( self harm tw ⚠️?)
And suddenly I'm back to where it all started.
Feeling the sharp blade go against my skin.
Like as if I'm cutting paper.
Seeing the red lines form.
Feeling the burning sensation, like a hot stove.

A day later.
The pinkish red scar turning to brown.
Feeling the uneven surface on your skin.

Becoming a barcode.

they think i’m the light
because i smile in crowded rooms
and laugh like nothing’s heavy.
but they don’t see how i carry myself home,
quiet and cracked at the seams.

they think i’m too bright
to belong to shadows,
too warm to understand cold.
they don’t know i keep my coat zipped tight
because winter lives inside me too.

they talk about who i sit with,
like i’m some saint with a healing touch.
but maybe i’m tired
of being the lighthouse
when the waves are drowning me too.

Is anybody out there?
Is anybody listening?
The words from my mouth are silent,
But my tears scream your name.

No one takes notice
Of the pain that I display.
How did I get here
To this dark and lonely place?

I wish someone would pierce the veil.
I wish someone could lead me through.
I want someone to take my hand
And for once see what I'm going through.

I wish someone would find me here
And save me from the pain
I want it to be over soon.
I don't want to stay.

Empty souls around me carry on with their day.
They don't seem to notice the mask that's plastered on my face.
Ignorance is bliss to them, and they turn a blind eye.
Little do they know or care if I make it through the night.

The haunting sounds inside my head keep me from my dreams.
Two conflicting voices make a coward out of me.
Finally someone notices and pulls me into sight.
They cry fake tears regretfully and they tell me to fight.
I tell them I'm done with these silly thoughts and that I'm here to stay.
I tell them not to worry, tomorrow is a new day.

They think my fight is over,
That I've made it out all right.
Little do they know,
The same thoughts still haunt me at night.

I gaze at you every night
as you seem to be my light
You shine in the sky
and refelct in my eyes
your the prefect moon
and I hope to be with you soon
Brighter than the stars
reminds me others have scars
Your the wonder of my heart
Your a peice of art
when I die
I hope that I will rise
and be with you
weather your white or blue
I still look above
as you shine your love

Into the mirror we gaze
Staring into the endless maze
That are the windows
To the soul
Outer space
Two black holes

Jump over the fence
Into the place where
Logic makes no sense.

We are nonbelievers
Our skin sparkles in that light
We glow from past mistakes
And trauma fuels our fight

Never speak of pain
Or wear a wound on our face
We're better than that, mature
Mentality-a constant race

Emotions are a betrayal
Hints of suffering in our eyes
Pain dusted across our face
Lives being woven through lies

I am a nonbeliever
And with that, I stand tall
But a part of me decays
Every time I see another angel fall

stheyre goingto find me
thosefeelingsi tried to leavebehing but theyy sswoulndt leave me.

theywalk beside me in thesunlgith sheileding their eyes
and in the darktheysmile stroking my hair

sayingyou;re n o t e n o u g h enunciating eachwordhisssssing
whispers

never ever ever enough youcould ne v  e   r be en o ugh
too much at the same timg like please picka ******* feeling

shes an oldfriend thistype oflonliness
i know her well
.

7.8.25 (17:28)
i'm hoping to move on
hoping to get over you.

just like the two girls before,
i just think maybe you were that flash of brilliance
a moment like light on water
before the rainbow fades
and we are back to just you and me again.

i'm hoping to move on from you,
not the way that means i'm leaving, but the way
that means
well
i don't know

i can promise you
it will be okay
and that's what i never could say before.

I cuddled up with
a metaphor that was
caught in the corner of
my room.
I dressed it in the
silk of kings, and fed
it from the fractured
trees of innocence.
Low-hanging fruit of
despair gets us
every time.