I cannot look into eyes
Not out of bashfulness
The iris tells no lies
Staring into the color
I see the stories:
A journey of chaos
A past of conflict
A presence of confusion
I cannot look into eyes
Because they never lie

Out of all the advice in life
So many say to "push through"
But when someone reaches the end
They look around
Wondering what to do
Then as they meet more people
More walls appear before them
But when they glance back
They feel no pride
For they have realized
What it means, deep inside

Familiar faces
Leave friendly places
Before having the chance
To enjoy it
For the man always on edge
Can never lower his guard
Not because of perceived danger
But out of habit and disregard
To the finer tastes
Which cannot be tasted
For his life itself, flavorless

As the music box plays
Childhood melodies
Pure joy and bliss
With a mind full of thrills
Then, I grew up
And the notes distorted

No longer
Can I taste
The fresh flavor of fun
Is it because of too much exposure?
Has my mind changed?
Has the world changed?
When will the fun come?
Is fun important? Is life important?
Too many questions with no distraction
I care about nothing
I feel nothing
I am innocent--no longer

Lionize, demonize
Always on two different sides
Never truly realize
The damage it does
To the inside
Bundle of philistines
I have foreseen the end of me
Not of body, but memories
Much too late to intervene
Ivy cannot grow without a source
But when eyes have turned away
It is too late, only soul remains
Tired of autonomy, praying for a lobotomy

Toxic sassafras
Poison to the bone, yet still
I desire it so

Malice
Come in many forms
But at its rotten core
Lies ignorance
Not to be chastised
But to be guided, educated
The way to reduce evil is not to extinguish
To foster and nurture a new perspective
That will do much more
No more breaking down doors
Owned by the most important people

Scraping the walls
That resemble my mind
I cannot think coherently
For my sight
Has gone blind
My ears
Have gone deaf
My touch
Has numbed
My smell
Has died
Toppled by nightmares
Which persist when awake
Wishing for the day
To fly away

Catch and release
As I fish, my joy will increase
Catch and release
How exotic, such beauty should be honored
Catch and release
...
Where have the fish gone?
I look down, but the veil of water
Gone.
The beauty?
Gone.
Aquatic graveyard that holds past families
I am only a fisherman
Emphasis on the "man"
For just like the rest
I prayed for a solution
Got back a jest
...
Catch and release
Rest well, be free
My hook will be alone
But now your minds will be at ease
Singing the eternal lullaby:
Catch and release.

Every day is a task
Every action is a challenge
How can I be a champ
When every day I malfunction?
Dropping the trophy on the ground
Not vindictive
But indicative of the dividends
Which I lack
A screaming delinquent
With no more words
To satisfy you
I'd say I ruin the atmosphere
But down here, it died in the first-year

Housing the deranged
Protecting the estranged
Isn't it quite strange
That we treat the broken
But never prevent the downfall?
Sanity runs away
For the ones who live in dismay

Enjoying nothing
Enjoying nobody
Taking chemicals
To change brain chemicals
Trying to act normal
In a life we made
How can anyone live on their own
When the odds are stacked against it?

Face painting in fall
Gift giving in winter
I look back at this place
With tears on my face
Not born from misery
But reminiscing
On pleasant memories
Ignorance in bloom
As I think about the past
I wonder, what happened to you?

They say we are the apex predator
As we live on a planet
Which throws disasters
Of natural elements
If we own this world
Why can our lives unfurl?
We still have some control
But for how long?
As the restrains slip
We lose ourselves to the natural law:
Every action has two reactions
But when billions of people
Throw toxin into space
We act like there's one
Like an estranged lover
We only remember what affected us
Like an aging samurai
We have lost our drive to fight

Call the laborer a slave
For they both have chains
Ones that have none, fight for more
Toiling at a place I once enjoyed
Now I sit around and think
"Will I ever see joy?"
Using entertainment to block out the hate
But my brain speaks a truth
Not even I want to hear
Going insane at a daily stage
All I own are distractions
That separates me from the membrane

I do not want to die
I want to stop existing
I do not want to cry
I want to release my emotion
I do not want to sleep
I want to cure my heart's erosion
I do not want to be weak
I want to learn how to be a boulder
I can keep saying what I want
But "want" and "do" are two roads with no guide
One is realistic
The other resides in a hypothetical, deep inside

Why do sea creatures
Wreak havoc on ships?
Is it an invasion of territory?
Establishment of dominance?
How do they perceive our attempts at transportation?
Many kinds, from distant nations
Folklore may sound fake
But the struggle reveals some reality
Nature versus our evolution
Invading territory turns life into a horror
If only we learned
From our own species glory
We may label oceans
But from the commotion
They are the ones whose loss breaks into emotion
A cycle of locomotion, a home called an "ocean"
So once the guardians come out
How can we act surprised?
Asking "Why do you disturb our home?"
We reply "Because we need more for our home."
The struggle persists, no matter man or fish.

Awoken in a bed
Deprived of mobility
Only a brain
Hell on highwater
Thoughts become prominent
The only muscle that remains
After years of disregard
I now know the pain
Negligence, forgetfulness
Spiraled into a death march
Bathed in a trail of tears
I desire the right to die
But is it right to die?
Living, but hardly
Surviving, as a burden
Physically broken
Only time will tell when the mind goes too
Give it three--maybe two weeks
Until the brink falls into the drink
And all things fade away as I blink

What has been lost
Can be found
But on the journey to reclamation
Present sacrifices will be required for the past
Past or present?
Discretion or haste?
Which one brings joy to your face?

A doll with needles
Painted with my initials, it is me
Taking pain from others
Stabbing it into my chest
So much of it, I want to reduce it
Normal for a little
But everyone has a lot
Extreme tolerance comes in handy
Idly waiting for something to change
Sorry to disappoint, nothing will
Allow me to be the stepping stone
On a path to recovery
Why care about myself when I can save multiple?
Life is one chance
No retries
So for now, let us talk
I can't save them all
But I can guide someone
For we all love to give advice
Yet never follow what we deliver
As someone who has listened
Let me be the one to bring tranquility

Love is essential
What can it manifest as?
Desire or joint love

The more we are
The more we unfurl the world
Humanity has lost its humane identity
Bringing up more problems
Fewer solutions
A race against time for survivability
What's the probability of our revival?
Order to the chaos
Yin to the yang
Black to the white
To win a war, you have to lose some fights.

Dear my departed
No memories remain, yet...
I never feel sole.

Sibling rivalry
Two, spiteful jealousy
One, empty living

I wish I could say
How I truly feel
But when you lose all feeling
It gets hard to describe it
Lost all my nerves, still getting nervous
A face of neutrality brings no satisfaction
How do I change a face I struggle to embrace?
The most moderate of actions
Take all the energy
Starting and finishing feels like a race
Tripping over the line, only to realize
I'm right back at the beginning.

I don't know how to hope
All I do is cope with jokes
One of a kind? Just a joke.
An ace of naught
Sanctimonious? I am not.
Pride builds foundations out of nations
Built to fall
Better to be undersold
Than to perceive yourself as a flush
While dreams get rushed
Into a joker's hand
The deck is laid out
While the house prepares to win, full house

No aspirations
Delusions of grandeur
All they give is dopamine
Which my brain resists
Going through the motions
Life is no checklist, why has no one checked this?
For when the bucket list is finished
What comes next?
Filling up a bucket just to dump out the water
Wasting oxygen on an expensive ottoman
If I could be a cosmopolitan, I'd deny the request
All it does is make my chest feel pressed, stressed
Why should I be obsessed with tests when I have no self-interest?

Drifting through space
Falling down
Into oblivion
At the end of the road
I feel no fear
For I have taken the pain of others
Stapled onto me, I feel no regret
For the lives of many
Were aided by the few, one
A single reduced to zero
The others were spared, I was always ready

The moon, I smile at you
Every time I feel alone
At least one thing never changes
After all, I still see you

High altitude
Brought to a bigger status
Here comes the panic
Higher reputation brings a sobering mutation
Babbling turns to quotations, fame incarnate
Afraid of heights, embodied in metaphor
How can I rise with a fear of heights?
Making new flights to forget the time
A daily ritual, commonplace
Fusion of melancholy and lazy days
Afternoons turn to night
Nights turn to days
I can predict these things, they keep going
But the waves drag me under
Awake till moonlight, it's cold outside
Thinking "maybe this time", like the day before
Every day is disarray, how do I get away?

Peering into the looking glass
Reflection, refraction
Dividing my face into quadrants
One side droops while the other stoops
Incongruent with my own race
Do I feel human today?
Or is the feeling returning?
Looking into the mirror
Why can I not recognize this face?
Two opposites in one, rabbit and cobra
Fierce but gentle, violent yet parental
Two halves in one whole
Yet, the pieces don't fit.

A life with no zest
Taste has been iced
Sight is no longer realized
All I hear is scratches and fakes
Smelling the rot coming from my core
In denial of the truth
Cause with fatigue, moving is a chore
Inside a pit of poets, I stand out
Raw and unfiltered to show my situation is dire
Going out for parties bring no satisfaction
When waking up is a chore, how can I live past tomorrow?
If I could find the source
I would stick it
But when the hemispheres lie on opposite ends
How can I function with a malfunction?

King of a zero
Fault is mine, wail in the night
Faded money, rags

Never asked for life
Asking for death, request denied
A bear trap, no longer bearable
Endurance has its limits
Still in my youth and I'm tapping out
I quit, not out of selfishness
But selflessness
Who wants to wake up and see the face of separation?
Split down the middle, asymmetrical
Just like my mood, one or the other
Pain or pleasure
Denied of leisure
Looking for treasure
All I find are stressors

My bed is a king
But I am no royalty
For it is incomplete
Without a queen
Yet I never deserved one
A kid can be no king
Nor can he control a kingdom
Relieved of this duty
For control of so many
No pleasure, only pressure

Artistry is wasted
On a modern mindset
I'd love to make what I want
But then I'd forgo:
Food
Water
Rent
Bills
All the things which drive me to pills
For in a twisted place
You have to contort your face
Eyes growing wide as the flame fades inside
Creations only matter in the frame of collectivity
Forgive my hostility
Creativity has given way to reactivity
To make a living, I rely on opinions
Of people who never shared my vision
If it was my decision, I'd envision a revision
Bringing back the soul and reviving life
When asked, we ask for less
Submitting to the hollow visage of progression
But in the race of life, heart and soul are left behind
What segregates life from those who never lived it?
I'd say I wear a mask
But that implies I can detach it
Co-dependent relationship comprised of battleships
If being a farce was a test
I'd bring home the championship.

My eyes, they grow
Weak and weary
Waking up and feeling teary
Look around, I see tyranny
So look to me, I have a theory:
In this corner of space
With no distance nor pace
I have no place where I will amount
A discount version of every human to come out
2 for 1, another sequel
Who will live to see my dismount?
I have no mission aided by superstition.

Nostalgia is a drug
One hit and you're fixed
Begging for more of a kick
Harsher ingredients in the mix
All a remix of what came before
Back when your hopes and dreams
Weren't ruined at twenty-four
Buying into the naivety of the scene
They painted the picture
So I am erasing the canvas
Blind to the times which we currently exist
Some things were positive
Some things were negative
But to buy into an illusion is to be addicted to past expositives
An ex-positive, an antidepressant that acts as a suppressant
Dressed to impress
Feeding into the happiness you and I once prepossessed
We all love what once came before
But as we lay weeping on the floor, remember:
Nostalgia is a carnivore, not a mentor

To the mall
Unending road of halls
I look around, all the same
Muted in play, perfect in pay
A singularity, polarity
In solidarity, I see beneath the regularity
Place of no grace with an average pace
Staring out into subspace
I say to this face:
I am tired of this workplace.

Walking through a forest
Eyes around, but not noticed
Snapping twigs unleash no motion
Blind to the world, deaf to the squirrels
Destroying peaceful beasts
To make a centerpiece
Why do I feel so at peace
In a place of pure grease?
Nature is a masterpiece, always released
Free from the connections that bring no direction
Upon reflection, this place is a correction

Silence
The most insulting of violence
Small flames burn brightest
Turning darkness to brightness
Yet unification led to the devastation
Weapons of disintegration
Bombs with clear identification
Playing it safe
Every single day
For the ignorant who take heed
Breed a pleading stampede
Superseding the old
While overtaking the meek
How can we root out the weak when we all pray to the antiques?
Falling victim to doublespeak
A boutique of freaks, oblique

Losing interest in accommodation
Of cash and rapport
A fortified compound
No rehabilitation for the whole nation
Surrounded by wilderness
In the thick of bliss
Bars covering up the truth
What's the prognosis?
Secrecy arrives once love dies
Time flows clockwise
Questioning the enterprise
Becoming neutralized
Turning away from the truth I recognize
Personalized, traumatized
Mesmerized by thoughts I overemphasize  
Symphonies of praise
Bring to me no gaze

Woke up again, 3 AM
Subconsciously trying to tell me
That things are amiss
Is there a point that I have missed?
Answers on a horizon I cannot fathom
Eclipsing my vision, iris circumcision
Decisions to make, faces to fake
As my feet quake, hope gets raked
Such an ache
Wanted a rhapsody
Received a lament, such a descent
On top of the world like a king and queen
Entertaining hypotheticals
Hope is not in the reticule
I'd call myself prophetical if more were esthetical
Wanting more from myself
While my health gets put on the shelf
Flying high in the sky
Until I wake up
Then my feet and future become clandestine

In the back of my mind
I remember a dream
My eyes had shot open
Assaulted by sounds
The ocean? I hear the waves.
I hear giggling
Not menacing, comforting
Is that a woman?
Does she recognize me?
I want to look closer
But, I see no face
What is this place?
No clues, no trace
Who is the figure?
Why does she linger?
I try to reach out with my fingers
Oh, she's gone, figures
----------------------------------------------
It's raining now
How long is this dream?
Is the message not received?
I can't see what I'm wearing
...
Who is that?
Standing at the threshold of water and sand
The woman from before, was this all planned?
She's soaked, wearing the same clothes as before
An umbrella? Was this always here?
I walk closer, yet I feel distant
The blank face turns to me
Wait, eyes, a mouth
A face has been revealed
Is she crying or has the rain marked its meal?
Her lips, they're moving...no sound?
"I'm sorry."
Huh?
She's walking into the ocean, drowning with no commotion
Locomotion, I need to run
Why is she crying?
What have I done?
How come I can't speak?
When will this dream find a theme?!
----------------------------------------------
Gasping, choking
Awake in a box of night
What was that dream?
I feel my face
Water...
Tears?
Are these out of fear or was it that severe?
...
I want to see her again
Maybe next time
I can shelter her from the downpour
...
If only I could've done it before.

Significance
What is left in the ruins of humanity?
Peacefully asleep, no longer awake
Memories of dust, happy in silence
Wishes are born from a good heart
But in a land of barren souls
How can one save all?
Such a shade of depression
A replica of once was
--------------------------------------------
On days like this
I see familiar faces turn into strangers
I'm going nowhere but I feel like a traveler
Not in my own home, nor my nation
When it all ends
I hope it's a beautiful song
I'd want a lullaby over a metal song
For at the end of our days
Angst and terror will no longer reign
No king to usurp the throne
Cause when we are all gone
None can oppose
--------------------------------------------
My voice cannot return
My prayers have faltered
If I wanted an answer
I'd be better making one myself
Longing for treasured times
In a chest with no key
Waiting for the day
When all is forgotten
Living off of vague hope
That billions will drop the hubris
Band together and deny ignorance
But when I yell
I hear no echo
--------------------------------------------
This weight of the world
Cannot be sheltered alone
My skin and bones
Wish for the end of the unknown
I hear the music box
But the tune is continuous
The theme of all of us, going down swinging
What do I swing at? Where is the bat?
Down at the 9th with the dignity of a doormat
So uptight, lost my appetite
Nothing's black and white yet so many deceive
What is the birthright of humans that say "goodnight"?

Cloudy days
All a haze
I had never felt right
I have no more fight
Gone is my light
No sting, no bite

How are you?
Me? Well, have you got a sec?
------------------------------------------------
Dead or alive
Which one am I?
Do I wanna be dead if all I do is survive?
Apathy, tragedy
Occasional care snuffed by cruelty
Feeding into the silence, violence
Born with flaws and no features
At least with toys
You can return them for a new one
Broken and fixed on the same day
Yet every **** day is a haze
------------------------------------------------
Trying to fix a human? Architecture.
One false move and the foundation is crumbled
There can be no pleasure if I am not conscious
It is all I am, can there be any lesser?
Pleasure and pain rock throughout my brain
Where is the drain to remove my strain?
------------------------------------------------
Fixing a disease comes with no ease
Especially when you have no idea what normal means.

I care for those
Who never cared for me
All I've become is a rat
No Black Plague
But I've gone from "everybody" to an antibody
Homebody, I am not scared of life
Yet, I cannot look it in the eye
Lips are rife with the word "lowlife"
Look away, I have become a deformation
The incarnation of flagellation, desolation
Isolation is all I crave
Who cares about being brave in the face of a wave?

Bad people don't exist
For that implies a universal opinion
Good is good
Bad is bad
But what is truly "bad" can be seen as good
Is it good to be bad? Bad to be sad?
Good implies a hero, bad suggests a villain
But life isn't called fiction
It's called R-E-A-L-I-T-Y
Exclamatory! This ain't a story
Perpetuating whims that were made long ago
To be a "protagonist" is to be a pro at conflict
And when conflict equals death, wouldn't that be bad?
Or have we forgotten the cosmic vacuum?
Which renders it all futile?
Denial, the absence of sense leads to nonsense
So when freedom reigns, all we can do is speculate