She is amazing so beautiful and smart
And hopefully we are of to a good start
She is cute and adorable, she made
Today great just by being with me and sipping lemonade.

She made the day I hate
All this and more, she is great
How better to describe the superb
I am so thankful we are together,
So thank you for today.

death came to me in a dream
and unlike him it did seem
he wasn't a skeleton, rotted to bone
he was just a young man who was all alone

hated by everyone, except for me
he had came not to set my soul free
but to tell me that i must live and suffer
to take the life i was given, with no buffer

to dull the pain, to dull the hell
and that soon the smell
of corpses would fill the air
and then he gave me a odd dare

to live, and then he vanished into the mist
the fog curling around my skin in such a bliss
then i tripped and i fell and fell,
till i ended up in hell

death was there and so was Lucifer
he said that life was over, and time to suffer

i am suppose to be writing a paper
for my English class, but i can't focus
and i blame you, you occupy my thoughts
you are in every poem i write,

i can't think of anyone else
just you, and your pretty self
you so beautiful,
so radiant

you are perfect

when you realize,
she loves to hate you,
and you hate to love her

Tracing the floor, you just walked through the door
the nerve to talk to you escapes me
then reality slams into me, I am free
to do as I please, I know my fate
should I avoid it?  and accept that your lost forever?
never embrace it to my death
till I draw my final breathe.
I am not a leader, I am not a friend
but I was taught to keep going to the end
got to keep moving, got to keep losing my sanity
my faith in people, what do I do now that I have lost my mind
what keeps me from killing everyone? what keeps me from listening to the voices now?
what do I do now that I have lost you?

here comes the season of sweaty palms
pretending to be cool and calm
barely passing tests, and trying to get the girl
will i be  a poser or give being myself a twirl?
no one knows till we get there
will she like me or will i be more than she can bear
will people make me bend backwards for them or this year will i finally tear?

who is ready for school
the land of posers and fools
will you be worth something or just a tool
well all this and more in this season of our lives

this year ***** everyone else
***** there happiness
because this year i am on worrying bout my self
doing what makes me happy and not dumb chicks

i know this does not rhyme but i am expressing myself
so you do what makes you happy and shut the hell up
let me do me and you do you
and later when you are sitting back and wondering why the hell i am acting this way
remeber its your fault and when i was down and hurt you walked over
and just kicked me in the ribs and punch me in the gut
if only i knew before you were just a ***** **ut

so i will be me and you stay clear
cause me is not who you should be near

I can no longer be alone with you
The mix of love and the feelings of anger
are in conflict.
I still feel the same as before
Us ended and it become you and I
I still miss you, still read your letter
Still look at pictures of you for longer
then I should.

You have replaced me no problem
You are making personal descions
that affect my future.
A future that you are no longer apart of.
It's over remember?
You are with him, and I am alone.
So get out of my future.
It's you and I not US.

Emotions drained to the point
That they are almost nonexistent
I  fail everyone, do nothing but disappoint
My heart beated, cracked, and has a dent

Then you came along and built me a ego
Then you came and made me feel
You came and had a soft touch,
You held me and it seems you love me

And I love you.

you lead me on
use me like a pawn
then wonder whats wrong
why i just move along

and refuse to say hi
and always try to say bye
i am a ***, i am a fool
you think you make a rule

and i will listen, and bend
backwards to do it, end
this must,
you lost my trust

and i keep wanting you back
your like a drug, and it got's me off track
you put me through hell
i run if you ring a bell

to give you some help
but i need help
i need to stop
you, i need to drop

ironic isn't it,
that my parents said no theatre
but they get mad unless i act
like the perfect son that i am not

I know dear, that I've upset you
And I know the reason is valid
But I'm sorry baby, and I love you.
Please don't leave me alone with myself
I would not be able to make it,
Help me, from myself
Like you have been.

every time i see your photo, i get sad
and think and wish for what we had
but then remember i did it for you
so you could be happy, but i still envy you two

i am sitting here
lacking fear,
being alone
writing poems,
wanting someone that feels like home

well a girl caught my eye
one that i hate to say bye
to, i hate leaving
but i love teasing

she is cool and down to earth,
being with her, feels like having a hearth
or a home, whatever you call it
i hope she is the one who teaches me what it

is like to be wanted, and needed
cared about, but my words and thoughts retreated
and i just look stupid around her
so i leave and don do a thing sides think of her

i am sitting here
full of  fear,
of rejection
wishing for her affections
will she be someone that feels like home?

the poems are here
they are filled with doubts
curiosity, and a little fear
the things i think about

the hatred gets funneled into
these poems, the rage as well
my emotions that cause me to brew
the things that cause my chest to swell

and my fists to get balled up
but how come this does not
alleviate my depression
it doesn't absorb the sad thoughts

or the urges to die
the urges to cut my wrists
and the rest of me, the urges to jump,
off the roof, and not fly

"Guys I think I beat being depres..."
The words refuse to come out
Somethig inside me stops me.
Maybe the darkness inside?
Is it the sadistic nature that reveals In
My own depressed states? I do not
Think I suffer depression... But
These states come and go...
"Should I stay or should I go?"
It stays and goes as it please,
Nightmares here and nightmares there
Unforgiving discontent stares.
This little pressure is making me crack
I can get this darkness off my back.
Should I embrace the darkness or hate?
Is this truly what is to be my fate?
This constant struggle? This endless rebirth of my inner struggle that devours and wrecks my psyche.
This that destroys my very mind?
This ? This should one be content with?

friends, till the end
to watch each others back
you were my closest friend
i would protect from any attack

and after you switched moods so fast
i was left with a bad case of whiplash
you get mad and say you were just using me
it wasn't a secret, i knew you were, and be

cause i cared, i tried to make you happy over me
but still you couldn't let your heart go free
remeber being all over me? and then yelling at me
saying i am a sin and wrong for you, and to leave you be

but i was the only person on your side really
so good luck have fun, cause now i am done

slice here
cut there
and watch my blood spill everywhere
but i sit here instead, pulling out my hair

i promise to you i made
before my scars had a chance to fade
so i sit here, cause the promise i will not break
even if your intentions are fake

Over a year ago and I still miss you
I can't get you out of my head,
every beauty of nature
Of your beautiful smile
Every time I dance
The memory of dancing with you creeps back in
And I miss your lips when
I taste something sweet
Most of all I miss your voice
That sweet melody better then
Any orchestra, and musician.
Just you alone could get me through
Any day or night or hell.
Your loss hurts the most.
And it's cut deeper then any knife

a few more years
and ill full-fill her fears
and gain a uniform
some country i  will storm

the only reason to stay
has now gone away
i used to want to be
her's, now i want free

not me to be free no
but for her to be so
i want to protect her freedom
so where ever i may roam

i hope she finds a home
to be herself, a home
for her to be free
and so she will forget me

since i am not her taste...

it doesn't matter what i do
the reasons, or if i am true
it all amounts to you
hating me, and everyone else too

so ***** it,
you left out a tidbit
i didn't care about her
or any other

girl, i just wanted you
i liked you, that was true
but then you ran of with my friend
and that should have been the end

but you still give me hell
and its all my fault
how you went for him
and crushed me,

so thank you for the pain
cause thats all i feel now
so please do it again

i love you

love is not something i know, so how do i tell you?
over thinking is what i am doing instead of explaining myself and i do this
very well, but it does not help my problem
every day i want to tell you

you are so sweet kind and true,
only my love is towards you
u are my heart, and soul

If that special someone,
says those words you have been
dying for someone to say to you,
the phrase "I love you"
They are lying, they do not care
and are just blindfolding you before they
shoot you done

You left me alone, possibly when most needed
The next day I'm in te hospital and who
Is it that I want? Who do i need holding my hand?
Funning that I still wanted and needed you
Even though you left me when things got hard.

But still I miss you and still I want you.

Is love really worth it?
For you it seems not.
You seem to think that leaving
Is easy when that is not the case dear
So ask yourself is it worth it?
Because for me it is.
But then again I do not matter,
So I guess it is not.

I will look like a fool,
and you will look beautiful
I will be nervous,
and you will be calming
This formal the one
dance i want, is one with you

i am starting to notice
that a lust for dissecting
things is over taking
a desire for human interaction

Its not the major things
but the little things
that mean so much to me
and make you beautiful

Talking to her I forget all the pain
It doesn't feel like I am stuck in a fiery rain
I feel normal and human
I barely know her an

She makes me forget how broken
I am she makes me want to try a relationship again
She has a boyfriend though
So what do I do

I know I need to e by her side
In case she wants to cry or hide
From the crappyness of it all
I wanna be there when invade she is to fall

So I can pick her up
But instead I just come up
With these ****** poems
And complaint bout how I don't know what a home

Is like, I just want to hold her
I can't focus near her
Being on the bus ***** cause I just wanna kiss her
What do I do when all I want is her?

Writing is the one thing I can submerge my emotions in.
I can drown them out and the voices
In my skull, it clears my mind
And if only for a brief moment
It even silences the pain

6 months later and I still
Have the feel of your kiss
On my lips, the feel
Of your embrace I miss
The way you bite,
The way we kissed goodnight
Just a few more moments
And I'll be with you in my arms.
Just a few more months.

take the blade and cross it againist yours
you counter and swing at me,
i block and disarm you
knock you to your knees

i cut your arm and stab your thigh
cut your throat and watch you die
maybe i shouldn't let this out
of my mind and onto paper

hmm choices choices
wrong, right? which is which?
oh thats right
"nothing is good or bad just thinking that makes it so"

"What's your guilty pleasure",
Really are all pleasures not guilty?
They certainly feel that way
I have definitely paid for mine
Not with money but with pain
And blood

"we are made of broken parts"
i love this quote cause it is true
someone broke me to make me you
i realized what happened and tried to stop it

but it was to late and i was broken
my heart cracked spirit shattered
looking at the pieces wondering where to begin
put me back together, but i'm still torn and battered

battered and torn
full of scorn
pieces missing and feeling blue,
the emptiness can only be filled by you

When that blade breaks the skin
and blood spills on that high carbon steel
The chemical release, forces a grin
and then the guilt becomes again real

so another cut must be made
till the guilt starts to fade
and all i feel is the brief and fading release

get mad because i dont believe what you do?
your religion teaches acceptance and to not judge
but every time i want to stay home,
you get mad and you do not even care about my reasons

you just do not ask, do not try to understand
you just get mad at me, so whatever have fun
in heaven, cause i will enjoy suffering in hell

I tanned this summer
Tanned over my scars
So now only the ones
That I didn't inflict
Are visible

My mind is racing, and palms sweating
Your eyes are gorgeous, and your hair is equally so

He still lingers in your thoughts
Every doubt possible is in my mind
All this in hopes that you will be mine
****, you are so divine

I miss your kiss,
I miss kissing your neck
I miss your head on my chest
I miss how you feel in my arms
I miss your smile and your charms
I miss you
I miss us

Before I was with you
I was just bad and sad human being
I could go on because I was apathetic
Now I realize I am just pathetic
Then you came into my life
And gave me these memories
Take them back, take them all back
The good, the sad, just all of them.
Before I didn't miss you.
Now all I do is think of you.

i finally got her, and no i am working and she is at school
im sore tired and thinking of her and she is busy following rules
i am loading wood and cutting trees and she is learning about tree types
i am thinking about her and she is thinking about god knows what

Why do i feel like i am waiting on you?
Because i am, i disgust my self
do you see what i am truly? no
you do not, no one does
think i am so great,
I AM WORTHLESS

I should have died five times now
but yet my worthless self is still alive
***** this and that this needs to end
I can't do it so, dear friends
end me
put my worthless disgusting embarrassing
existence to rest, end it all
END MY WORTHLESS LIFE

ever time i think about the perfect girl she comes to mind,
yet all she wants to do is press rewind
And I'm tired of livin in the past.

tomorrow will be the dance,
the dance with her
that i have waited so long for
hopefully i do not mess up
for her sake....

If you love me, I thank you
Friends you guys are the best.
But if you hate me I am honored
As well as thankful, exhausted you
Dedicate more thoughts about me
Than those who love me.

what do i need to do,
what will it take
to get a girl that's true
and me not have to be fake

I need you my readers to explain
what it is to get a girl and keep her
i want a good relationship for once, even if its just plain
it may be odd coming from me, but it is what it is
every girl just seems to have a purpose or motive
why is there not a girl who just wants a simple relationship
and if there is a girl like that i want to meet her

i am tired of the games
i am tired of the motives
i am tired of girls like her

what do i need to do,
what will it take
to get a girl that's true
and me not have to be fake

i want to scream, till my throat is raw
till my chest explodes, till my lungs implode
and i still will feel no better then i do now

Thoughts I am not allowed to have


Four to three months
Then I am gone to basic
I am going to serve
An I seem so calm about it
But I am scared, scared to lose
Lose my mind, my friends
And my family.
I mean I lost
You  
So why would I not lose

The
Rest

I could say you were the calm before the storm,
But you weren't you were the eye
The center of the storm in my mind,
Peace and a rest until you said goodbye