Every time a man is kind to me
In a way that you failed to be
I feel the burning from beneath the scars
As they unknowingly run their hands over places that your finger prints branded themselves onto me

Every time a man goes out of his way to show even the slightest affection
I spiral into confusion of not   knowing if I should believe anything you said
Because even though you told me you loved me all the time
You never made an effort to show me you loved me
You never randomly called or wrote me letters or called me beautiful out of nowhere
You would just say I love you like a recording always ready to be played when the timing was right



Every time a man treats me the way you always told me I should be treated
Even though you failed to treat me that way
I cannot appreciate their kindness but am left with the aching question:
Why wasn't I enough for you?

You're still here
I see your Grand Cherokee parked in my driveway
You're still here
I see you walking back up to my front door
You're still here
Helping me set up my new PlayStation downstairs
(The one you helped convince me to buy)
You're still here
Sitting on my bed, with me
You're still here
...why?

You're still here
Taking my hand as we walk into the store
You're still here
Picking me up to go on an adventure
You're still here
Introducing me to your sister
(You look like her)
You're still here
Kissing me with your eyes closed
(I couldn't help but look)
You're still here
...why?

You're still here
Insulting me, yelling at me
You're still here
Hurting my already damaged wrist
You're still here
Throwing cake in my hair, on my birthday
(Laughing oh so hard about it)
You're still here
Your engine is starting on the street
You're still here
Months late, apologizing
You're still here
...why?

You're still here
Hurting me
You're still here
Teaching me that maybe I shouldn't love,
at least not with my whole heart
You're still here
...why?