My life has become this nostalgic reverie
Self-referentially bound to memory
Seeking the brightest moments
Tainting them with pain from late August days
June was the true end I suppose
From those loving memories, I derive joy and hope
Silly of me, I know

So it's been awhile since we shared a car ride
You've been with me in dreams, the waking world darker than before
These things guide me through the night
Serving to help me live in the town of memory

Watched the worst, heart drawn and quartered
Little creatures drawing images of what we knew
And all those golden times that I still love so
In dreams and memory

I suppose it's really done
Over and gone, just like that
I haven't really been me in a while
Maybe I never had been to begin with
But I like to think I was starting to figure it out

Look, whatever it is that you do now
The genuine you that few truly know
I hope it makes you happy
I hope you wake up with a smile every day
I hope it keeps you warm and fulfilled
Becuase I really miss you
And I think it would be a waste for us to both feel this way
If life is going to keep on like this

Emotions are complicated
Being young is hard and confusing
None of this is easy
None of this is supposed to be
It's what we make of it
What we do with it

Call me

Honesty here, a poem without prose for context
A broken silence regarding misspoken terms delivered
I don't remember asking you to leave me here
I now wander the streets at night, alone
You're over there, sitting in a soft and new leather chair
A little bit closer to finding who we are going to be
And that's how I rationalize all that has been going on without you

I mean, honestly
I have no clue what it is you now do
Are you aware of how you make me feel?
Defying, lying if I did not mention that it hurts to see you
Is it alright that it makes me sick with heartache?
Is it okay to admit that sometimes I wish I was no longer me?

Yes, because I have always been open with you
I'm a little bit closer to finding the real me
A thousand miles have probably gone by
A hundred new faces introduced and internalized
Friends have dragged me to the gym more times than I can count
Since we last spoke
A litre of tears transpired thanks to you

I'm lying if I say I never keep my eyes wide open
Looking for you
If I laid eyes on you, what would I even do?
Would I ask you to come on a walk with me?
Take a chance and ask for a dance?

If I close my eyes I can see it now,
But if I did that and it never came true?
I would lose another piece of me
To you
And that is why I have yet to speak
To you

Now you know,
You get it, I guess
I am not opposed to discussion
I want to know what is going on with you
I just cannot be your friend
That is a role I will never pretend

What would you say if you came back?
What would you see?
What would you feel?
What would you do?

I built a house for all our memories
I fashioned a basket for all my attempted remedies
I tried to sell a few of my emotions
I tried, but I still only think of you
I know that I'm in love with you

A trumpet plays
A sax wails
A guitar inquiries upon the night sky
A thousand things happen when I think of you

Look at these eyes
Look at my lips
Look at our hearts
Look at what you did to me

To hang out again
To admit we miss it
To maybe say sorry
To listen to the rain together
To try and go out in poor weather
To drink another coffee with you
To let loose and share all we knew and know

I felt life for the very first time
It broke me from patterns I was stuck following
Taught me to stop being afraid

Yeah, I get that I could be too much
I let my love be the number one priority
Before careers or hobbies
That's what I did for the girl that helped me feel life for the very first time
I jumped in, all in
I apologize if I was too much over the course of the years
It was something I could have worked on
If only you had told me so

Admissions go as I near a suicide
Closing my eyes, wishing to die
This dark place has become my home
It's emotions are dead, alone I roam

Hurting for long now
Lost and distraught
I tire of this life
I lose a lot

Things which I intended to be a part of
Long gone now
People I gave my heart to
All in another rotation
Here I sit
In this dead nation

Ninety-nine cents for my best friend
A drive to the mall
Turned around gracefully
Never meant to let you down
A coffee full of tea
Confusion in conversation
Emotional reactions to being unseen

You never voiced any concern until it was too late for me
Left on my own in a great big sea
All I could do was be brave
Dreaming the same things

The next day I buried that version of me
Shallow was the grave, ready to be raised if need be
Nobody asked where he went
They could already see

Potentially wasting my lungs on this
Too much time and energy
Try to feel all things
Intense and clear
Feelings resonating off every wall

It was never a waste of our young years
Time spent with you
I miss every moment
Not because I had someone
But because I had you, Olivia

Now, dreams are ribbons to the wind
As I find my way home again
Cold and confused
Tending to a heart now bruised
I remain me, strong and stubborn
Things I have learnt still colour me
But I will never call these years a waste

No, they meant the world to me
Thank-you
For everything

In a coffee shop
Wrapped up in fumes and steam
Getting cups and covers
Checking and crossing
The till beeps in time with the bell above the door

Beans drying faster than your skin
Warm air, hot coffee
Lights up, sun down
Mums and dads, babies and kids
Friends and family
Dates, first, middle, last

Getting up early, closing down late
It all happens in a day
Each new cup served with a story to come
Caffeinated dreams waiting to be ground