I
sabotage
the
wheels

before I get on the wagon.

Sometimes I wonder,
  if that was love in her eyes.

The sands of time S
                                p
                             i
                               r
                           a
                       L    
down
   and I still have to find so many puzzle pieces
too many enigmas to ponder
  lines to connect
words to circle
differences in the pictures to point out
in order to not feel so completely incomplete. . .

  so many more wounds to obtain
from such a large heart I have yet to fill

Let it lie
bleed and die
If you don't care
Why should I?
I will not mourn
I will not cry
Your scorn knows not my sacrifice.

I wouldn't have traded our time
For anything
But more.

Go ahead, abandon me
for loving that which should not be
as I lack, and I await
the final crack to complete the break
a heart not needed anymore
fragmented, bleeding, tattered, torn.

For a short, and glorious time
  The world was yours
     The world was mine
Until we started drawing lines
beyond what we could define.
Waiting for stars to align
in hopes to see some kind of sign.

Of course there's other muses. .

You
    are
just
    my
favorite.

It could be just me
or the company I keep
but it seems like everybody
loves most what makes them weak.

People try standing
Hard as a rock
But even stone
Can be eroded
With something
Soft as water
Over time

I fought so hard just to hold on
and now I strain at letting go
my mind wont budge against the pull
of my heart at the end of the rope

Look for me in hell
stepping on the Devils tail
demanding how he prevailed
hiding in the details.

I followed my heart
And lost my mind
With a thinly stretched soul
Stuck intertwined

I gave my heart
ignoring the facts
and lost my mind
but it came back
Tainted my spirit
sold my soul
gave into vice, lost control
We all forgo a part of us
in anger, fear, misgivings, trust
As long as somethings left to learn
the puzzle pieces can return
with all you lose in search of clues
resilience breathes a life renewed

I brushed off the dust
left by many of you
I know where to lay my trust
ready to start anew

Disbanded numerous negative ones
and I'm left with the positive few

I will not grip the void
waiting for nothing to come
I've added all the factors
and tallied all the sums

I read, and read, and read, and read
and sigh.

Instead of a teary exchange
with my weapon hand
trying to convince myself
that its time
I drank myself to sleep
in order to fight another day

Just waiting
For us to leave this planet
And explore the universe
So we can **** that up too.

I think that maybe
it may be just me
maybe Im the one
who fails to see
maybe it is me
who is blaming all the others
afraid to be just another
prone to the tragedy
Running forward blindly
worried that maybe
he may be the only
and chooses to be lonely

maybe it is only me.

Its time to change the subject
You wore this topic thin
I tire of the mindset
which Ive been dwelling in
How can one escape?
I cant outrun the echo
this chaos it creates
still screams within my soul

If I knew
that was the last time
I would see you
I would have tried
to retain a clearer memory
but now
all I have
is a distorted image
like a misted mirror.

Why is it
we so easily forget
what shaped who we were
to become someone
we are not?

Just remember
everyone loves conflict
in one way or another

I still dont know where it is
but it would welcome me
the streets and faces would be familiar
we would share stories of our exploits
where people would recognize my absence
and I would know I was missed
Were I was made to feel my presence
made things better for all
a place where I can cast light
instead of shadow.
Where judgement and ridicule
were lightened by virtues

I am still searching.

There is no secret
to my poetry
I'm just well versed
in exposing my feelings
to complete strangers
when they are just paper.

This growing listless
has left me catatonic
just searching for some substance
Another way to numb this

Too long I've feigned uncaring
this act has left me wary
and it has took its toll
trying to collect my bearings

Searching for some control
Trying to stay unknown
cant show this tattered soul
cant know that I'm not whole

A feeble search for beauty
being blinded by the ugly
truth staring in my face
Trying to escape this rat race

A burnt tongue, with a bitter taste
of my own medicine
all Ive done, and laid to waste
Still I take it time and time again

Its not that I dont learn
its just all that I know
in line waiting my turn
to discover what awaits below.

She is lovely
and self admittedly
a little too crazy over me
many men
would probably see it as a trophy
being with such a creature
over a decade younger
they give me the nod and wink
for my conquest
but I just dont see as they do
and I am far too reluctant
to back track into my past
and re-obtain all the broken pieces
of my shattered heart
to give her the full love she deserves

I've done my time
Inside my mind
and in my heart
I've come to find
The way to unlock
These cell doors
Is with what's mine
not what's yours

So, as some of you who have followed me for quite some time here may know. I have a book of poetry available for purchase. If any of you have enjoyed my poetry thus far. Maybe you might like the collection of my early works. So go check it out! You can find it on Amazon under the title Mind Afire by Jeremy Bean.

If any of you wish to go the route of contacting me personally, I will send you a signed copy for the same price. I know that isnt much, but I would rather deal with the interaction and transaction personally than have Amazon pocket all the money.

I also want to thank all of you who have read, followed, and liked what I do here. Hello Poetry is surely my favorite avenue of expression when it comes to poetry, and trust me. . I have tried many. I love the community, and hope to see you guys more in the future!

Thank you all!

Flooded
entombed
perhaps even doomed
this place no longer
holds the magic
which I once consumed
drowning in simplicity
an undertow of redundancy
Where do I go
when its no longer home to me?
How much must one pay
to keep the vultures away?

So I deleted the conversation
and
  just
kept
  on
drinking

If things were well enough
  I'd leave well enough alone

They say the truth will set you free
But it seems to have imprisoned me
On the inside looking out
cast below shadows of doubt
I spoke my mind
pled my case
gave my heart
what a waste
cold steel bars I cant elude
erected by the likes of you

This world
   sure has its ways of beating you down
but as long as I get up
     I find beauty in every step
of the sound of snow beneath my feet
      the feel of rain upon my skin
every sunbeam that shone in my eyes.
the sweet smell of victory
  and even the bitter taste of defeat

Or so I am told
Trapped inside the sociopathic fold.

I am no more afraid of dying
   than I was afraid of never being born
in this universal symphony
   I am just an underscore
these notes are falling flat
   the pitch is sounding off
Im softening the volume
   of this forgotten song

The art of ignorance
  seems to be the most admired

Crumpled retrospect
clutters at my desk
I cant seem to aquire the words
to rightfully express
the pain within my chest
or confusion in my mind
Maybe I'll find it this time. . .

If I just write one more line.

I have been taught
not to be
a permanent fixture.

Dont crucify me for the love
  I actually CAN get

I would rather pull my teeth
than bite my tongue.

These wounds are far from fresh
but still wont heal
Maybe If I didn't scratch or peel
away at what is buried underneath
your smell upon my skin
is lingering
The name I speak
that rots away my teeth
The face I see
that reflects everything
My Achilles heel, and Icarus wings
continuing to tumble underneath

Some judge silently
some judge loudly
but the worst are those
who do so proudly.

Some see gray hair
as a sign of dismay
a show of old age
or frailty
but as for me
its a badge to see
worn with pride
for all I survived
in the games we play
along the way.
I know more recently
than I did without these.
I no longer need
a rule-book to succeed .

It still remains the same
the game hasn't changed
and I am just as good at it
as I used to be
but the winnings mean nothing to me
and I no longer wish to play.

I stared my demons in the face
they no longer give me chase
despite what they have in store
they just don't scare me anymore

Must I burn with indecision
standing within the derision
waiting for the point of no return

I will never learn to listen
to those who don't have the wisdom
to address their own fears and concerns.

Maybe we feel lifeless
   because we strive to be sterile.

Everybody
deep down
carries that pain
of uncertainty
knowing humanity
could be so much more
than what we are.