I woke up today a zombie
Walking around with dead eyes
Legs dragging through their course
Feeling like dead weight without useful force

I miss a girl
For her hugs and the fact she pitied me
She was warmth to my dead body
But she didn't actually want me
It's been a year and she doesn't know

I thought I had close acquaintances
But they just laugh at me
The familiar clown pacing unknowingly
The hanged man and the fool

Everywhere I go it's always the same
I get up each day hoping for change
But something's gotta snap me out of it
As my happiness is an illusion painting

I go up, and suddenly it's down
Never right, no one understands my frown
Or anything I ever do at all
But no one says anything as they tower over me so tall

The council has decided
Decided a slow sentence
A delusional death
Penitence for a past life's sins

I noticed.
How you said hello
A smile and a glance
To see if I watched you go
I noticed
When we talked the room went quiet
A room full of people
But only visible was you and I
I noticed
The wondering glance
So much the same as mine
But over things I seemingly cannot define
I don't know
What you think
What you want
If you care
I don't know
When I leave
Will it destroy you
That I'm no longer there?

always certain,always right
the futures i foretold
but when I saw you
i saw things my actions would never show

my knowledge does not reflect the things i say i know
i hold my cards with a cold poker face
mastered the consequences but never the effects
limited to calculations of probability

but what do I do when I've lost the game?
so firm in my belief
the knowledge of the true prophecy
but rocked with the instability of the reality i've lost you
and hopeless in the face of fate
of our red strings that no longer intertwine

I cried today
Because I can't say
How mad I am at you, my unknowing love

In the blue hours you don't think of me
Too busy lamenting how you work too hard
When the streetlights come on, you don't miss me

Because you don't know anything
You don't know how I love those blue hours
Or the streetlights of the night

You don't know how I love you

why do you like my silence
that I do not tell you of my loves
and keep my life quiet

do you ever wonder how I feel
i know it's selfish
but to you am I real?

or just an inconvenience when you come home from work
angry at some **** you don't know
remembering him or her when you go

but forgetting that my exam was tough
and maybe my day too was rough
to you, just an invincible child
better silent then loud and alive

perpetual engulfment
entanglement in a web of your misdeeds
I try to struggle out in degrees
but I doubt my ability to do

I'm terrified of TV shows
As the yelling disturbs my sleep
I have dreams of whiplash
Because you're never what you seem

I tick due to ambition
Because without it, I'll be just like you
I'm scared others will take advantage
And I'll hate myself before my life ends

I draw a narrow box
To limit how much I can pantomime
If one time I mess up,
People will hate me for not keeping my mouth shut

perpetual engulfment
entanglement in limiting beliefs
i must crawl out
as it's safe for me to be free

If sisyphus did not have his rock,
What would he do?
With free time (and no kids or wife)
I'm sure he'd be a fool

I am a collection of rocks
That people put on me
Or I feel simply should be there

And without them I'm terribly scared.

Was sisyphus's rock his friend
Did he talk to it, sun up to down
Daylight to day's end?

As I talk to my mind and imaginary audience
They throw tomatoes as I back-bend
But they also entertain me
With new ****** expressions daily

Although it's awful and burns
I learn from the scenarios the theater plays
Tweeting like a bird
I locked myself in my own cage