Home is where the heart lives
I guess that is where my essence always stayed
In the thousand countryside catching the summer air
Composed of love spills out the little touches
The dawn days you're always there
Open arms full of fondness snuggles
Your eyes declare true sympathy and tenderness
Oh with another words seem to get in the way
While you’re full of wisdom and appreciation
Tan skin in the sun oh how, you are so delicate
I adore meeting here with you
All of the worries of the upcoming months dissipate
As we grow it all feels more grande
Summertime fills the ambiance
Feels of silk thread roll across fields
Always playing’
Always attachin’
Lingering hips
“You are my best friend.”
All the calm in the world doesn't need lyrics to reveal
Oh how you are my daylight, and no midsummer is as warm as you.

Oh the truth
Is hard to be straight
So let's just let them assume
Until ends break

Look a little closer
The letters in between
Lay in postures and faces and time
With one look we would miss out on design
One distraction into another loss of attention
So look no further cause the secrets of life has always been beyond here
In between looks and eyes but we deliberately choose noise and little screens.

Don't tell anyone about me
I am our little secret
And if you do well, you'll just feel awful
Because I am meant to live inside you
I can exhibit fantasies you could never envision
Packed with terrors and bloodshed rifles
All of my darling things
I'm afraid you are mad there's no fleeing now
So I urge you to do as I say
Keep this secret between me and you.

I walked into that office wearing all black, an oversized leather jacket with a matching leather cap. Blacktop and black pants. “I’ve been having anxiety attacks, I had one yesterday,” I said. I have never known myself to be so broken like this. People aren't just born broken, they become broken from the mind, the system, society, the abusers of power. And it's not just one occurrence; it's multiple of them: some we never acknowledged the pain, some we become in denial about, and some we have forgotten. So, I came into that office tense, nervous and broken. And I kept going into that office even when I was scared. Every time it was hard, every time it was a challenge. But you know what it got easier. And each time I left I learned more and more about myself. And well I may have walked in broken but I left lighter and lighter each time.

Out with the old and in with the new
How long does it last until it is no good?
Cause as age comes I shine with time
All the awareness of here becomes clear
Until one day I become so fine
I evaporate into manifestations of loving designs.

Hi, I’m Arcadya. I claimed this name after I was leaving the old and leading into the new. But it only really fit until now. Going back to 2009. You know the time you just needed to get by? Looking for role models, but no one existed, but you. Once upon a time, I became my own hero consisting of planned seductions, secrets, and being a %100. Love, that was hard to maintain you know nights only God could help you see the light. But she never showed up at my doorstep until May 2019.

I’m also called A. And on a scale of 1 to 100, I was dying inside in form of chronic pain, nausea, and anxiety attacks. And the people who passed me by never said goodbye. I’d be lying if I said I don’t hate goodbyes, I didn’t miss you, and I forgive you. I get it, times are hard, and we all gotta get through the day. Even if it’s straight-up denial. But is it too much to ask for a good friend at the end of the day? If it’s not at all but partly on me, deep emotional connections felt like a gateway into my childhood despair. Alienation my friend and fearful, so I stayed up until sunrise.

And well if you're still listening I have some more questions. Where was my safety? And where is it now? Locked up and so I questioned my life. And where is heaven? And Is this hell? Cause I feel misunderstood, but I am choosing discomfort over being resentful. But who am I if not speaking my mind? And questioning time. So yeah, I’m red hot candle wax already lit and high and my mind tends to race. Mediation my religion cause all is lost and gone. And kind words lead me the way. So I tattoo affirmations cause we see every day. So meet me at night when I’m loose and I unwind. A sight only for the patient and kind. Life’s a spiral journey and sometimes it feels all too much. But every day is a step further from my despair. And so, I remember and dream as I shield little ole me at night and say what I always longed to hear that, baby it’s alright and everything will be okay.