I feel Hollow.
Barren.
Empty.
That hollowness erodes my body,
leaving a trail of decay.
Cracks crawl through my brittle bones,
shattering my skull,
fragmenting my thoughts.
A carmine-colored river floods into my caving lungs,
before dragging itself up my throat.
The metallic taste slowly overwhelms my mouth,
and seeps through my gapped teeth.
My glass smile falls and shatters.
Terror grips what was once my voice,
holding sound captive-
my call for help erased by despair.
Only strangled sobs exist.
I'm left choking on my own life force.
Each sob collects upon my face;
a veil of tears cover my broken visage.
Shrouding me from prying eyes that encompass judgemental gazes.
Without even seeing,
their stares spear my soul and blacken my heart.
The forgotten, grayed ash
smothers out all that remains.
My rotted husk: a void, a dismal skeleton.
A vast emptiness that nothing can fill.
Broken.
Decayed.
Hollow.
It's what I am.
I'm reposting because I just won 7th place in a state contest with this poem. Any thoughts on it? Or advice to improve?