Dilute the ache if you can
Even if you can't sugar coat
Please tell me you'll love me from afar
Afar, i will love you
Reaching, stretching far into oblivion
Torture, to miss you
Unable to touch you
Remember me, darling, remember me . . .
Even if you forget to

World still spins
Onward & outward it goes
Undeniably unapologetic
New, old, borrowed, blue
Downward & upward we go

Do you remember when we

First met
First laughed
First danced together
First walked together
First studied together
First cried together

Do you remember when we

First held hands
First hugged
First ate together
First played together

Do you remember when we
First felt the magic between us
First became entranced
First fell in love
First put the other in our heart

Do you remember

i was yours

"he holds me in his big arms"

you were mine

"it's you, it's you, it's all for you"

snow-flaked car windows

"everything i do"

two hearts blossoming like wildflowers

"heaven is a place on earth with you"

growing growing growing

"tell me all the things you want to do"

fear interrupted by love

"your lips, my lips, apocalypse"

two hearts accelerate as one

"drunk and i am seeing stars"

sundays were made for you and i

"they say that world was built for two"

vigilant firsts

"if only i could"

sunsets and wordless conversations

"i'd make a deal with god"

we threw ourselves into each others arms

"i'd get him to swap our places"

fearlessly . . . unconditionally . . . blindly . . .

"i'd be running up that road"

you fell

"i'd be running up that hill"

down . . .down . . .down . . .

"with no problems"

i came tumbling after you

"it's you and me . . ."

not knowing where we were heading

"you don't want to hurt me"

you descended into the dark leaving me without a light to find you

"let's see how deep the bullet lies"

i reach and reach and reach out into the oblivion

"unaware, i'm tearing you asunder"

is it me, is it you?

"it's you and me . . ."

it's you you tell me

"tell me we both matter . . ."

if only i could redo everything

"if only i could"

october

"i'd make a deal with god"

"could you come see me? . . .please . . ."

"i'd get him to swap our places"

"i'll think about it"

"tell me we both matter, don't we? . . ."

i hope, i wait, i wish, i long

"come out and haunt me"

walk past the rain-pricked window

"i know you want me"

the brown brick corner turned red

"come out and haunt me"

i face the lot

"sharing all your secrets with each other"

the white car, lonesome again

"since you were kids"

i shut my eyes . . .blink . . .hope i'm just not seeing things . . .that deep-ocean blue van.

"tell me why"

is it me? is it you?

"you've been locked in here forever"

is it me?

"and you just can't say goodbye"

"no . . ."

"oh meet me in the woods tonight"

you bend

"you . . . it's you and me . . ."

i bend

"i surrender you got my love serious"

you break

"it's you and me . . ."

i break

"you won't be unhappy"

down down down we go . . .

"unaware, i'm tearing you asunder"

31st rain washing red rubies down the storm drain

"do you want to feel how it feels?"

crimson paint bleeding onto the floormat

"let's exchange the experience"

you fall until you find yourself

"come on darling . . ."

darling, you used to call me

"let me steal this moment from you now"

what have we done?

"when you're all alone"

to us?

"i'll reach for you"

what have we done?

"when you're feelin' low"

to us?

"i'll be there too"




.

the endless sky frilling with bright new colors

the ringing of cricket song
seeming to cease suddenly

replaced by birdsong

i sit up, lungs searching for a pocket of purity

swipe the remaining sticky, drying tears from my
cheeks, chin, neck, shoulder, ear, chest . . .

deep breaths
in . . .out . . .in . . . out

wipe the sleep from my eyes

stretch the paralysis from my muscles

unwind the stillness from my bones

touch the tips of my bare toes to the surface of the floor
and push against gravity

my vision turns to t.v. static
bleary
nebulous
distorted

a faint buzz and sharp tone sings throughout my head,
vibrates from ear to ear

i sway

steady

open my eyes and wait until the haze fades

in . . .out . . .in . . .out

happy sleepy chirps,
hopeful for a new beginning.

a new beginning, we will get





.

it's nearly time to wake

i think to myself

it feels as though the rest of the world is asleep

while i lay here sleepless

not counting sheep
but counting the tears that roll down my cheek,
graze my neck coldly
or pool in my ear
onto the pillow
with a tap . . .tap . . .tap . . .tap

not having touched toes to carpet

memories of you flash brightly

memories of us replay softly

that soft shy smile.

i curl tighter into a ball . . .

squeeze the sheets in my fists . . .

shut my eyes tighter . . .

more warm tears stream down my cheeks
faster now, unstoppable.

*i miss you.     i miss us.     i miss you.