Save my soul
Condemn my hope,
Light the candle.
In grief's stead,

Will fate guard thine grave,
or let time deface it's name?
As I burn within the eternal flame,
Let the roses grow wildly over the stone,
and spread the ashes among the waves.

This will not contain me,
Nor will it revive, or save me.
Between or Beyond,
You'll find only my soulless ghost.

Clouds and mist,
Enchanting rain,
Bitterly cold - freeze me to sobriety,
Stain the shame into my flesh,
I need to stay awake.
Euphorically warm - lull me to sleep,
Wash the future into your streams,
And hold me so I will never wake.

There's something to being lost in the aching pain,
That won't leave your head; mouth; jaw...
And the stinging that tears at the legs,
Shame written in beautifully smeared strokes.

And finally I've come back to my senses,
Out of that overwhelming sorrowful hatred, terror and pain.
Am I myself again?
My mind is too bleary, eyes too weighted and heavy to tell.
I think its a new day-
But when everything starts to look the same,
I'm not sure if the fitful sleep that befell me ever really happened at all.

I want to leave myself alone.
Its too much always being stuck with this brain-
Nagging that doesn't stop,
Shame that wiggles and grows,
Guilt that bites down deep and can't get out.
"Not enough time"
Never enough for anything,
And yet so much wasted that could be used for everything.

We find a little viciousness in every breathing thing,
WrIthIng in exasperated pain,
Somehow living without a brain
And eating without a face.

Where does this carnivorous flower bloom?
In fleshy, wheezing caverns,
Whispering of humanity and all its boons.

Oh, hideous beast,
Stinking of singed hair and ****** moons,
Lay under the blade of my knife,
And let me vanquish the despised you -

Once the warring bodies fall silent,
Quivering in anticipatory delight,
Will the thrashing corpses relax under the vultures' blackened eyes.

There are countless lies dripping off the tip of my tongue,
Melting through the ground beneath,
Creating a peephole to the center of the earth.

Staring back into my agonized face-
A judgemental, fiery eye scorching every piece of flesh it can see.
Something ignored today can also be ignored tomorrow,
Until it erupts from below, leaving me to molten fate.

Ignoring? What can I say? You seem to know better than I what my answer would be, and yet you ask anyway.
I can't bring myself to deny it to your face,
So what else can I say?
If I pretend it never existed,
My days remain peaceful,
Until they simply can't,
And so I dread the rising sun and the twittering birds,
Praying that dusk will help me fade.

Why am I always the problem
If I'm such trouble then ******* get rid of me?
Are you stuck with me-
Just obligation like duty?
Then quit acting like any of this is for me
******* do you really love me?
Why are we always here and I'm the one to blame?
Or am I really just the problem and I can't handle the name.
Why reach out just to crush my hand
Why direct just to turn me right around-
Is it me?
Am I the problem,
Because that's all you seem to call me besides that name you know I hate,
Because to you, I can never be
And even when I fall apart you don't relent,
"I'm listening!"
To what?
It can't be me cause you just keep saying
The same ****, over and over again.

In truth we have left ourselves behind,
Watching decay embolden an ignorant mind,
Are we so different from the version we meant to cast away?
From empty to open, endless space,
All of our nothing seemed to you,
To be something,
And yet none of it remains by your side.
Keep craving the things you'll never bring yourself to achieve,
That hateful longing provides the only nutrition I need,
Linger in shades that hide the daylight,
Always seek out that miserable night,
When you finally accepted the woes of life -
And you remembered to ask yourself,
Is it just me, or has it always been you, disguised as we?