The constant mental banter
    Back and forth yes or no
        Do I disappoint my love
            For a moment of instant gratification?

            Do I throw away recovery
        Three solid months
    Itchy skin and hateful thoughts
For a moment of instant gratification?

                                                               ­                                                         And I'm so full of regret
                                                                ­                                                     Because it wasn't worth it
                                                              ­                                                       And I hurt my best friend
                                                          ­                                         For a moment of instant gratification

          A moment of instant gratification
          That wasn't even gratifying
          Wasn't in the slightest, satisfying
          Harboring a moment of regret
          For something he won't forget
          But I tried in vain to justify
          The actions I couldn't dignify
          Words that trickled like thorns
          Oh how I wish I waited a minute more
          And not let their whispers win
          Screams rather, as they crawl in
          They soothed their shrieks
          And gently brushed my cheeks
          And convinced me it didn't count
          If it didn't bleed on my account  
          But he held my close and said it did
          I can't swallow it, but it's true, I backslid
          "But it didn't leave any marks to show"
          My mind screams and my heart does echo
          "I didn't bleed in the slightest my dear"
          Disappointing him is a biggest fear
          As immaturity grasps at my soul
          I have to accept my repercussions in whole
          Three months down the drain
          And causing my best friend pain
          Not a scar to show for what I've done
          But away from me, he'll never run..

**** it
bad decisions might become my middle name
and there's not a thing in my mind
stopping me from an inevitable
disappointing life
because
the **** I taste with every breath
and the **** I hold from the bottom of my heart
might as well
*******
**** me

Drifting on a steady tide

                    Of euphoric teal,

Abroad the dozing sea

In broad daylight, my heart solely yearns to feel;
That
           kick-
                   started
backwards            flipped,
        butterfly
& honey-
                 dipped
Choking-on-my-words sensation
Smooth talking me,
    to maximum elation
Move your steady hand
Upwards,
         along the seam
Of my glitter covered, purple faerie
Ripped,
        skinny jeans
                                May our love take us to cloud 9
Bodies pulsing in the drivers side
Hips glide; perfect, precise
Against the window of the frigid outside
As I
Climb into the backseat
Eye to eye,
                   find your breath on my lips
                                       my hand under your hips
       Your exhalation is my favourite high
Teasing *****, electrify this body baby

                          Push
                         it
                             deep
                     inside
                  of
                     me
            please?

I bite your lip, always a tease
Mind enthralled, car hazy

                                 Harder sir,
                     you've kept me waiting.

                                                                  Yes,
                      oh

                                        please
                
              Daddy can you feel me squeeze?

I feel your body
I feel your heart
I feel your thoughts
I feel your soul
But you're the only thing in this entire world
That makes me feel like I've lost control
This perfect state of pleasure
Lips loose,
                 hips roll
Heavy heaving intakes
Of cigarette perfume
Drifting past the rings of your
amber-gold,
They find my softened eyes
You lean in
to whisper against
my neck
                 "I will love you until the end of time."

and like a broken record
she repeats day after day
with a smile on her face
and pain in her heart
in hopes of a repair man
who might give up some spare attention
just to fix her and the many flaws
she may possess

and like a broken record
she lays in bed
night after night
with tears that soak her pillow
and sobs that shake her soul
in hopes that someone might hear her cries
and offer a spare care in the world
just to hold her tight

though she's a broken record
those days will pass
and he hopes will fade,
her thrives will vanish and her agony will subside;
red marks will appear
along the delicate skin of her arms
that were once so strong and pure