I could never be calmed
by one who's in control

I could never be taught
by one who has it all

I could never be filled
by one whose heart is whole

But I could only be healed
by another broken soul

©

...i love you
In the most innocent of forms,
In the way that I hold your hand while sitting in the passenger seat
In the way that Ill run my fingers through your hair when you've had a rough day
In the way my entire body exhales when you wrap your arms around me
And in the way i search for you in every poem I read, every movie I watch, every song that comes on the radio, every photograph
I long to find better words to describe it,
But until then
I just, whole heartedly,
Undeniably, chaotically,
love you.

Looking back at photos of me looking happy
A nice slim figure
No extra weight to carry
No face to be ashamed of

I have a house with no mirrors
Because I get disgusted by myself
When I happen to see a glare in a window
I only feel tears

"I'll call you sometime," he says as leaves.
That will never happen, ive so many times learned
He looked repulsed when he saw me
And my stomach just turned

Even my family feels hopeless
That one day I'll look lean
Around the table aouside we relaxed.
Later They hint I'm too fat
On my fat giant ***, the chair too small where I sat

Diets and cleanses
Jogging and biking is pointless
As fat just seems to add
I just get more sad


Nobody knows in the dressing room I cry
After rejection I sob
After a meal I feel guilty
When I breathe and I live
It seems so silly

But maybe one day I'll be happy and skinny
I won't be alone, eating won't feel like I'm sinning
So the mirrors that I threw out
The pants that are huge
The face disgustingly ugly
The way I look, I have no excuse.

to my darling who feels she's not:
our separation is mere illusion.
truly, your pain strikes me as i write this;
your sensations of abandonment,
and the decisiveness they have caused,
bleed from my skin into the fibers of my clothes.
i am no longer clean.
i do not feel pure.

to my severed arm and shortened tendons:
destruction is merely another side of life.
out of disappearance comes all things-
without space, there would be nothing to contain us,
nothing to allow and enfold our beings' spirits,
and they would sputter and cease like my love's flame.
i am no longer yours.
i do not feel full.

to the farthest star that my eyes can see:
your light reaches me- i glimpse you!
in the perceived emptiness between us
there is no distance to be found;
around us exists the infinite potential for
further connection and deeper growth in closeness.
i am no longer alone.
i do not feel sorrow.

maybe love is to watch a thousand winters pass, and still stand by his side because you know he's made of spring