I’m so tired of saying I fine!
When that’s not how I feel inside.
Please don’t force me to lie.
Know that I’m trying.
Smiling yet feel like dying.
Don’t mind me.
It’s just the pain I be carrying.

Why can’t it be okay?
To not be okay?
Sun is shining,
Yet it feels like rain.
Why can’t it be okay?
To not be okay?
Flowers are blooming,
Yet all I see is decay.

Wish you didn’t have to see me like this,
I’m just thankful that it’s me and not you,
That’s going through this!
Wish you didn’t have to see me like this,
But I’m thankful you’re not the one,
Who fell into the abyss.

But don’t mind me.
I’m just tired of saying I’m fine.
When that’s not how I feel inside.
Please don’t force me to lie.
Know that I’m trying.
Smiling yet feel like dying.
Don’t mind me.
It’s just the pain I be carrying.

Why can’t it be okay?
To not be okay?
Sun is shining,
Yet it feels like rain.
Why can’t it be okay?
To not be okay?
Flowers are blooming,
Yet all I see is decay.

Faux pas, my bad, my fault.
Trying to be perfect, I’m not.
Heart gnaws, it aches, it stings like salt.
Shoulda kept it hidden, in a vault.
Curse words, traverse through my thoughts.
And they haunt.
I’m trapped, I’m caught.
Depressions at the door, didn’t even knock.
When will this nightmare finally stop?
Wondering how I can delete it?
Like ctrl alt.
So, I can live long and prosperous like Spock.

But don’t mind me.
I’m just tired of saying I’m fine.
When that’s not how I feel inside.
Please don’t force me to lie.
Know that I’m trying.
Smiling yet feel like dying.
Don’t mind me.
It’s just the pain I be carrying.

Why can’t it be okay?
To not be okay?
Sun is shining,
Yet it feels like rain.
Why can’t it be okay?
To not be okay?
Flowers are blooming,
Yet all I see is decay.

Could paint a picture with words,
Writing verses yawl never heard.
Take some time to observe.
Cause you’ll never know what you’ll learn.
Whether yawl stay grounded like an ant,
Or soaring through the air like a bird.
Taking steps forward is like watering a plant.
In order to grow,
It’s not about where you’ve been,
But where you’re at.
And I ain’t gonna lie,
Sometimes you might hit a set back,
But as they say life ain’t always gift wrapped.
Got to know when to take a break, and have a Kit Kat.
For stress, anxiety and depression, will only leave you trapped.
In a cycle of been there, done that.
Which can become a toxic habitat.
And trust me when I say,
It’s really hard to overcome that.
Especially when ones mind has been highjacked.
By the words of others,
That can pin you down to the mat.
For the one, two, three.
Where is that referee?
That be trying to **** on me?
Like I’m Ted Dibiase!
But seriously,
How do we,
Start cleaning up the debris,
That is taking up free,
Space within our minds, thoughts and dreams?
Well the answer will differ for both you and me.
Depending on what healing means.

Depression is like a dark cloud to my Eeyore,
That takes away my joy,
Like it was a **** repossession.
And just like Thor,
For so long I felt unworthy,
But maybe I just gotta endure some hardships,
To receive eternal glory.
Like it states in verse 2 of second Timothy.
Been writing verses even before therapy sessions,
Where my pain turned to lessons,
And those lessons turned to weapons,
But what matters is how you invest them.
So, tell me…
Will you die stressing or digesting?
When faced with barriers, that block ones progression?
I remember how…
I used to think my scars lessened my value,
Yeah, I used think tears weakened my value,
Thinking I was unworthy of a breakthrough.
But sometimes you gotta enter forests,
And battle terrain to attain a mountain view.

Police fronting blue lives matter,
What are they some type of smurfs?
Treating minorities like they Gargamel,
Not even wizards yet we treated like a curse.
Can shoot us in the back, pretending all is well.
And go back home for some dessert.
Than the next day go to church,
To praise and yell.
Yet can’t hear us yelling for air,
When they knees on our necks,
What part of that is to serve and protect?
We are taught to respect authority,
Yet can’t keep in check?
But when power is left unchecked,
It becomes corrupt.
And for a department of corrections.
It certainly is anything but correct.
When they be jailing innocents,
Simply because their colour, makes them the usual suspect.
It shouldn’t be like this.
But in this world, the simple fact is.
That there ain’t no true justice.
For people like us.

But maybe in the next life!
Yeah maybe in the next life.
Things will be alright.
Things will be alright.
So, here’s to the next life.
Here’s to next life.

A life where I no longer worry,
About people following me,
In stores because their convinced,
Imma start stealing.
A life where I no longer worry,
About cooperating with my hands up,
Wondering if the officer is gonna shoot me.
In the back of my head than claim they did it defensively.
Getting away with ****** in the first degree.
And being able to come back home to their families.
Unlike the lost souls they took out discrliminintly.
I know that not all cops are bad,
However, they do have a gang like mentality.
By that I mean.
They defend each other’s actions even if they are guilty.
And justify it as loyalty.
I call it corruption and disgusting,
But maybe that’s just me?
And truthfully if good cops defend bad cops,
That makes them just as bad in my opinion G.
It’s like watching a bully continue to bully.
And not doing or saying something.

But maybe in the next life!
Yeah maybe in the next life.
Things will be alright.
Things will be alright.
So, here’s to the next life.
Here’s to next life.

Pass me that ****,
I don’t even smoke,
I just need me some hope,
Because I’m depressed,
Yet it’s treated as a joke.
Wondering when,
I’ll be like Georgie’s boat.
Cause I don’t know,
How much longer I can float?
But I’m trying my best,
To find ways to cope.
Even when I be,
Confusing my father with a ghost.
Who knew trauma,
Was like walking a tight rope!
And because I hate drama,
I follow my usual tropes.
By slipping away just like soap.
Never addressing the problems,
That has lead me down, these treacherous slopes.
Not sure where I’m supposed to go now.
All I know is that I’m going down.
And the inner walls, can’t protect me now.
With the bottled up emotions spilling out.
But unlike a Jordan Peele movie,
I don’t want this to Get Out.
Because it may damage the relationship,
That I’ve fought to have now.
However, my dads alcoholism is out of control now!
And I no longer feel safe within his home now.
It’s no wonder that my mental health is waning!
I suppose it’s crazy.
Wishing for a father that was healthy.
Such a sentimental fantasy.
When in actuality,
He blames my mother,
Even though he was the absentee.
And it was up to me,
To pick up the pieces,
Of my heart, that you left for me.
And growing up to be,
A man that you could never be.

Hook:
I’ve decided that, I won’t put up,
With the *******.
Of the narrow minded.
To high on their pulpit.
To see the trauma, I be trying to cope with.
(Yeah)

For I know my worth!
Cause imma resilient child,
That fought to live ever since birth.
An infant chiseled from earth,
Knowing that changes might hurt,
But if I never start.
I’ll never go,
For every high, there are lows.
Just how it goes.
That’s what I’m told.
Gotta be like Batman,
By being brave and bold.
In order to juxtapose,
Being exposed to the decomposed.
That life may hold.
Even if it might be,
A ******* lightning bolt.
Whatever the pain may be,
I’ll never give up hope.
Just got to reframe,
The toxins into antidotes.
Call that the anecdote,
Of these rhymes I done wrote.

Hook:
I’ve decided that, I won’t put up,
With the *******.
Of the narrow minded.
To high on their pulpit.
To see the trauma, I be trying to cope with.
(Yeah)
I won’t put up! No I won’t put up!
Nor will I give up! Never gonna give up!
Layed down too long,
And it’s about time I got up.
Been sleep walking too long,
So, it’s about time I woke up!

Society is strung together,
Where violins can become violence.
So, if atoms transform at the molecular,
How do environments,
Transform humans into predators?
It’s as if they’ve been injected with a virus,
Constructed by Reaganomics,
Where many be…
Growing up without fathers,
While having a education system, with no reliance.
So, can’t be shocked by the defiance of a brother.
Raised by a single mother, who may be as loving as a giant.
By can’t save him when a police officer,
Shoots him dead for “apparent” non-compliance.
****.
It reminds me,
Of how they be defiling us,
Lines divide, while dead bodies become boundaries.
In the land of the free,
Where they forgot about us.
Except when we take a knee in solidarity.
Even though they may not be Indigenous.
Our lives matter *****!
You just mad because you can no longer **** with us!

In God we trust? (Yeah)
Are sure it’s not the Devil?
North America is built on lust,
And martyrs bones,
Don’t believe get a shovel!

In God we trust? (Yeah)
Are sure it’s not the Devil?
North America is built on lust,
And martyrs bones,
Don’t believe get a shovel!

Can’t believe I live in a society,
Where MMIW issues are treated with silence.
Where private property,
Was originally a luxury for settlers that betrayed us.
Like every other country now in poverty,
Just ask Africa or Mexico,
They’ll tell you it was no buenas.
Our economy is only in prosperity,
Because of actions that were truly heinous.
For minorities.
Because instead of promises,
We were sold lies,
While they were selling lives;
How advantageous.
Instead of promises,
Truth became compromised,
And colour became a crime,
Literally becoming worse than Judas!
Sending children off to slaughter schools,
And parents had no time to say goodbye.
Treating us worse than abused mules.
Watching as they milk these lands dry.
With one question left lingering…
As to Why?

In God we trust? (Yeah)
Are sure it’s not the Devil?
North America is built on lust,
And martyrs bones,
Don’t believe get a shovel!

In God we trust? (Yeah)
Are sure it’s not the Devil?
North America is built on lust,
And martyrs bones,
Don’t believe get a shovel!