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Jonas Mar 2024
Our time together is limited
Cut short by my design
Let's make the most of it
Trying to buy time

Running out
I always end up alone
Going down
Before the finish line
Jonas Sep 2022
Like magnets spinning in the air
we lose each other just to find us again
you pull me in

Like grans puzzle pieces on white table cloth
we find out how we stick together
we add to each other, to make a hohle
Jonas Apr 2022
She struggles hard
struggles, each and everyday.

Still she does it so beautifully
so let's try and keep her safe.
Jonas May 2023
"Be the good you want to see in other people"
oder so

- was Ghandi sagt
Jonas Jan 2023
I feel like I need to scream
to let it all go
on top off a cliff
designated for such affairs
until my voice breaks, shatters

But I lost it long ago.
Jonas Apr 2022
A warm tea in hand
the world looks brighter,

make me  a chai
my soul is freezing over.
Jonas Jul 2021
You're allowed to fall
through all safety nets
for a while
but breaking
is not an option
dear friend
Jonas Feb 2024
Hi, you up?

I'm a curious person
I gotta ask, I gotta know

What's it like
To hug you from behind?
What are you like
When there is no one else around
beside me and you?

I hold you now closely
In my mind
To my chest
Upclose
My face in your hair

What’ it like?
To hold hands , your skin on my skin
What’s the taste of your lips
When we kiss?
The taste of your neck
As I am doubling down?

Experiments of chemistry
Are conducted in the dark.
Your pretty face blushing
Your perfum in my nose
Your neck plus my palm
The rising tension in between
Laws of attraction
What does it all add up to?

To hear you breathe,
Your whispered words
To hear your mind shut off,
Your voice slip out
As it grows louder and louder
And finally give in

Give up
Surrender your controll
To me
Give me permission,
Please
I beg you
Let me take over
Let me take care of you

Green light, red light
Lights out
Now switch

Oh to just trace your curves
To do it
Over and over
Up and down
Again and again
Togehter and apart
You have me mesmerized

What’s it like for to time lose it’s meaning?
To get lost intertwined
Inseparably?
Our feet to be indistinguishable
From each other
From the end of the bed?
How soft are your thighs?
Careful I bite
Will you leave your marks on me?

Please,
You have me on my knees
Before you
You have me
All of me
I worship you women

I’m actually nervous
I hope I don’t bore you
I hope I’m enough
For I’m already lost

The shape of your breast already imbedded
The memory of us forever burned in my mind
As a precious little thing we did back then
Do you remember?
Will you remember me?

It takes the breeze to cool us off
Drenched in sweat
Sunk in each other
The magical hour
When walls fall down and secrets come out
When bonds are formed
In the cover of the night

Time to rest
To fall asleep,
Wake up next to each othe in the morning to come
Togehter?

Tell me
What’s it like?
To share a cigarette,
Coffe in the morning.
How do you take it?
Black, no milk no sugar?

Let’s go for a walk.
Let’s eat, I’ll cook
Let’s do it today, tomorrow and the day after
Till days turn to weeks
and weeks to How-was-your-day‘s
Tell me.

What's it like
In the night?
Laying next to you?
What’s it like to wake up
next to you?
For now and ever?

What are you like
Upclose?

Cutie
What I'm saying is
I'd like to take you out
Jonas Jun 2022
The future is a panic attack,
selfinflicted.
It's to much
I can't stop
neither stay in the same spot.
Jonas Mar 2021
I am
twentyone years old
and already tired
so tired
from the journeys wanderd
in my mind
now
lay me down to rest
give me free
Jonas Dec 2023
How dare me
I cann see
The judgment in your eyes

And you ask me why I look away
You ask me why I hide
It's quite easy baby

When faced with a world like that
I have no power left  
No will, no reason left to fight

Excuse me,
Fot trying to achieve happiness
Before my death

If that makes me
a coward
so be it
Jonas Feb 5
I wanted a little colour in all the grey
And red
Like in blood and fire
Not in autumn leafs and wine

I thought that could have been you
Now we're back to monochrome
Jonas May 2022
My past, the younger me
is watching, staring

While I reminisce,
look back and judge

I see me staring back.
A mirror on the wall.
Jonas May 2021
Gods great plan.
He's testing us.
Stones laid in our way.
What doesn't **** you
makes you live
a little longer.

This is not a test.
It's a personal vendetta.
Said stones aren't laying around
they're aiming for my head.
And I can't keep avoiding them,
dodging 'em forever.
Jonas Jan 2024
I try to spread
As much light as I get
Leave the world a brighter place
And still protect myself in the process

Yet
I myself always lean to the dark
For the comfort of it's safety
Afraid to be blinded
Afraid to be emberassed
Being out in the open

I'm scared
Please don't hurt me
Jonas Jan 2022
When I look in the mirror
I see
pathetic
It's me
I'm pathetic
Jonas Jan 2023
Everything and everbody *****.
Except sometimes when it doesn't

Everybody keeps bothering you,
they just can't seem to leave you alone.
Why can't you just leave me the **** alone?

Sometimes that's a good thing.

Nothing matters
you're indifferent to almost everything.
It's hard to get past that shell.
It's your armor against the world.
You depend on it.

Your parents will always have some power over you.
Whether you like it or not.

I'm angry.
It's buried deep down by now.
In my heart, in my bones.
Ironically I'm so weak it's quite pathetic.
I want to punish myself.

Last but not least

Some things do feel real.
Music is a goddess, it's freedom.
Stories are an escape.

These tools can loose their effect when overused.

Some moments  do get through the fog.
Nature and innocence for instance.
Some relationships mean something.
Some people are just to good to be corrupted.

Depression isn't a sickness
It feels like a part of you,
A character trait.

The bottom line?
"please don't hurt me"
This isn't all
Jonas Jun 2022
I can't get myself to trust your embrace
I can't let go
of the prison walls I build
to keep myself safe
safe from you
Jonas May 2024
I see, you
Clearly
You're out of this world
It's all so obvious to me
Please
Take me with you
I want out
My therapist says I need to kiss you
I think
I wasn't really listening

What's my lifes worth?
What's a life
Worth
Without a little joy
A little company?

Show me
Your teeth
Sweetheart
Haunt me with those pretty eyes
Of yours
Wolfen stare
You run with the pack
Run wild
Make me miss you

Be the paint to my canvas
You draw me, in
With a stroke of luck
We'll have a deep connection
I need a good ****

You bite
You're on my mind
Constantly
I guess it's bad luck
You're name scratches on the inside of my throat
Stuck on my tounge
Claws and fangs
Make for hard facts to swallow

Sweet pains always turn to poerty
In time
So tell me now
Is this real?
Are you, real?
Are you for real?
With me
About me
About us, this, whatever this is?

Your laugh
Is the only hope
In my stroy
Jonas Apr 2022
I'm so tired
Lord lay me to rest.
Jonas Aug 2023
Push me against the wall and pull me close
Turn me around and turn me on
Touch me, grab me, chain me up
Spank me, choke me, pin me down

C'mon let's play

Degrade me, praise me, refuse me my release
Keep adding to the heat
make me shiver, rise and fall,
so we can burn together

Add it to the hunger

Take control of me, make a mess of me
Make me beg and lose my mind
lose all my pride and senses, sense of time
Listen to me moan and whimper
Make me give in to your voice, to your touch

Eat up,

but respect me, care for me still
and hold me tight,
after you made me fall
Let's be intimate together
Please just love me the same

Never to go lonely again.
Jonas Aug 2023
Who is
he?
Who is
she?

A story of
him
A story of
her

stuck
in limbo.
Jonas Aug 2024
Wrong day, wrong start
Wrong clothes, wrong hair, wrong voice
I'm scared
Wrong moves, wrong words, wrong thoughts
To loud, to bright, to much
Can't stay
I need to get away
Don't talk to me

Kind thoughts, self talk
Forced
Avoid all mirrors, avoid all triggers
So any input at all
Hide in your room
Closed curtains, cold showers
Something bland to eat
A comfort show on in the background, on repeat

Wait till the day is over
Go to sleep
It's okay

But what if tomorrow looks the same?
Jonas Jul 2021
All I have is you,
my work,
and the privilege of being young,
of having time to waste away.
All I have is you.
Jonas Jun 2024
The fire in leaf and grass
Blazing green, it seems
Each summer might just be the last

The wind blows cold
makes leafes shiver
Each day goes by, a little quicker
Came to pass

A red salamander lies still
Frozen in the sun
Do you too dream?
Of a better life, a warmer place to rest and recharge?

Right now, at my mercy
I open my palm, let him go
Leave him free to find his fate

I can smell the fall in the breeze
May the next minute be my last
Jonas May 2024
In der Hose, im Pulli
In meinen Taschen
Eine handvoll Pennies
Im Mund und im Kopf
Lächeln mit Zahnlücke und ADHD
Das hab ich selbst diagnostiziert
Schubladen sind nur zum Verschließen gut

Und im Herz, ja im Herz
Da herrscht Leere
Du fehlst halt

Aber immerhin weg
Nicht mehr hier
Mit dir

In Wien
Budapest, Berlgrad, Istanbul
...
Und wieder zurück
Immer wieder
In Berlin
Jonas Apr 2023
I just want to be able to cry again
why can't I cry anymore?
When did that happen?

I just want some relieve
Please
just for a little bit
Jonas Dec 2022
Hand me an axe

Point me to the nearest forest
to cut down

Hand me a shovel
tell me which way the river should flow

Maybe than I could be fulfilled
in anohter pointless enterprise

Tell me what to do
I don't want to be responsible for myself anymore
Jonas Dec 2023
I have no purpose here

I'm not in control
Mesmerized
I watch

Hold captive
By shapes
Made out of a blank space
Brought to light

By pages slowly filling
with ink
bled by a pen
seemingly
led by my hand

Black ink
absorbing the light
Jonas Oct 2023
I don't know how to live life
right,
right?

Can't **** myself either

In theroy
I had a perfect enviroment growing up
for happiness

Safe, supported, nourished,
cared for
Yet I've almost always felt
mistreated,
unhappy, miserable
hurt and alone

as long as I can remember

I think there has been a mistake
a defect in manufacturing, perhaps
so please pull me back
this faulty good
will only damage your reputation
Jonas Jun 2023
Work out,
not to boost your ego but to be able to care for others,

Broader shoulders not to intimidate but to carry your mothers groceries when she gets older. So she has something to lean on just as you did growing up.

A back massive enough to steady your fahter when he can't do it by himself anymore. An open invitation for him to place his hand.
"I'm proud of you son"

Bigger arms to hold your friends tight shall they ever need it. So they may never lose their smile and you may never lose yours.
And hopefully you may never lose each other.

A bigger chest not to boast with but for your lover to rest and hide from the world for just "five more minutes" longer, while the first rays of sunlight  touch her face in the morning.

Strong hands that can gently support a childs head against the stomrs of this world but won't ever let go when they're needed to. To keep holding on of what's important.

Steady eyes, focused on the road ahead. So nobody gets lost on the way.

Capable legs to carry them home after a long night, and lay them to rest. To kick back whe life kicks you and tries to play *****.

And finally a strong mind to provide it all and more
and find purpose and happiness in doing so.
*his / their face

An *** so juicy her/his/ their bed will stay broken forever
Me?
Jonas Apr 2022
Me?
I like to create
I like books and music
and I get lonely sometimes.

That's all I can say for certain.
Jonas May 2024
Stille
Einmal kurz durchatmen
Die einzige Leerstelle im Gehirn
Die ich mag
Schön, dass du da bist
Schön dich zu sehen
Hier bei mir

Viele Kleinigkeiten machen ein Leben aus
Wir sammeln sie
Geben weiter und nehmen mit
Tragen uns gegenseitig durch die Welt
Bis zum letzten "Aus"

Und doch zerbrechen wir uns den Kopf bei den großen Dingen
Zumindest wenn sie groß klingen
Lasst uns trauern
Zwischen gemeinsam und alleine
Lasst uns feiern, lasst uns essen
Am Ende muss man lernen
Immer weiter zu machen
Weiter zu leben

Schon wieder etwas verloren
Jemanden
Auf dem Weg gelassen
Schon fasst vergessen
Schon wieder etwas mehr allein
Aber nur scheinbar

Vieles geht im Alltag unter
Großer wie Kleines
Manche Dinge kommen wieder
Manche schleichend und leise
Manche plötzlich, schreiend, laut

Lasst uns einen Moment verweilen
Hier und jetzt
Zusammen schweigen
Tritt ein *******zurück
Und lausch
Betrachte das Ganze
Schau was du sehen kannst von hier

Genieß den Ausblick
Solange du magst
Und dann komm langsam zurück
Zurück zu mir
Jonas Mar 2024
***** hands
Working hands
Strong, loving hands
Joining together
Be gentle blue collar boy

What do those hands do?
Grabbing, holding, squeezing
Hold me tight
At the waist and around my neck
Shots to the face
Stains on the sheets
We leave our marks
On the back

Come closer lover boy
Get me *****
Mess with me
I'll clean you up
Give you a nice buzz, buzz cut

Something to remember me by

As we grow older
As we fall apart
Jonas May 2021
We tend to forget our past struggles
The details
of pains gone by
and obstacles overcome.
Until life reminds us again
to be thankful.
.
.
.
I am thankful today.
I can walk,, run and bike freely for hours and that's normal. It wasn't always like that. It could have ended differently. It still might. But for now. Thank you so much.
Jonas Oct 2023
I wish my mind
were a land to walk upon
each part another landscape,
each emotion another season
my mood controls the light

Consciousness and subconsciousness
present and past
open and buried

Like trasures in a fantasy dungeon
to dig up and discover
let's make it an adventure

I wish to walk these lands
with you
togehter we might understand
me

Finally
Jonas Oct 2023
I wonder
when in my childhood
did little me go, from being
loved, cared and protected
a walking sunshine
whaetever the seaon
from being unbotherd and innocent
...

To making pretend,
protecting myself
and not trusitng anymore
building up walls
high and higher

Hiding away in his little fantasiy worlds
strong, and invulnurable
always on top
the hero
to save the day
no one can reach me here,
no one can hurt me here

Avoiding real life whenever,
avoiding the outside
shying away
fleeing when possible
An outcast trying to find something to hold onto
with a weakening grip

You have to do this on your own
you think
the world is bad outside
it doesn't welcome you
like the others

Better to keep away
Don't move, keep quiet
no sound,
stay hidden
in the background
this way
they might overlook and forget,
they might not notice you

Who hurt you this much?
I've long forgotten,
the origin of my instincts
I've survived and have to unlearn now.
unravel

Be safe little one,
be patiend,
try to be kind to yourself,
at least a little kinder
mom
Jonas Apr 2022
mom
I'd let you be part of my life more.

If you would stop being so desperate for it,
clinging to me like a parasite,
a scavanger picking at every bone I rid,
always meddling in our lifes alike.

So instead of letting you in I build my walls up higher,
grow colder every time.

Growing up I learned to protect myself from you,
from the damage your love could do.
Jonas Mar 2021
They know

something is teribly wrong
with me
something is off
I'm not right
not normal
They can see
sense it
can't pin it down
find excuses
but They know
Jonas Dec 2023
Today
The world didn't want me
Up about
And walking in it

Now
All I can do
Is
Try to go back to sleep

And hope
For a better future
A kinder tomorrow
M T
Jonas May 2024
M T
I am
I am left
Wanting nothing
But not in a good way

There is just nothing left
Here
To want

As the story still continues
After
- the end -
Jonas May 3
A broken mirror is standing on the sidewalk
As I walk by
Innocent still as much as an object can be
On Berlin's streets
What things have you seen
In your lifetime?
Mirror, mirror about to fall?

Should I come back later maybe?
To paint thee, nails?
Make some art, add my note to the mix, to spark a little life?
I'm sure it'd be fine
To add a little color to a broken reflection

A day later, I see
It's been shattered to the ground
Maybe hours maybe minutes later
At day or night, no difference

Some other was quicker, maybe more confident
Maybe more urgent
In their expression
Of violence and destruction
Instead of addition and creation
I'm curious
What might have been the trigger?

Was it because it was a motionless thing?
That kept quiet and just stood there
Fragile to the touch and openly vulnerable?
Was it the reflection?
Or was it the cracks within?

I hope they feel better now
Jonas Aug 2024
I'll give it to you
If you earn it

Collecting tear drops in a swimming pool
The drip, drop on demand
Round and round it goes
But never away

No runing allowed around here
No jumping from the sides
Salty water wept in time
Turns to dust
Maybe as in star but more likely as in dirt

Sweat it out, squeeze hard
Nourish me
The pool remains empty
You take the plunge still
For me, you give
Head first to the concrete
Thick red to fill what's empty
You went heavy on the lipstick

Sweet screams I wanna hear
Loud and clear
Prove yourself
I am a god, to you
I require a sacrifice

Embrace me
But cut off your ugly parts first
Take off your head, your arms, your legs
Give your liver too and your heart
I am hungry for more
Lay em all out for me to discard
Premium cut, main course

It's time now
Take the jump

I'm watching
Jonas May 2024
Canned laughter
And bottled up anger
Let's call it a lunch
Quality tupperware
A gift from my parents
It's hard for me to open up

Try to crack me open
Use brute force
Till someone gets hurt
But we have to eat
It always comes down to needs

The sun always shines the brightest
In it's last moments
Before the night
A flash of rare green
Mirrored in your eyes
I'm staring again

Will the sun rise tomorrow?
On us?
Will we still be together?
Tomorrow, next week
Next year
Will it be the same?
Who can say?

Who can say?
Jonas Feb 2021
Drowning in myself,
getting lost in my reality

  [ there's no such thing ]   
                         
But how can that be?
   For you are sitting here, right next to me
    breathing, loving  ... verbally

[ why me? ]

Right...
you are a person                                             [ not my solution ]
and I am still
just uterlly alone                                                  [ just so lonely ]

 ...   how much longer?
You are in a room with a friend or lover: "reality" nmbr.1
You are in your head at the same time: "reality" nmbr.2
Both overlap, what's what, what's true?
Jonas May 28
Opportunisten an die Wand
Ansonsten reicht euch die Hand
In Versöhnung
Das Leben, es ist komplex und hart

Genug

Eins ist klar
Es muss weiter gehen
Wir müssen
Weiter gehen

Und miteinander reden
Sonst wird das nichts
Mit dem Frieden
Jonas Aug 2022
I'm free falling for you
What a scary thought

Imagine
hitting the ground without you,
Imagine
hurting you
Jonas Aug 2023
Flashing lights and neon sings
You're wearing horns líke a halo above your head
and spread out in ink,
are wings across your back.

Your hips are moving, lips are blooming in crimson red.
Leaving your scent behind like a tail
a silver thread, a lost shoe
an open invitation for someone who might want to follow,
might want to fall for you.

Smoke in the air blending in with the collected noise,
muffled laughter,
shouting of countless people in a single voice.

The night air is filling your lungs,
rain drops down your hair, down your cheeks
hiding your tears til the morning comes.

Your shirt is getting wet ,you can feel it on your skin
Life's soaking through,
tonight you'll be dancing amongst your kin.

Music is playing aloud, the bass is resonating in your bones
You're vibing,
it's waking up your body, your soul, drowning out your thoughts,
Don't think, just move and feel
let your instincts take over,
finally you can bring your worries to heel.

Roaming through a maze of dim rooms,
clutching your drink you stumble, you wander.
Till you find someone to hold on to for the night
skin on skin,
There will be plenty of time left later,
to reflect and ponder.

Here looks and lips get locked
in an active, meaningless exchange
Their fingernails caressing the back of your neck
you close your eyes, surrender, let go of control,
Can you feel it?
The spectrum layed out in front of you?
Your full emotional range

Hello,
nice to meet you, nice to have met
good night, good morning,
It's time to lay down now, let's head to bed.

Now that the night is gone by,
it was over before I knew,
time is up,
tomorrow I might still smell of you.
Jonas Mar 2024
Yesterday and tomorrow
Blurry
Always look the same
Months become years
In a flash

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday
Another January the first
Pay day, Mayday
There's rent to pay
I always wanted to be able to afford groceries

One day
I'll make it out
I'll break the cicle
Step out

One day
But no today
Today I break down
And go to bed early

Gotta get a headstart on that upcoming exhaustion
Jonas Feb 2021
You don't know me.
I read books, listen to music, watch movies, meet friends.
I cook, I bake, I drink,  sometimes to much.
I learn new things, sometimes not enough.
I work, eat, sleep , repeat.
I draw, I wirte, I exercise.
I try to date to the date.
I have good days and I have bad days.
I struggle everyday, more than you can see.
I do all these things, trying out new ways to be me,
  that you know nothing about.

Now you don't get to look down on,
Don't you dare try lecturing me.

For you left when I was a child
and didn't care to visit.
Now you're back in my life
but it's not for my good, is it?

I owe you nothing.
Keep your distance.
gotta love your family
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