Minulat ko ang aking mga mata

Bigla na lang naisip kita

Sana’y sa araw na ito

Kahit saglit lang, maisip mo rin ako

Pilit kong sa daan iwasan ka

Ngunit, maya maya’y nasa harap na kita

Ganito ba magbiro ang tadhana?

Pinaglalaruan ang damdamin, wala nang nangyayaring tama

Nakaraan kong ika’y kasama

Burahin ko man ay hindi mawawala

Tila hangin, ito’y balik ng balik

Iyong ngiti, sa aki’y parang matamis na halik

Kay daming masasayang alaala

Pag mulat ng mata’y ito’y wala na

Lahat ng ito pala’y isa lamang panaginip

Galing sa damdamin, pawang likha

Lamang ng kathang isip

I've been lying to myself all this time

All this time because I know you'll never be mine

This deceitful face in front of you I use

Feeding you with bunch of lies, I couldn't take if you I had to lose

Those three words I would always tell you everyday

Is the only truthful thing despite those lies just so you'd stay

I'm sorry, I promised myself, I wouldn't fall, I couldn't fall

I wouldn't fall for you, I can never break between us this unbreakable wall

Whenever you're gone, there would always be an empty feeling within me

But whenever you're here right beside me, Oh how my heart would warm up when you're the one I see

How easy for you, it would take no effort to make me smile

In return, I'd always be there for you even if I had to run a thousand miles

I just really hope that this deceitful face would never reveal

Would never reveal what my heart's been trying to conceal

I just can't help it no matter how hard I try to hide

I keep on falling for you but I can't because you'd leave my side

Please don't leave me when that time would arrive

When I was heartbroken and dead, you were the only one who kept me alive

Through bliss and sorrow, you were always there

But I'm forbidden to fall for you, life is so unfair

Though I know that this love will never be mutual

I still fall for you anyway, stupid heart of mine as usual

My face is a good liar, it deceives you and hinders my heart from trying

But if you ask me if I really love you and I tell you I don't, then again I'd be lying

I cut you with a thumb
And you always say that I was dumb
You spit your silent poisons with no reasons
Like crying for a rain in a summer day
But only to find that they are in my eyeballs
It stained the red lip that was ripped by a tongue
Clueless of the pain that remain
From yesterday tape that you always play
Round and over again the first day it begun
It was a trigger of a gun
But I was scared of making a ran
Because someday it might not come back
So i throw a rock around the block
And shout how you really ****
But you know I'm still stuck
So help me break the bar blindly
To say how remarkably strong my love for you
That I breathe in painkiller
And treat it as a healer
To creat a dreamer in me
That say peel your skin and then you'll win
But all i do is say a play
And at the end I will always say I'll stay

Plus and minus
Is where we find the love that divides us
Like multiplying the heart
Into million shattered pieces
Heartfelt noise of blistered voice

Up above and down below
Is where we see what is and was meant
Like pulling a heart with hard cement
It can't be bent
Hard, rough, and really tough

Candid faces on all the places
Wide so clear but yet not near
Clowns with no frowns
But deep down they drown
In sea of doubt that has no way out

Like the water to the sea
No matter how big the waves are
We fight until we get it right
And not settle for a bottle of chaotic battle
Drunk and lonely with no one to call only

"Why are you so stressed about school? It's not that hard! It was harder when I was a kid!"

Well then explain to me why student anxiety levels is the same as those of a mental health patient in the 50's? Explain why student can't breath when they hear the word 'test' they start shaking!
Explain the tear marks on 3 am assignments and trembling handwriting of someone who just wrote suicide notes.
Explain the girl sobbing on the bathroom floor because they know they just failed a test.
Explain the dead eyes and broken pencils, explain why the hell a student who once craved knowledge now skips classes!
Explain why the child cries over a **** number!
Explain why we tell these student that unless they pass they will be NOTHING! EXPLAIN WHY WE TELL THESE STUDENTS THEY WILL BE NOTHING!!! Please tell me why a single test has the power over a student to drive them off the edge!
Explain why a letter of A-F can tear families a part.
Explain why this world tells her she will amount to nothing if they don't go through 4 more years of torture,
Explain why they have to keep saying "Things will get better, things will get better." NOW SHOULD BE BETTER!!
Explain why students have been counting down the seconds till they graduate since they were 3.
Explain why student are up till 4 am surviving on nothing but coffee so they can hope to have a future.
Explain why students go to school sick, risking their health so they can stay caught up? Explain why we tell kids without education they will be nothing, but don't try to give it to them.
Explain why we let students be nothing.
Explain why we send our kids running towards the future instead of enjoying their youth.
Explain why we don't let students breath. Explain why when a teacher sees a kid crying because they are running on 2 hours of sleep and monster because they studied for a test they still don't understand the teacher just tells them to buck up. Explain why we see nothing wrong enough with that? Explain why we see nothing wrong with dead eyes and empty tummies.
Explain why we let students feel like they are nothing...

I used to be a rose,
Now I'm mostly just thorns.

You're knuckles were paintbrushes,
My skin your flinching canvas.

Going to sleep is the scariest thing.
Not because of nightmares
Or sleep walking or whatever else,
But because of the uncertainty.
The uncertainty that a new day will start,
That your life won't be significantly altered,
Or that your loved ones will be the same.

Normal people don't dread sleep though,
But there's just something about cancer
That makes sleep an uneasy task.
Having a mother with cancer will change your entire life.
From dreading the thing you cherished most,
To not knowing how to live your life.

You become used to being woken up for
Middle of the night treks to the ER.
And to think about becoming used to that
Well, that's enough to make you sick.
But you have no choice but to trudge through,
You have to seem strong and stable,
But going to sleep is the scariest thing.

I can write about all the ways we miscommunicate
Words and phrases and lack of response
Blank faced with no sense of emotion or displays of affection
Unsure of whatever spectrum we're on
But if we even are on the same one, we're on opposite sides
It's funny how I can bleed out through pen ink but I can't ever seem to annunciate
My words won't translate into how I feel to anyones face and yours is no exception in this case
Barriers I feel terrified to get through
The break downs are rough and like milk you had in the fridge for months
You forgot it was there but when you find it it's spoiled

Why are we so quiet?
I will tattoo that question onto the tip of my tongue in the hope that it will smudge onto yours.
Why  -  are we  -  so quiet    ?

"Shhh,"
he tells me in a 3am bus stop
"Loud ain't sittin' right in my ribs."

He's got this idea in his head that god can't save his soul
that god is just a concept
that god can only be found in the crease of a bible spine but

OH,  MY GOD
I LOVE THAT BOY.

It's like when you lean on a piece of wet newspaper and the text imprints on your skin except,
there are no words -
just memories
and they are inked on the inside of my veins like

remember the other week when you were sleeping in my bed and the sun peeked through my curtains and made your eyes flutter?

That's the front page headline.
That's why I believe in absolute perfection
that's how I know beauty isn't just a concept
because I found god in the crease of your spine that morning.

I want every Sunday to feel that holy.

You are a cathedral pointing your spire to the sky saying
"KIRSTY, WHAT CONSTELLATION IS THAT?"
and my eyes search for
ursamajorursaminororionsiriussagittariuspisces-
I CAN'T FIND ANY OF THEM.
How can I align the stars when I have drawn more beautiful alignments
between the freckles on your skin
?

I kept telling you to be quiet until I pulled up your shirt and read the first page of your ribs:

IN THE BEGINNING,
GOD CREATED NOISE.