The door is shut.
No way out.
No escape.
They are trying to **** me.
Chasing me like a lion hunting its prey.
Sharpening their teeth.
Getting ready to rip out my throat.
I feel forsaken.
Abandoned by everyone.
No one is going to save me.
No one can save me.
What’s killing me are my thoughts.
They run through my mind like the tears rush down me cheeks.
Like an endless mist blocking my sight.
I can’t see a future.
*Where do I go?

You fight or surrender.
You win or lose.
You do or don't.
You can't do both so we have to choose.
Will you give all that it takes to win
and fight the battles that comes sneaking up from behind
or will you do nothing
and get beat up till you can't do anything.

*Or can you actually do both?

We're like machines.
We have routines and sometimes
we over work and breakdown.
When we break someone has to fix us
because we can't fix ourselves.

*But what if no one can fix you?

Growing up I thought that he treated me like I deserved and how he was supposed to. That it was normal.
As I got older I learned that none of my friends were treated that way. There was a reason for why it was kept a secret.
That isn't how you raise someone but it was how he was raised so matter of course that I should be as well.
Fathers are supposed to protect their children, but what if they can't and they are the main source of the pain.
I have to look him in the eyes everyday like nothing ever happened. Like everything is okay but it's not and it never will be.
As if it wasn't enough that he raised me to act like everything is okay all the time he can't even tell the truth.
He's a liar.
A filthy liar who isn't man enough to confess to what he has done.
Nothing can ever remedy what he did.

I saw you today but quickly turned my head and looked the other way. It hurts to see you. I want to run over to you and give a big hug and never let go. I want you and I want you to stay with me. When I look at you all the memories and the feelings come back and I'm afraid I might fall for you again. Not because I can't but because I won't. I know you will catch me but eventually you will drop me like I am nothing. You made me feel like I was everything and you made me feel like I was nothing.