I saw the smoke from the mountains,
Early in the morning sun,
Billowing deep from the trees,
Where the great mountain beast once was.

I saw the smoke from Paul Bunion’s cabin,
Rolling up into the sky,
So when I climb up there tomorrow,
I’ll bring him a great big pie.

you tell me to express emotion,
not to bottle everything inside,
but when i try and listen to you,
you make me want to hide.

While you weren't here
I cried every night.
A million tears fell,
Still my heart wasn't right.

While you weren't here
I did what I could,
Hoping against hope
My decisions were good.

While you weren't here
I gained some in age.
Things just went on
And life turned a page.

While you weren't here
I just tried to go on,
Knowing what didn't **** me
Would only make me strong.

While you weren't here
A whole lot got changed.
My life became different,
My world rearranged.

While you weren't here
I had to learn to be alone,
To stand on my two feet,
To make my own home.

So that's where I am now,
At this stage of my life,
Still scared and alone,
Still coping with strife.

And oh how I wish that
Things could be different,
That I could go back
To a time in the past,

To a time before
You weren't here.

im so done.
so done.
done.
.

Oh baby.
You say words, words you don't understand.
"Why can't you just be happy!" "Just let me be free!"
You say in a silly voice.
If only you knew what reality was like.
That there's rarely rainbows, even on rainy days.
That the sun isn't always shining, and instead is hiding.
That there aren't unicorns flying up and around.
That not everyone is kind.
Oh to be a kid again.

My eyes close.
I'm holding onto
my memories
and hatred.
My slumber
all alone in my head...
so silent.

I can't explain the way
my tears run blood along my veins.
If I let go of my pain,
I'll cease to be, give into the plague...

War is coming,
I can hear it in my heart.
Blood will flow
along the grounds of the innocent.
I can't deceive
the darkness anymore...
I'm letting go, I'm losing control of myself...

you beat me down,
so low and now
I'm crying my soul.
I'm losing control.
You led me to
a place where I
can't feel my face...

Death is just an anesthetic
for what's to come.
A body left behind with no face,
feeling numb.
All alone, I cry here,
fading into nothing.
All alone I lie here
dying...

...losing myself...

( self harm tw ⚠️?)
And suddenly I'm back to where it all started.
Feeling the sharp blade go against my skin.
Like as if I'm cutting paper.
Seeing the red lines form.
Feeling the burning sensation, like a hot stove.

A day later.
The pinkish red scar turning to brown.
Feeling the uneven surface on your skin.

Becoming a barcode.

they think i’m the light
because i smile in crowded rooms
and laugh like nothing’s heavy.
but they don’t see how i carry myself home,
quiet and cracked at the seams.

they think i’m too bright
to belong to shadows,
too warm to understand cold.
they don’t know i keep my coat zipped tight
because winter lives inside me too.

they talk about who i sit with,
like i’m some saint with a healing touch.
but maybe i’m tired
of being the lighthouse
when the waves are drowning me too.

Is anybody out there?
Is anybody listening?
The words from my mouth are silent,
But my tears scream your name.

No one takes notice
Of the pain that I display.
How did I get here
To this dark and lonely place?

I wish someone would pierce the veil.
I wish someone could lead me through.
I want someone to take my hand
And for once see what I'm going through.

I wish someone would find me here
And save me from the pain
I want it to be over soon.
I don't want to stay.

Empty souls around me carry on with their day.
They don't seem to notice the mask that's plastered on my face.
Ignorance is bliss to them, and they turn a blind eye.
Little do they know or care if I make it through the night.

The haunting sounds inside my head keep me from my dreams.
Two conflicting voices make a coward out of me.
Finally someone notices and pulls me into sight.
They cry fake tears regretfully and they tell me to fight.
I tell them I'm done with these silly thoughts and that I'm here to stay.
I tell them not to worry, tomorrow is a new day.

They think my fight is over,
That I've made it out all right.
Little do they know,
The same thoughts still haunt me at night.