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I long to be known.
To be seen.
To be heard.

I long to be held,
In a comforting embrace,
And told that everything will be okay

I always thought someone would find me.
That it would be a perfect teenage romance,
Like you see in stupid fantastical films.

So I waited.
And waited.
And waited.

But no one came.

I was a naive fool.

Maybe it's just not meant to be.
Carson Dees Mar 8
Most of you don't understand,
The thoughts in my head are like grains of sand;
There are millions, billions, though small they may be,
I am not sure which one is me.
do you know the weight of it?
clawing your way up
test after test,
year after year,
to be the perfect reflection of the dreams they have for you,
those that are now your own.
where your worth now hangs.

when they see the prize,
they say, 'oh it comes so easily to her'

Easily?

i bled for this.
i screamt for this.
and my mind?
it whispers
'this is just what you're supposed to do'
you are 'gifted'
its your mere responsibility.
nothing to celebrate. nothing special.

isnt it?
when there are two voices in your mind
one scorning your inadequacy,
the other a desperate, fragile echo of perceived success,
constantly vying, and battling to beat the other;
you yourself get lost in the middle.

7th mar, 25
  Mar 7 Carson Dees
Hank Love
I found that I could not learn to write, until I was no longer afraid to dream.
  Mar 7 Carson Dees
Hank Love
The truth a faceless enemy
Lurks in shadows awaiting your plea
A haunting specter hid from your gaze
Paralyzing fear that mirrors your haze

Dust and serpents
Floating around my head
Capture the winding moment
And it strikes my hand

A curious heart,
A souls request
To seek not find
Onwards now and never rest

Once the truth is found
What then my friend
Shall we string the lies
Until the end

Dust and serpents
Floating around my head
Capture the winding moment
And it strikes my hand

Lies like gasoline
A fire dancing in the night
The truth sending to the guillotine
Keep the spirit young and alive

Dust and serpents
Floating around my head
Capture the winding moment
And it strikes my hand
  Mar 7 Carson Dees
Eniyans
I refuse to bow to those words-
The ones that pierce my heart,
Tear at my soul,
Yet still claim to love.
What kind of love is that?
Is it pain,
Torment,
Or torture?
It's 3am

I'm on the phone
No one's awake and I'm alone

It's 3am

The radio's on
Songs are played on lonely station

It's 3am

I'm in my bed
My eyes are open and sleep has fled

It's 3am

I'm on the balcony
The sky is dark and just quite scary

It's 3am

Some windows have lights
Could they also not sleep tonight

It's 3am

I'm still awake
When will life ever give me a break
Insomniac nights are the worst. And it's been going on like this for quite awhile.
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