we had what you only see in the cinema

we had a film kind of love

we had the depth of a play & the soul of a musical

we had the heart of an adventure & spirit of a christmas movie

we had the laughs of a comedy & aches of a drama

we had the possibility of a mystery & excitement of an action

we had the magic of a romance & the wonder of a memoir

we had what you can only seen on the silver screen

we had what you can only read in the scripts

we had what can only be found between well-loved pages, flipped through dozens of times

we were the silent films & black and whites

we were the technicolor revolution

and even though i wish we could have been a happily ever after instead of a coming-of-age, i'll always rewatch it from beginning to end

i always thought this kind of feeling was only in the cinema, but i know now that is is real . . .

SIDE A:

"boys of faith"                       : zach bryan, bon iver
"sun to me"                            : zach bryan
"ceilings"                                : lizzy mcalpine
"till forever falls apart"        : ashe, finneas
"september"                          : james arthur
"the good side"                    : troye sivan
"before you go"                    : lewis capaldi
"wish you the best"             : lewis capaldi
"those eyes"                          : new west
"next to you"                        : new west
"past lives"                           : borns

SIDE B:

"out of the woods"               : taylor swift
"the 1"                                    : taylor swift
"cardigan"                             : taylor swift
"right where you left me"   : taylor swift
"maroon"                              : taylor swift
"blue"                                    : ed sheeran
"page"                                   : ed sheeran

and i can't help but feel that this could have ended differently.

and i can't help but think that i could have changed the ending.

and i can't help but think that if i had only done something different...

i can't help help but think that i should have been different that night...

maybe you'd still be here.

maybe you'd be standing in front of me, with your arms wrapped tightly around me in this rain,
instead of me standing here alone with it dripping down my cold cheeks waiting for you to appear...

maybe you'd be here next to me.

i can't help but feel...

i would have been different
i could have been different
i should have been different...

i can't help but think...

i wouldn't have said that
i shouldn't have said that...

maybe you'd be...

he would still be here...
he could still be here...
he should still be here...

maybe we'd be . . .

you were the only one
who ever made me feel
like i could simply be me
& not worry once about
how you saw me or
what you thought of me.

you were the only one
who ever made this life
feel easy. soft. bright.

you were the one that
made everything before you
fade away to nothing...
none of it mattered anymore...
the hurt...the darkness...the aching.

you were the only one
who could have left hours ago
but i'd still be left smiling
because of you.

you were the only one
who ever heard me sing.
loudly, obnoxious, & without
fear.

you were the only one
who ever touched me
before you ever even touched me.

you were the one who
made everything feel light,
the mundane feel beautiful,
the ordinary feel extraordinary,
& the trivial feel profound.

you were the one who
did enough...more than...always.

you were the one who
made me see i can be
brave. vulnerable. and trusting.

you were the one who
taught me i could be
nothing less...nothing more
than me. who i am in the moment.

you were the only one
who encouraged me to
be everything i am, & to hide
nothing.

and you saw me.
you took me for what i
so unapologetically was (am).

you were the one
i felt most comfortable with.
most natural.
most easy.
most trustworthy.
most honest.
most authentic.
most everything.

you were the one
with which happiness came
so easy, so genuine.

you were also the only one
that had the power to take
it all away...

we were everything
i could have asked for
and everything more . . .

i thought i had something
you would be scared to lose.

i thought we would be something
worth a fight.

i thought we would get there...

i thought we were on our way...

i thought we would go far...

i thought we were going to make it . . .

i'm sorry if i seem distant

i'm sorry if i seem different

i'm sorry if i seem like i don't have as much to say like i used to

i'm just trying to give you some space

some space from me, i suppose

if that's what you feel you need.