Hello, beautiful, brave one.

I know, your spirit is weak and weary.
Your soul feels shattered and broken.
And your heart feels damaged beyond repair.

You try to hide it, but the cracks in your smile show truly how broken you feel deep inside.
Your once bright eyes are now tired and worn from the harsh battles you have faced.

Just know, you are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to lay down your burdens for a moment and just exist.

Curl up, hide away and rest.

Your soul needs it, I can tell.

You know, I have spent way too much time trying to be enough for EVERYONE else around me.
Thinking that my worth was based on their opinions,
how they see me as a person.

But the truth is, that is all *******...


I just need to be good enough for my own self,
and at this point, I am.

I am worthy
I am enough

I know

You TRIED to break me…

You were slick… Using the very vulnerabilities I had shared with you to claw your way in and make me feel safe, and once that happened, you took your ******* mask off and the real you came out, like I knew was there in the past. I should have ran far and fast right when that happened, but you had your claws dug in so deep, I could not flee.

You knew you were never good enough, so to keep me, you had to break me down and reduce me to nothing, stripping me of all my power.
You had full control and called all of the shots.

Your hope was that when you drained me of my use and decided to leave, taking everything with you, the destruction you caused would permanently shatter me…

Well let me tell you, I have done so much work to heal and build myself back up…
To make you just a little blip in the timeline of my life, instead of a massive disaster.

Looking back, I do not remember any of the good times, because they were few and far between, and most of them were followed by a one way fight, you screaming and me just taking it…

So maybe it was just to spite you, or to **** you off, but after you left, I kept living…

I can’t for one second say that I wish you well… Because that would be the ultimate lie.
I wish you the life you have, and all the karma that comes with it.

These next words are like honey and Lavender coming from my mouth,
I survived you.

Hello, little ones,

This is written for all of the past versions of myself who were never allowed to heal.
Who were always just so scared, sometimes simply of life itself.

I know all of the horrors each of you had to fight through and survive,
And I am so sorry you ever had to fight that hard, sometimes to just exist.
I am sorry I was not there to shield and protect you then.

Just know this,

You are safe now.
Slow down, take a deep breath, and open your eyes.

You made it, you survived.
You made it to the good times.

You made it to the point where life is sometimes so overwhelmingly amazing, and all you can do is smile and laugh, no words needed.

You made it to a time where harm may never reach you again.

I am here now, I’ve got this.

Here it is and you heard it here first.

Moving forward in my life, no more ******* ego checks

I deserve to and am allowed to truly love who I am,
And that is something I am working *******.

Part of that is actually celebrating my victories, triumphs and my journey so far.
Which I will always do,

The times I sat in the darkness and others walked away,
I was forced to

I never gave up on myself.
I put in the work and overcame the dark.

So here is to celebrating every new victory as they happen.

No longer will I remain quiet, living in the shadows, my story unheard.

You don't like me?
You have an issue with me?

Well guess what???
**** it up, your opinions don’t matter.


You don’t know me.
Where I’ve been.
What I’ve faced…

You have never read the pages in the chapters of my life…
So until you do,

Don’t you DARE judge me.

You don’t know me, so your opinion ain’t worth ****.

Everyone says that if they could go back in time and change something, they would…

I wouldn’t change a thing. The versions of me that have existed created who I am today from the battles they faced and won.

What I would do, I would sit down with each version of myself, during their dark times and tell them that it will all be okay. That they are allowed to simply exist and take up space. They are enough, no matter what. That one day, safety will come, and they will make it out.
I would tell them to always fight on and to never give up on themselves. To always protect the light of their soul, knowing that years down the road, that bright would be needed more than ever.

I would tell them to go easy on themselves.

I would tell them that I was so proud of them, for fighting on even when they wanted to give up.

I would hug them, and tell them they are doing okay, and that I am happy that they exist.

I grew into someone they needed by their side in the darkness they faced.
I grew into someone they would feel safe with.

You see, in a backwards, twisted way, you helped me… Because of you and others who had no business leeching my energy.

I now know and fully understand my true worth.
My worth is not dependent on always being strong.
Or  being what others need…

On always wearing a mask that shows that I am okay, even when I truly need to break.

I know my worth, and what I have to offer this world.
And you know what?


Yeah…
I exist.
I occupy and take up space.

And that is totally okay…

I am allowed to simply, be…

And through all of that, I am worthy of love just as my true self.
Not as an image of what is “required” from me.

But as just me.

You see, my safety is no longer conditional

Coming home no longer feels as if I am walking on broken glass or standing on eggshells,
It feels as it should, peaceful, stable, secure.

I no longer need to tread carefully, waiting for the bomb that is your unjust rage to go off.
I no longer need to feel small, as if my self worth comes with conditions.

You may have left deep scars across my core, but just know this…
Those scars are being healed by the day, with each new experience of true safety.

I am healing my wounds so I can erase every sign and symptom of you from my life,
Soon, I shall be free from the plague that was the space and time you occupied in my life.

If you see this, know that I am safe, and living a life that I truly love.
A life free from the toxic waste that is you.

I know now that you were a part of my story.

But one day, when I am old and grey,  reading from the pages of the story of my life,

You are the part of the story I will skip over.
Your chapter in my story just should not have been.

You Re-entering my life was a curse

Your exit from my life was a gift

The silence and peace my life has held since your exit has been nothing but welcome.

I found peace in your absence,
Sought solace within the silence.
And discovered my softness, despite your storms.

You didn’t like that.

You tried to ruin me.
You had no right to try and sabotage my peace after your exit from my life,

Which at the end of the day was your choice.

So against your best efforts,
Your chaos did not win against my peace.

I will continue to hold on to my peace.