
In the changing of the winds,
And the breathtaking
Sunset over the horizon.

I stand here wrapped in
the dark of morning
the firefly lights
Bounce color into my retina,
Twisting and turning
The dark shade
of green of the trees
Around me.

And, as the shadows
of morning lightens up,
Buildings color
my peripherals,
Success and failures
of other people
Stand high and low.

A jungle of Melodies,
That intertwine
with what I’m feeling,
Spider webs left
behind gloom over,
Empty, empty and Sad.

I can’t seem to get out,
Thoughts that follow
me everywhere I go
Are starting
to come out,
like cobwebs of
a spider who
lost his way
Vacant for the
next person to fill,
I run and I trip
And I get up
When I just
want to lay down.

I miss the moments
in my life
Where it felt
so obvious,
Like I’ve lived
this before,
So easy as if
it was pumping
Through my veins,
Just like walking,
Just like running,
Just like breathing.

The bird sings
To the sun
Acclamations
As it prays
And builds
Itself a nest,
He then flies
Through the trees
And around
the branches
Like a circus
gymnast
Dressed in
tight colors
Just to dive up
Around the sea
Of Leafs until
He finds himself
Souring through
The clouds,
Close enough
To the sunset,
Praising the
Tints of orange
And reds
Running through
What we
could call
Personified life,
He then
sings again,
One last
time for the day,
Before twilight
Reigns the sky
With constellations
Of stars that are too
Far to hear the singing
Or the crying or
The laughter.

I’ve been so down lately
that when I wake
to face the sun again,
I pray for rain
clouds to keep me company
in this sickness.

And what a privileged sickness it is.
People are starving,
others bleed from iron
their bodies don’t need.
A century or two ago,
even an aching stomach
was a reason to fear.

Yet no cure exists for this.
Not the sunrise,
not the long awaited bloom
of Chinese fringe trees,
not the scent of fresh baked bread.

I fear early mornings,
losing my hours,
my eyes, my face.

Some tell me to accept
the possibility of God,
but I’d rather wake
to a beautiful woman by my side.

It’s sad, and not sad.

And suddenly, it’s night again.
She succumbs to slumber.
Maybe I can too.

God, my heart has carved
A hole open in my chest,
Learned to walk and
Started running away
From me.

What will I do now,
That he’s not here
To guide me through,
Oh, lantern in the night,
Why have you escaped,
When we both know
It was my idea,

The ground that I stand
On now feels misplaced
And out of shape, wobbly
Like a bouncy castle with
The top open so you can
Observe the top of the trees,
And the skyline and the stars,
Play catch with the moon.

But I’m not a kid anymore,
And every time the drop
Fills the cavity left open
With fear that the ground
Will some how change back.

Oh father,
Sit in your throne
Of lies and rejoice,
Life has sat me down
In the dark
With a gun to my
Head, loaded with
The truth.

I’m at a new place,
with new people,
new opportunities.

In a shed, taking a 15,
I sit on a roll of wire.
I’m not fully here today.

The months go by
the days, the hours
I barely feel them anymore
as I zone out
into the open insulation.

My socks are wet from watering.
When should I get up?

Colorful pants walks in.
Distracted eyes sit down.

Long walks
out into the wilderness
I’m not ready for conversation,
too tired today.