I need you
to be strong for me
when I am weak
& one blink away
from tears falling.

I want to be
strong for you
when you are fragile
& one breath away
from breaking.

I just want to
hold your hand
when you experience
your best moments
sad moments
successful moments
dark moments
imperfect moments
exciting moments
sleepy and bored moments
lost moments
authentic moments
adventurous moments
lowest of the lows
& your sensitive moments.
Something as simple as
being there for you
when you need me to be.
I want you to want me to be.
I want to make sure
we are in this together.

Hand in hand.

You & me.

Today,

Tomorrow,

Forever...

My mind pressed
Replay
Replay
Replay

Please,
I listen to what you
say

I don't want to walk
away

But hurt me
& I will one
day.

How many red flags
will it take for me to notice
to know that you're
wrong for me?

Whether it's through
words
gestures
glances
or
touch
we just can't get
close enough.

You helped me
realize that
I don't need you.

Others don't know how fortunate they are to be able to do something as simple as watching the sun sink across the horizon with the one that they love.

I will no longer
give you permission
to invalidate
the abuse
(you've brought unto me)
I have experienced.

"You did this to yourself"

I have found my voice that says
no.

You cannot expect me to
learn
something just by you telling
me what is so.

I need to
live
in order to
learn.

You have experienced things
& you expect me to learn from your mistakes.

I'm afraid I have to make
my own mistakes
In order to learn from
my own mistakes.

I cannot and should not be
prevented
or
"saved"
from my own decisions.

This is not a
rebellion.

This is not a
protest.

This is not an
opportunity for
disobedience.

This is me trying.

This is me transitioning.

This is me   t r y i n g
to grow.

This is me   t r y i n g
to be independent
(don't you want me to be?).

This is me   t r y i n g
to live my intended life.

This is me   t r y i n g
to learn.

I grew up being told,
"people won't always remember what you said, but
they'll never forget how you made them feel."

It has been too long
for me to not have
noticed
that you consistently
leave me feeling like
you love
seeing me
hurting.

The paint dries.

I watch the neighbor
cut her grass with scissors
while she sits in her lawn chair.

The chimes blow in the
gentle summer breeze.

The page turns by itself.

I hear the ocean waves
calling out my name
from miles... miles away.

Late is better than never.

The tick of my watch
grows louder,
I notice it
when the silence grows.

The little finch
sits upon the bowl,
crystal water splashing up with his wings.

The sky
a runway of vibrant colors.
orange, gold, red, pink, lavender,
whispy baby blue clouds.

Telephone wires
buzzing above
as I stand barefoot on the
hot pavement
staring hypnotized by the dazzling
vastness of the black space
above
surrounding
enveloping
consuming.

Airplanes fly overhead
blinking green & red lights
peeking out in between the thick clouds.

A nearby train
rattles the old family photographs
hanging on the peeling wallpaper
by 60 year old rusty nails.

Warm December air.

The loose string on the cuff
of my sweater sleeve
unravels as I pull it.

The grass feels cool
in between my toes
as I watch the
grasshopper watch me
watch him.

I feel homesick
even though I am home.

The lemons ripen.

The lake water
quietly lapping.

Catching my breath
my chest tightens
after running down the street.

The chilly autumn wind
brushes across my blushed cheek.
I shiver.
I don't mind
because the view is worth it.

These memories

These places

These overwhelming
feelings

These moments

These seconds

I'd do anything to
experience
once more.

I don't know what
the days ahead
hold.

This wanting

Forth & back.

This needing

While these intangibles last
forever,
I can't help but know
this nostalgic haunting
couldn't.

Nothing is worse than not being able to
love who you love.

A lifetime spent
with you
still wouldn't be
long enough...

I cannot compete because I've already won.

I'd rather be hurt with honesty than lied to and still get hurt.

You're a dangerous
chemical
I'm told.
"Stay away from him"
(Red).

"You are a treasure"
I'm told.
They say my compound
will never mix well
with yours
(Blue).

But the closer
we got,
the more I felt
our electricity.

The moment
your hand gently grazed my cheek
& our lips slowly came together
(Violet).

I knew our elements were
meant to combine.

Don't let me go...

L E T   M E   G O

Hold on tighter...

L E T   M E   G O

Don't leave my side...

L E A V E   M E

Don't leave me alone...

L E A V E   M E

Don't let go of my hand...

L E T   M E   G O

Don't let me go...

Hold on tighter...

Don't look down...

Don't let go...

You are made up of your
past & present
thoughts
feelings
beliefs
emotions
ideas
actions
words
mi­stakes
& victories.

But these things do not define who you are.
They are a reflection of
who you were
who you were trying to be
who you are
& who you are becoming.

It is only human of you
to look back at your journey
& feel a n g e r
towards yourself for saying the words you said
doing the things you did
making the mistakes you made
& even not saying the words you maybe should have.

But it is also only human of you
to do all of those things.
You must forgive yourself
free yourself
allow yourself to let go
allow yourself to make room
for more mistakes
more heartaches
more pathways for the new journey ahead of you.

There is so much more that lies ahead
than what is behind you.

It's only human of you

~ forgive yourself ~

It's only human of you

I wish you were here
to wipe away the fear
that
f
a
l
l
s
from my eyes
from asking all my "why's?"

Tired of all these sighs
from hiding all these cries.

Thinking we have spies
to keep us from our tries.

You will never see me
when I'm
happy
dancing
laughing
singing

Or when I wear
that cute pink sweater
I bought just for cuddling
with you

Cuddling with you..
Something that we'll never get to do

~~

You will never see me
when I'm
f
a
l
l
i
n
g
down my darkest days
and crying while I'm half awake
at 2.

And I won't have you there to pick me up
& hold me tight or
tell me
"everything will be okay, my dear."

"Everything will be okay"
Something that we'll never
get to say

~~

You will never see me
when I'm walking down
bright city streets,
wishing you were here
hand in mine.

City lights & color-changing trees
and endless "I love you's"
whispered underneath
our sheets below
a rainy day

Slow kisses below a rainy sky,
Something that we'll never get
to do again

Longing
to be
walking freely,
barefoot on the warm pavement,
feeling the bumpy pebbles beneath my feet,
and gentle breeze through my hair.

Wide-eyed
gazing up towards
the bright burning stars
peering through the palm leaves.

Am I alone in feeling this?

Longing
to be
wandering about
a city I used to know.

Curious and adventurous,
ready to discover
new sands
new songs
new sights
new seas

Am I alone in feeling this?

Longing
to be
daydreaming, walking alongside
the edge of my grandfather's
mini pond
full of stone koi fish.
Balancing,
stretching my arms out beside me
as the warm summer sun
kisses my skin.

Am I alone in missing this?

Longing
for
simpler
days,
simpler
worries,
simpler
thought­s,
simpler
life.

And now realizing,
it doesn't have to be a distant
memory of the past,
but can be made
and found
in the right here.
In the right now.

1) Don't.
2) Don't.
3) Don't.
4) Don't.
5) Don't.
6) Don't.
7) Don't.
8) Don't.
9) Don't.
10) Don't.

I used to wish
you would notice
when I'm sad.

Now I wish
when I notice you noticing
my sadness,
you would do something...
a n y t h i n g
about it.
say something...
a n y t h i n g
about it.

My father asked you
"What are your intentions with her?"

You told him
"Nothing. We're just friends."

W~ white whispy flakes slowly drifting to the ground
I~ indoors, bundled, huddled, snuggled, & cuddled
N~ nature's greatest showcase
T~ trees trembling naked in the bitter blowing winds
E~ eyes sleepily gazing at the warm flickering candlelight
R~ resting...resting. . . r e s t i n g . . .

Our strength
tears through the fabric of time.
We can take our time,
there's no need to rush..

Our love
perpetually growing,
u n s t o p p a b l e
within every fiber of our being.

Our trust
tested through trial & error.

Our vulnerability,
our fragile hearts
placed in each other's hands
for safekeeping.

Our minds
given away in pieces,
bite-size.
The unspeakable depths
unveiled..
hiding away no more...

You don't motivate me
to be(come) someone I am not.

You don't motivate me
to represent something I am not.

You don't motivate me
to be less myself.
~~~~~
You motivate me
to be(come) better.
To be the best version of myself
that I could possibly be.
You motivate me
to be an authentic human being.
To be true to myself.
~~~~~
With you,
I am more myself.
With you,
I am more.

Never enough
t i m e .
We always long for one last
t i m e .

One last
conversation.

One last
glance.

One last
dance.

One last
kiss under the crying clouds.

One last
laugh until our bellies ache.

One last
embrace.

One last
song to be sung...