CallMeVenus

CallMeVenus Oct 2017

Last night you told me you don't love me anymore
You said you are now into bad girls in leather jackets
Wearing cigarette smoke like perfume
And I stuttered. But stopped.
I wanted to cry but I didn't.
Considered being what you want but
Instead, I showed you a wicked smile while
Thinking of running away to the big city

This morning your words taste like freedom.
And I stay just where I'm at.
Instead, you move to the moon
And I am stargazing on picnic blankets

#you #dont #love #me #anymore #freedom #warrior

CallMeVenus Oct 2017

Driveway lights

Lately, I don't know how to make things sound like poetry
And I know I promised I'd stop writing about you
But I can't.

And it's stupid how I wait for 4 am driveway lights
So I can turn over and sleep because I know you are home

But insomnia is now my bestest friend
And I ******* miss you.
I use my voice for the first time in months
Ready to learn how to love you
But your driveway lights are now her's happiness.
I hope her's 'I love you's don't start to sound much more like my 'I'm sorry's.
Funny how
we both settled for half the love.

#love #missing #lights #driveway #4am #poetry

CallMeVenus Oct 2017

Can a cat's milk get spoiled?

Mama, can a cat’s milk get spoiled?
I think it can.
Your milk was spoiled.
It made all of my thoughts go bad.
I no longer had balance.
I no longer had confidence.
Love tasted disgusting.
So I purged. I always smell so rotten.
So tell me, momma, how can someone raised on spoiled milk ever be beautiful?
And every bite I take tastes like S.P.O.I.L.E.D. M.I.L.K.
So sick. So comforting.

#domestic #violence #abuse #issues #bulimia

CallMeVenus Oct 2017

Rice milk and diamonds

Mom, can you breathe me back to life?
Can you love me and feed me with rice milk again?
I miss you.
I can tell you all about how rain feels on my skin.
How when the sun shines on me makes my cold sweat looks like little diamonds.
I think I finally get it. Cigarettes are not a proper dinner. Nor is coffee a proper breakfast.
Diamonds on my skin are not precious.
Just wrap me up and tuck me in your pocket.
I promise I will not get your clothes wet.
Just. Don’t. Let. Me. Slip.

#sadness #mom #mommy #issues #fear

CallMeVenus Oct 2017

To deserve a chocolate

Eat. Purge.
Eat. Purge.
Purge. Purge.

I purged a baby from my abdomen.
Just don’t eat.
Do not eat.
Swallow all those struggles.
Let them eat YOU instead.

God knows you want that **** chocolate.
But you smother the craving and wrap it in your words.
Spit those words. Gunshots.
Bad girls do not deserve chocolate.

#bulimia #guilt #anorexia

CallMeVenus Oct 2017

My time will come

My time will come, right?
With great hope I write this, tho I don’t know if my heart will stop beating because lately it's been so faint or will it explode by how fast it is pounding now.
I do wrong
I can’t seem to stop.
But I know my time will come and I will be okay.
I used to believe that I would never be okay again
Became all the things I promised I wouldn’t.
Wrapped my bones in cold skin, damp eyes bitter with life.
Nothing really changed but everything did.
My time will come
And maybe some of these days I’ll go home.
I will be okay.
My time has to come.

#recovery #recover #sadness #hope

May 2017

LittleFreeBird

A Poet Is

A piece of you
Reflecting back
The bitter words in your mouth
Too raw to speak
A poet is
Someone in pain
And someone in love
Someone who looks at the world
Through a kaleidoscope
Who takes a magnifying glass to each
And every
Word you say
And lets them imprint on their heart
A poet is
A star gazer
A dreamer
A chaser of
The improbable
But hopes anyway
A poet is
Tissue paper skin
A heart of glass
And a soul of titanium

A poet is
A sharp tongue
And a gentle kiss
She is a sob
He is a sigh
A poet is
The sun at midnight
Bright and
Burning
Hot
Alive
But cloaked in a darkness
They cannot shake
The brightest day
And the darkest night
A poet is
The human experience
A paradox
An oxymoron
So complicatedly
Simple

A poet is
A lover
Who refuses
To stop wearing their heart on their sleeve
No matter how much it bleeds
But rolls them up
So you can’t see
The blood stains

A poet
Is Poetry