Verse 1:
Chasing ghosts in the dead of the night,
Swallowed whole by the pale moonlight.
Drinking deep from a hollow dream,
Sinking slow in a silent scream.

Pre-Chorus:
I feel the embers in my lungs,
I taste the venom on my tongue…
Do you see me?
Do you hear me now?

Chorus:
Screaming through the void, lost in the haze,
Falling faster, swallowed by the flames.
Jacob’s ladder calls my name,
But I’m too far gone to be saved.

Verse 2:
Torn apart by a love misplaced,
Knuckles bruised from the wars I waged.
I kissed the reaper, held his gaze,
One step closer, still enslaved.

Pre-Chorus:
I hear the echoes in my veins,
A requiem for all my shame…
Will you hold me?
Can you save me now?

Chorus:
Screaming through the void, lost in the haze,
Falling faster, swallowed by the flames.
Jacob’s ladder calls my name,
But I’m too far gone to be saved.

Bridge:
I was waiting for the fall…
I was waiting for the fire…
Oh, how it feels to let go…
Oh, how it feels to expire…

Breakdown:
Do I take the novocaine? To numb the pain!
Or do I carve my name in the rain?
Either way, I’m always one step…
One step closer to the grave.

Outro:
Shattered glass, a fractured fate…
Tell me, love, is it too late?
Watch the fire…
Let it take me in…
Let it burn me clean again…

Got a mind like a fortress, thoughts garrisoned within.

Philosopher's stone flow, chosen one turning frowns to grins.

Masked like zorro, but I ain’t playing pretend.

Do you see the faux pas dear dora? Or is this too hard to comprehend?

The only gadget I use is my mic and my pen, so don’t test me;

I'm batshit with the counterstrike built right in.

So, Better stop to smell the flora, before ya taste lead.

Gotta have that intuition masked with an Aphrodite ready to burst like an unloaded grenade pin.

That’s what happens when ya suppress sin.

And they say that ya couldn’t weaponize one’s kids!

****.

Verse 1:

Walk in with a rebel strut, hearts more darkened than a nurtured mutt.
Glass shattering like Steve Austin, don’t what me man; unless ya want a swift kick to the gut.
What can I say I’m a stone cold punk;
Not some flower smelling hippy monk.
Even though I can’t lie, when I was young and dumb I used to take a hit of the skunk.
Thinking I was a gangster or a don, heavy head wears the crown, till ya up and gunned.
Or Hanged by your own golden chains, fame is a messy blood bed, where many succumb.
Poisoned by the very crown they longed for; till they forget where the **** they came from!
Where everyone fights to the death for some ******* crumbs!
Perhaps we truly are slaves? Perhaps we truly are nothing more than bottom feeding ****?
****.

Hook:
****, Best turn up the volume, let the world replay.
Can’t silence the truth *****! No, nuh uh, not today!
Even if they try to blacklist my name, just like magic I dunk through the static and reinvigorate the game.
So, even if critics chirp or ya get your feelings hurt, I’ll be sitting back with my millions not feeling a thang!
What can I say? I keep **** simple and plain!

Verse 2:
Got to watch where ya sneeze,
Might just alert some companies,
To ones whereabouts;
Next thing ya know ya get your documents seized.
It’s not even Sunday service yet but here ya are down on your knees.
Down on your luck, down for the three.
Gotta watch how ya speak, might just trigger the beast.
Shadows never cease, yet unable to be paid with one’s pleas.
I guess it’s true that demons aren’t concerned in the least.
Iron echoes in rounds,
Hearts pound, boots thud with resounding sound.
A rhythm which attracts the hounds.
Like a woke **** when ya mispronounce their pronouns.

Hook:
****, Best turn up the volume, let the world replay.
Can’t silence the truth *****! No, nuh uh, not today!
Even if they try to blacklist my name, just like magic I dunk through the static and reinvigorate the game.
So, even if critics chirp or ya get your feelings hurt, I’ll be sitting back with my millions not feeling a thang!
What can I say? I keep **** simple and plain!

Verse 1

Yeah, they say blood’s thicker than water, yet my past still lingers,
I was raised by the struggle, with pain turning into anger.
Mama busted her *** with no man in the picture,
Just echoes in the hallway, dreams turned to nightmares.

How do I guide when I ain’t seen the path?
How do I build when I don’t know how to craft?
I learned with my fists, I learned from the church, I learned how to mask because I struggled with my self worth!

The streets don’t teach cats how to cradle, best believe I was never given no silver spoon.
Felt so insecure and isolated like a little man on the moon.
Guess I’ll learn how to be a man from television and cartoons.
Trauma runs deep, where self harm gets covered up with make-up or turned into tattoos.
Just cover it up, man up, don’t you cry dude.
Don’t recognize the man in the mirror anymore; a beauty distorted by invisible war wounds.
Praying one day to break the cycle, hoping one day hope will shine through’

(Hook)
I’m scared of the man I gotta be,
When the man I never knew is haunting me.
How do provide comfort and laughter,
When I feel like a curse, linked with disaster?

(Verse 2)
Growing up I used to tell others my dad was a failed magician.
Cause he disappeared from my life and hasn’t reappeared again.
But all jokes aside; I promised myself that I’d never end like him!
But fear whispers lies, man, especially when I keep falling short again and again.
I sincerely try my best, but I swear my trauma be always lurking when I’m in remission.
Then attacks me unexpectedly like the Spanish Inquisition!

I wanna teach my son more than lessons of survival,
Show him love’s real, not just a myth or some half assed recital.
How do I teach him, when growing up I never had a male role model?
Feels like an uphill battle, man, it feels so ******* suicidal.
Quick somebody beam out of here; where the **** is Heimdall?  

(Hook)
I’m scared of the man I gotta be,
When the man I never knew is haunting me.
How do provide comfort and laughter,
When I feel like a curse, linked with disaster

(Bridge)
But maybe fear’s a teacher, lessons in disguise,
Maybe my son’s laughter can drown out these cries.
I’ll learn lullabies I never heard as a boy,
Find power in weakness, turn sorrow to joy.

(Verse 3)
So I tighten my fist, not for war, but for holding,
And let go of the past, the anger, unfolding.
Tell my child their loved, let them know that they’re seen,
Break the chain I wore, start a new routine.

I may stumble and fall, but I’ll keep trying.
‘Cause their smile’s worth more than all the world’s diamonds!
At least I know how a father shouldn’t be,
so from there all it takes is some rewiring!

(Hook)
I’m scared of the man I gotta be,
But I’m learning, son, for you, endlessly.
Turning pages of peace and laughter,
Writing a new verse, my love is your chapter.

(Outro)
Yeah, to all my brothers caught up in the same strife,
We can be more than pain, we can make more of this life.
Let’s show them that love’s a skill we can learn,
And in their loving eyes, our own demons will start to burn.

Drag my name through the mud.
Make fun of me cause of my belief in God.
Discriminate and profile me; make excuses saying don’t blame you it’s just your job.
Just because I wear a hoodie doesn’t mean I’m going to rob!
It’s alright though I’m used to it!

Mock my culture, mispronounce my name; keep me silent, keep me chained!
Hate me for my political views, get angered over facts and call for me to be hanged!
Overgeneralize my identity like I’m the one to blame.
Call me cynical because I believe society is a rigged game!
It’s alright though I’m used to it!

Call me *****, call me ***, make fun of my long hair; call me a **** for having braids!
Call me savage, call me ******, belittle me to make yourself feel bigger.
It’s alright though, I’m used to it?

That’s the real question, should I?
Should I be alright with it?
Should I simply get over it?
Should I just man up and continue to push it down?
I am not your entertainment, I am not your clown.
I am a human that just so happens to be brown.
I will idle no more!

Hook:
Can’t let the fear hit ya.
Gotta look at the bigger picture.
Can’t let the anxiety hit ya.
Gotta keep reading them scriptures.

Verse 1:
In a world that thrives on disaster,
With people who massacre over toilet paper,
Sometimes I can’t help but to hope for the rapture,
Because people are acting like raptors,
Whose brains are small enough to believe propaganda papers,
Without knowing the facts or looking at the many factors,
That can help or hinder one’s ability to be a survivor,
Just wash your ******* hands, and stay home, this isn’t a favour.
This isn’t a suggestion,
There are things that shouldn’t be questioned,
Don’t be a ******* who hordes, as that will cause another ******* Great Depression!
Especially with the stock market failing and the fact that we were already in recession.
Also, stop stealing masks and gloves away from hospital staff,as they are here to help us in this situation!
Think of your Grandparents, think of people with compromised immune systems!
All I ask is for you to stay home and to keep your distance.

Hook:
Can’t let the fear hit ya.
Gotta look at the bigger picture.
Can’t let the anxiety hit ya.
Gotta keep reading them scriptures.

Verse 2:
Living in a crisis that bombs harder than isis,
With people who flock like sheep which is ******* foolish,
And I no longer find people’s stupidity hilarious,
I’m at the point where I’m furious,
Can’t you see this **** is serious?
Got ask? Are you delirious?
Living in a world where things are cancelled,
I think I’d rather get eaten alive like Gretal and Hansel.
But at the same time going outside is a gamble,
And I’m don’t want to become a vandal,
Stealing a life away from a family member or friend,
God, please let this virus end!
Suspend disbelief by bringing us some relief.
Because our whole world is in grief.
And we are desperately in need of some faith.
Faith that this will end and that we will be safe.

Hook:
Can’t let the fear hit ya.
Gotta look at the bigger picture.
Can’t let the anxiety hit ya.
Gotta keep reading them scriptures.

Whispering sweet myths,
Singing soft tune melodies,
Peering ahead looking beyond the cliffs,
To a beautiful commodity.

Telling white lies,
Sweet little discrepancies,
Tricking tender eyes,
For fools will follow anything.

Such sheep the lot of them,
With Shepard’s guiding them.
However, some Shepard’s are actually wolfs.
Lurking in the shadows ready to ****** one’s soul.

You may think us foul.
Hiding under our cowls.
But I’ll ask you now?
Wouldn’t you do the same?
After all life is game!
With winners and losers.
Survival of the fittest,
Which has been engrained in our DNA features.
Power is an interesting thing,
Pride before the fall,
The ultimate price to be king!
So, I ask you again?
What will become of you if you attain that all powerful ring?
You may say you’ll cure the world,
But the truth is when someone has unchecked power...
They’ll **** this world!
For greed is a seductive thing!
And our flesh has made us such fragile beings.

The wind goes and flows,
Sometimes it just pulls and rips,
Like waves of the ocean,
Not really sure what you’re going to get.
The wind can plant a soft kiss,
Then the next moment spread lies real quick.
The wind can roar like a lion but go out with a whisper.
The wind a phenomenon that can’t be captured.
But felt, heard, and smelt.
Is the wind truly real?

However,
I am jealous of the wind.
I long to be as free as the wind.
With no cares.
To glide through the sky.
Where time passes by, but I don’t age.
The wind, where does it come from?
Where does it go?
Oh, the adventures the wind must experience.
To explore without boundaries.
Or have to face discrimination.
I am so envious of the wind.

As waves crash,
And leafs change.
As rain drops.
And winds blow.
Time is fleeting.

As the sun rises,
And deer skip.
As the sun sets.
And moon shines.
Time is precious.

As we grow old,
And our kids have kids,
As we die,
And are reborn.
Time begins anew.

Echoes of ghostly spectres.
Haunted willows trenched in terror.
Smearing smiles with blackened sulphur.
Beckoning all that dare to wonder.

Cast your sins and pray for mercy.
Instead of casting stones like some Pharisee.
Beware the seas when they turn ******.
Trials and tribulations more terrible than Monday’s.

Death the only thing that awaits.
Wondering if you’ll see the pearly gates.
As shadows bubble in the lake.
Creepy music, where monsters wait.

Let's take it back to my old city,
It may be not that pretty,
But I'll stick with it, even when I’m sick of it,
Original Canadian that writes poems that pull you in just like a hypnotist.
You can't get with this,
For my penmanship is that of a novelist.
Started from humble beginnings doing shifts,
As a dish washer and I hated it,
As I was getting verbally assaulted daily by management.
Maybe that’s where I began to hate the establishment.
That could only view me as one of the savages.
Getting in fights at schools, leaving in bandages.
Maybe that’s why I became an activist.
With an active list.
Of changes that I see fit.
Just a young kid that grew up in E-town,
That got into the rap thing since grade seven,  
As I needed something to release all my pent up aggression. An artistic kid, treated as an autistic kid.
That was never understood so he always hid.
Searching for an outlook in.
Wondering if it was possible to whiten up my skin.
To be honest that's how I started, I rocked with it,
hoping for acceptance because I hated always being the misfit.
I was the awkward kid that could only hang out with the emo's and the druggies or geeks;
I never fit in, a Christian kid made fun of because he was a Jesus freak.
That's why I get mad or question God;
Wondering where was God,
Can he truly help me when I feel caved in?
The world took me in,
To a life filled with so much sin,
I had lost my way, in a world that I thought decayed,
Leaving me astray as a slave.
I see it as I walk through out the day.
The fear in peoples eyes but I just wanted to play.
I just wanted a place to stay.
Where everything could be okay.
Trying to find the line,
What is it that divides?
Searching for the truth,
What is it that makes me-me?
I just want to flee, to escape reality.
I never chose to live; I never chose to be this way,
Living an existence full of foul play.
I worked hard to change myself,
Hoping the world would follow.
But it never did, people have made their bed.
It always goes to the highest bid.
For money speaks more to the hearts of men.
A materialistic love drenched in sin.
We treat it like it's worth something, but to me it's ugly.
It symbolizes separation between the poor and the rich;
With no time for those who don't make it.
It's time to say enough is enough,
And stop having our head up our ***** and grow up.
It's our choice to make life better, so what if there is pressure?
We can get through it together.

They strip us from our homes,
Tear up all our clothes.
Cutting up our hair, which was our strength.
Washing away our disease, for heaven’s sake.
Beat us for speaking our language.
And if we revolt they lock us away in cages.
Is there hope for a better life?
When we are still looked at as savages?
Watching as sisters end up missing.
Watching as brothers end up on the streets tweaking.
Is there hope for a better life?
When we are still looked at as the problem?
Watching fathers sip the fire water, get angry and start the beating.
Watching mothers grow submissive to the patriarchy prison.
Is there hope for a better life?
With the barriers that still exist within our society’s system?

Struggling with love,
As I fumble through it,
Not fully sure if there is a man above.
But I’ll get through it.

Father was all out of love,
But I grew accustomed to it,
Was caged like a dove,
Till I broke through it.
Shattered the glass ceiling,
Because I said ***** it.
My heart was reeling,
Got married then divorced before I knew it.
Wish I could leave it all behind,
But my trauma keeps me stuck in it.
Sometimes I wish I could rewind,
The time my heart took leadership from my mind.
For I always was chasing love because I never had it,
Thought I found the perfect magician but now all I’m left with is a rabbit.
With negative self talk becoming a habit.
If looking for love was a drug,
I’d be a crack addict.
For my self-worth was mugged,
Got my swerving into oncoming traffic.
At least then my death could be like my birth; ******* tragic.

For I’m...
Struggling with love,
As I fumble through it,
Not fully sure if there is a man above.
But I’ll get through it.

Maybe I just lost sight,
But if I enter church will God Smite?
Like that rabbit, I’ve been camouflaged my whole life,
Running away from danger, because I was too afraid to fight.
While chasing after carrots without any hindsight.
Heading right into a trap, perhaps I’m my own biggest plight?
Lying to myself and others by saying I’m alright.
Yet wishing I could go plus ultra like All Might.
For I’m feeling so powerless,
Filled with cowardice,
Living in a world so colourless,
It just feels like I was hit with a Judas kiss,
****, but I guess that just my penance.
Used to be the king of my tower,
But as the clock hits the final hour,
The people I used to step on like flowers,
Turn to lions that devour.
****, but I guess that just my penance.

Maybe that why I’m...

Struggling with love,
As I fumble through it,
Not fully sure if there is a man above.
But I’ll get through it.

She got the where with all,
Which is good cause,
I’m in withdrawal.

The laws of attraction,
Can cause some tension,
When she is in love with me,
But I’m in love with intoxication.

Don’t know how it happened?
Mind over matter,
Until I’m met with Jacob’s ladder,
As the room spun, and my eyes blackened.

A darkness unlike any depression,
A bleakness likened to my inner weakness.
That reminds me,
Of a boy trapped inside a man’s body.
A boy who never grew up,
Like those in neverland.
A boy who wanted desperately to fly away,
Like Peter Pan.

These repressed memories,
That are usually drowned,
By the sounds of toxic dependence.
Are now rushing into the door,
Of my heart.
That I try my best to keep shut.
From the monsters that like to tear off.
Pieces of me, like I’m some injured animal.
That hardened me to the world,
That to me was a cannibal.
That eats innocents like me alive.
With no answers as to why?

So, than why should I remain sober?
Instead of continuing to be numb?
Aren’t we all pretenders?
Under the thumbs,
Of sweet surrender?

A surrender from our true selves.
Everyone is an actor,
In show and tell.
Wanting to be in the centre,
Of the spotlight.
Instead of the lingering,
In the shadows of hell.

Which got me wondering?
What demon your hiding from?
And what concoction you use,
To keep it at bay?

I tried calling but you don’t seem to be there,
Perhaps you don’t care.
As I sit here in despair.
Lost it all, now I’m bare.
Chained in shackles,
As the whips crackle,
Ripple across my flesh.
Wondering if this is a test.
It’s says that you give weary people rest.
Lying in dirt waiting to be blessed.
Waiting to be refreshed,
In your healing waters.
Anticipating your mercy,
When you bring down that ladder.
For I’m caged in regret,
Imprisoned by my shame.
As I’m squished by debt,
With only myself to blame.
Calling but no answer,
Getting persecuted so badly that I’m starting to long for the slaughter.
What I’d do to switch places with Job’s sons and daughters.
Why should an innocent man be ruined by spiteful two-faced accusers?
Whose lies that have placed me in grave danger.
And lord I’m trying my best not to be quick to anger.
So, I stay silent for your answer.
As life is temporary,
And your plans are far greater,
Far greater than that deserving of a commoner.
Like me.
May your grace shine down on me,
May you exceed abundantly all I can ask or think.
And may give strength where I am weak.
And may my sleep give me peace.
When I’m alone and things seem bleak.
May my tongue not taste defeat.
Provide me with water so that I may wash your feet.
For when there was famine,
You gave me wheat.
When I was freezing in the wilderness,
You provided shelter and heat.
So, although I am imprisoned.
I have already been released.
As long as you are with me,
No chains can hold me.
As long as you are with me,
The devil has no authority to **** me.
As long as I trust,
My enemies will be crushed.
But for now I wait,
For a timing so perfect.
But for now I wait,
Because I know it’ll be worth it.

In these valleys I tally these fallacies,
Just a casualty of existence.
In these valleys I wallow like a willow I’m hallow,
Just an anomaly that survives by persistence.

Through the dark I pray for sparks,
In the day I’m flooded wishing for Noah’s ark.
Depression sure hits harder than a step father,
But because I’m a guy society can’t be bothered.
Sometimes I just wish I could be a martyr like Martin Luther King.
For like him I have a dream,
That one day that happiness isn’t defined as having all the cream.
For you can have it all yet be the loneliest and most miserable King or Queen.
Yeah I have a dream,
That the people in the world will cut off their puppet strings.
For there is just so much we don’t know that’s keep behind the scenes.
Yeah I got a dream,
That skin colour doesn’t bias towards condemnation but instead towards true freedom.
To going anywhere without fear of being gunned down because of residing in a corrupt system.
That was programmed by powerful white privileged white mon,
That scapegoats minorities as a nuance and a problem.
But I have a dream, yeah I got a dream.
That my future children can grow up in a world without persecution.
That my future children can grow up without the barriers of a system engrained with racism.
Yeah I got a dream, oh I got a dream.

Even through the valleys where I count all these fallacies I will not let go of my dreams.
Even if I’m just a casualty of existence I will fight for my dreams.
Even if I feel hollow like a willow that wallows I will scream for my dreams.
Even if I’m an anomaly, my persistence will follow me to attain all my dreams.

I just want to be loved,
But I can’t even love myself,
I just want to be loved,
But I can’t even love myself.

Look, pain be creeping,
And my endorphins be sleeping.
I want love but I’m scared to love,
Because in the past I’ve been so broken.
Yeah and I’m still shaking,
With my Mental health taking a toll.
My heart is acking,
If love was a marathon I’m would be at a crawl.
Trying to fall in love but I always land face first,
Am I meant for happiness or am I just cursed.
To die alone,
To cry alone,
Everything I do alone,
Is it just too much ask for a loving voice emitting from the other side of the phone?
I just want love,
But can’t stand rejection,
I ain’t looking for perfection,
Lord knows I’m anything but,
Anything but,
All I want is love,
Longing for someone that understands.
I just want love,
Someone I can walk with through this path called life.
Hand in hand.
Just some real love.
None of that fake ****.

I just want to be loved,
But I can’t even love myself,
I just want to be loved,
But I can’t even love myself.

I want someone to trust,
But I can’t seem to trust myself.
How far down must one fall,
Before they cry for help.
That what I ask myself.
Tell me is worth it?
Tell me are you really worth it?
Tell me your intentions, what’s the purpose?
They say love is hell,
But I’d rather be there with someone other than by myself.
That’s real.
Nothing in life is easy.
Nor would I want it to be.
I just need,
I just want,
I just wish,
Can’t I just be selfish for once?
Can’t I be happy for once?
To laugh,
To cry,
To kiss someone else good night,
And then wake up with them still there.
****, maybe I’m just asking for too much.
Been abandoned too much.
And push those that get to close.
Because I’m scared of being hurt again,
Scared to be left again,
Scared to rely on someone who may let me down again.
Scared to pour out my soul just for to be thrown out like some bath water...
I’m just scared.
But I also know I gotta test those oceans again.
To face those rains and winds again.
But this time choose someone better suited to survive these waves with.
In order to not drown again.

Verse 1:
Somebody call the coroner, I done murdered this ***** and governor.
Three some gone wrong, better take a shot and have another beer!
Talk about groping and coping mixed with some codeine; I’m paranoid and full of fear.
Should’ve seen it coming, was bullied and teased by the world who only ever saw me as being weird.
So I **** to fill the void, cause it used to hit me like morphine; but now that intoxication has ******* disappeared.
**** got me annoyed! Got me scratching at the floor boards; like the devil’s here!
Fifty shades of grey, go get the toys, what’s that squeaking sound? Dear governor?
(Halloween tense noise)
Aww.. why’d ya have to go in there?

Hook:
Like a ghoul in the shadows, like a fiend on the loose, there’s a monster outside, better go get the noose!
I’m a ghoul on mission, so best hide your momma and her scrumptious caboose!

Verse 2:
Got a taste of the dark side, blood in my gin.
Soul decomposing, but I’ll still put it in.
I’m fiend in the night, I’m giving in to my sin,
Hush now already, it’s all right to give in!
(Crunch of an apple sound and screams)
I’m dying just to taste it, my appetite is wicked, eating souls to survive, ain’t got nothing to conflict with!
Some dimwits call me sadistic, but pain is where I thrive; so it don’t matter if yawl plead the fifth.
It’s a struggle to survive in a world where homelessness is treated a myth.
I just might be psychotic but the governments the real sith!
Just take a look at them CIA files man, that ***** real sick.
But if ya expose too much, you’ll end up dead real quick!
Guess I’m not only ghoul in the shadows lurking with them silencers that go.. click; click!

Hook:
Like a ghoul in the shadows, like a fiend on the loose, there’s a monster outside, better go get the noose!
I’m a ghoul on mission, so best hide your momma and her scrumptious caboose!

Trying my best not to drown,
Praying for better days,
While the devil tries to hold me down,
Wondering if there is a better way.
Is there a better way?

I hear the voices of the discriminated,
The voices of those exploited.
Voices like mine, hurting.
It’s for certain, that being coloured is deemed a burden.
With so many blind of what’s kept behind the curtain.
Living in a society where ya can be seen as a terrorist for wearing a turban.
Living in a society driven to the point of retribution.
But at least some of these protests have worked hard to end exploitation.
Exploitation of wealth,
Exploitation from prostitution,
Exploitation of our health.
Exploitation of our founding constitutions.
Everything has a boiling point,
So why is everyone surprised that we are in a fight?
It’s sad that we are living in a democracy without rights.
Living in a democracy where many are not sure we’ll see the sunset.
And I know when some people hear this truth they will get upset.
Telling minorities to just forget.
But we will never forget as long as police still **** us in public!
Oh ****!

But don’t mind me as I’m just...
Trying my best not to drown,
Praying for better days,
While the devil tries to hold me down,
Wondering if there is a better way.
Is there a better way?

Alright... listen.
Without body cams,
Cops basically have free ****** badges,
Struggling for justice but get silenced like the lambs,
Or they be putting us in ghettos chocking us to death with taxes,
I wouldn’t be surprised if this system was actually run by the ku klux ****!
But saying this is some how deemed blasphemous.
Yet a minorities lifespan,
Is statistically lower, but apparently that’s not blasphemous.
Why does our colour turn us into the bogeyman?
Why does our journey have to more treacherous?
Who do I believe in man?
I thought God was supposed to deliver us?
From evil yet all I see is Sons of Sam.
****.
All I see are Sons of Sam.
And I know when some people hear this truth they will get upset.
Telling minorities to just forget.
But we will never forget as long as police keep trying to **** us in secret.
Oh ****.

But don’t mind me as I’m just...
Trying my best not to drown,
Praying for better days,
While the devil tries to hold me down,
Wondering if there is a better way.
Is there a better way?

Starting refreshed,
Ready for a new year,
A new battleground,
With new obstacles and fears,
But having the courage to preserver.
Meeting new friends,
And making amends with family.
Gaining wisdom from past mistakes.
For we are not perfect but that’s ok.
As long as we try our best.
As long as we give our all.
Leaving no room for regrets.
For regrets can spin us out of control.
If we don’t wash it away.
And I know that some of you may feel split,
Like the ends of their hair.
But you need to cut off the bad,
For a healthier look.
For a healthier you.
Ready to take on and then claim this as your year!

I remember when people said love is like a connection,
Back in December I met a girl that gave me affection.
Back then I fell hard, blinded from detection.
Thought this girls heart needed protection.
Who knew it was my heart that needed protection from her deception.
Had open wounds and she was the infection.
Left me for dead,
As regret shoots out bullets into my head.
But I made my bed,
So as I’m fed..
To the lions,
I wonder if shall enter Zion.
But because I can’t let bygones be bygones,
With an anger that burns hotter than the sun.
I’ll probably end up down under,
So, as I enter with Mr. Grim Reaper,
To a place where the devil plunders,
Souls of unbelievers.
I wonder,
Will I one day meet that witch down here?

Trying my best not to get mixed in with the wrong crowd,
Making choices to forget twisted messages that come from pride.
That say what’s wrong with just...
This or that.
It’s not like doing something wrong is going to give ya a heart attack.
But my heart in fact is like an artifact.
Fragile, so I protect it to keep my heart in tact.
Can’t overcome with a hack and slash mindset.
Can’t overcome by doing what I’ve done before.
Relying on my own strength or on gadgets.
But instead being instilled with hope and love that goes deeper than metaphors.
Even when sometimes my pain hits harder than a meteor.
But I will keep fighting for,
A strength that only comes from my core.
Because I know my self worth is worth more.
Than the adoration or encore of others,
That never once bore,
An ounce of wealth to the poor.
The same ones that only used me for,
Their own gain or reward.
But I thank the lord,
For if it wasn’t for him I’d be hanging from a cord.
I thank the lord,
For being my sword,
Filling me with reassuring words.
Whose grace and mercy I can’t afford.
No, I can’t afford.
Oh, I can’t afford.

When the waves come,
I stay steadfast,
When the storms come,
I don’t hide.
When I feel like a slave you free me.
When I feel worthless,
You fill me with your spirit.
So, as long as I still breath.
I will thank you.
So, as long as I still breath,
I will praise you.

When it was dark,
You gave me light,
When I was blinded,
You gave me sight,
Even when I blamed you,
You continued to say “I still love you”,
Even when I abandoned you,
You continued to say “ I’m always with you”.
Lord I can’t afford.
Oh, I can’t afford.
Your grace and mercy.
When I feel like you should curse me.
For so long I was a dead man walking,
Till you said “drop everything and follow me”.
For so long I was a dead man walking,
Till you gave a life and a purpose to someone like me.
Someone so undeserving.
Someone so broken and weary.
A thankless person who was always sinning.
When I was blind, you helped me see.
You gave me a foundation.
When I was sinking.
You gave me a heart to help this nation.
When I was idling.
So, in the times...

When the waves come,
I stay steadfast,
When the storms come,
I don’t hide.
When I feel like a slave you free me.
When I feel worthless,
You fill me with your spirit.
So, as long as I still breath.
I will thank you.
So, as long as I still breath,
I will praise you.

I can’t believe it’s come to this,
Falling back to your arms,
Embracing those snake lips,
Just when I thought I escaped,
I am reacquainted with a succubus.
Even though I know my heart will be broken,
I anticipate the painful bliss.
Passion has a cost,
And I lost sense in my worth,
For all my life I’ve been treated like an arcade token,
Used and then eventually discarded.
In my mind I’ve spoken,
With my conscious hoping,
And encouraging me that I’m better than this.
I used to believe that but now I’m not so sure anymore.
Most days I feel empty to the core.
Drifting on a shore of despair.
If only you could’ve seen who I used to be,
If only I remembered who that person was.
Yet, some still care, hoping I leave her.
The temptress that deceived me.
The villain that is slowly killing me.
I know, oh I truly know.
Perhaps I may be the only one that really knows.
But, yet also the only one that can’t seem to let it go,
Some see value in material things,
I remember when value meant so much more to me,
After all the success or fame one achieves,
We’ll still be left feeling empty,
Which doesn’t make sense to me,
It’s like creating a recipe,
For self-sabotage.
It’s like every time I try to beat the odds,
Reality tries to get even with me.
Like the first time I laid eyes on pills,
They looked so sweet.
Taking my pain away like some kind of deity,
Truly, love blinded me,
To the point where I wasn’t expecting the guillotine,
That was awaiting me.
And, for the longest time I would lie,
Referring to these pills as a woman,
Because it was easier for people to digest,
How ironic is that?

I’ve been through so much,
Yet I still get depressed,
Like what more do I have to get off my chest?
I build myself up, just to be torn to pieces,
I don’t want to give up, by sometimes it just feels like I’m another blurred face.
Put within a space where I can’t even tell who the **** I am.
Or why am I even there.
I keep trying to be better, but still no one cares.
I’m still struggling with addiction,
And battling all my fears.
It’s just I can’t help but to go back to how I’ve always been.
Where my only friend is a bottle of gin.
But that is not my only crutch,
I’m also lost in my lust.
Lust for things, lust for fame and fortune.
To be treated as important instead of a mistake.
I just long for a day this emptiness will go away.
But for right now I’m stuck in a vortex.
With no air to breath.
Sometimes, I feel like Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill just for it to roll down again.
Like ****.
Why can’t I escape my insecurities,
That say I’m ugly, or won’t achieve anything.
Or ever be in love again.
I just feel broken and sad.
Even though I put on a good smile.
Or make people laugh.
It’s just that I finally understand what Robin Williams meant.
When he said that some of the greatest comedians are usually the most in pain.
For I’m good at giving advice or helping other people,
But when it comes to myself it’s the opposite.
I just give and give and give,
Until there is nothing left.
I want a break through,
I want to change,
I want to laugh and really mean it,
I want to love without all my past baggage.
But yet here I am,
Still Chasing my own tail.
Stuck in my own personal hell.
People say it’ll get better,
Tell me when the hell is that.
I’ve been in this cycle for eight yrs and still nothing’s changed.
Nothing has gotten better.
And I’ve been praying,
But maybe God is just too fed up with me.
Maybe I’m too far gone to ever see the light again.
I don’t know anymore,
Because right now I’m struggling.

Let me just transcribe these fine lines,
Filled with grey and red highlights,
I swear imma lose my mind,
Or be forced to go plus ultra on these folk like I’m All-Might!
So, much for free speech,
I guess I’ll just mumble around with no punchlines,
I feel like I’m stuck in the confines and losing sight,
With my dreams being impeached.
While my corporate overlords overload me with fluff pieces,
To appease the masses,
How we supposed to look at things clearly and objective?
How we supposed to see if you smash our glasses?
Sometimes, I just wish people would just get off my *** man,
Or at least stop demonizing me like the tax man,
Especially, when I sacrificed so much fam!
And all for what? Being bombarded like I’m the Taliban?
I just don’t understand?
Help me ******* comprehend!
How your offence over what I said,
Or did is grounds for chopping off my hands?
Just because you got so over sensitive,
With some harsh truth?
Tell me how the **** that works?
It’s not like I’m trying to rip out your tooth,
For unlike you I’m not a heartless ****!