I wish I could have kept that childhood wonder
where every day was something new
scary and exciting
unfolding journeys to behold
growing into eerie feelings and emotions
that weren't there before
but then adulthood comes
with responsibilities
and they smash you over the head with redundancy
shackle you with currency.
and we are abruptly awakened from all those dreams.

Sick of faceless
nameless
conquests
Im driven to the point of madness
Anonymous
mistresses
give little purpose to exist
They find no way into my chest
through the roadblocks you erected
around a heart thats left neglected.

Most are only faithful
until their options improve
then theyll quickly discard you
like a worn out pair of shoes.

Maybe an abusive relationship
is better than none at all
I never raised my hand to a woman
but I have cut them off at the knees
with my words
I suppose maybe I have been
emotionally abusive
but its only to express the feelings
I was forced to hide
for the sake of them
Either way
those words
are all that are left to haunt me
because when the fight leaves you
you realize
at least you were fighting for love
and love is better than anything else fought over

but  now. . . .those are demons I wish to no longer awaken
even for the sake of escaping loneliness.

If that makes me a better man,
I sometimes wish I could unknowingly return to the worse one.

How about *******,
how about that?
How about eat ****
from a ***** ******.

Ohh. . .
you want drama?
Ohh. . .
you want violence?

You want entertainment
at anothers expense?

Here is more **** for your eyelids
*****, *******, and ******* kids
Let me ***** your face with drivel
Skull-****** till my ***** a shrivel

Blow my head off
leave you riddled
something soft, you can to belittle.

Let me **** and moan for you
your attention brings my **** to spew
on the lovely **** of praise
this ******* idiotic age

Am I coming off as crass?
Shove it up your ***** ***.
Have a problem?
Go on, push me
your offense makes you a *****

What more obscenity could you want?

What have I forgot?

Ohh Yeah. . .

****.

Let us leave
the decaying cities of our forefathers.
Let us take our last steps upon their blood stained streets
and their disease ridden erections.
Let us return to the sunlight of the meadows
free from the shadows of the skyscrapers.
Let us choke down our last fill of chemically tainted drink.
Let us swallow their last mutated nourishment
Let us unclasp our hands from prayer
to the false gods
calling true spirituality fallacy
In a land where all are strangers
let us look into our neighbors eyes again.
Let us become masters of craft
and not jack of all trades
Let us find true happiness
and not substitute it with ignorant bliss
Let us pump blood back into
vacant, desolate hearts.

Let us destroy the voids within our souls
before it swallows humanity whole

A brand new lock
in my hand the key
No longer home
just leave me be
The lights are off
this abode looks empty

Am I a prisoner or am I free?

Picked up the welcome mat
barred the doors
got a guard dog waiting
on the living room floor
No soliciting sign
for those peddling ******

opportunity wont be knocking
for you anymore.

I did this on purpose
and you have failed the test
because you chose to walk away
instead of try your best

I did this on purpose
and you proved tried and true
to the colors I ignored
I finally see you.

I don't expect you to understand
everything I say
I am just a broken man
who thought you may partake

What should I expect you to get
when its all just empty praise
your presence brings me to forget
the right words to convey

Should I foresee your comprehension
of what comes out my pen
Even though subliminal messages
are hidden time and time again.

I can only hide so much
before it is exposed
I guess I am a fool in such
the emperor has no clothes

Tried cutting you away
I thought Id be okay
but the pain still remains
and I'm bleeding profusely

Amputation
was no solution
now that its gone
there is only more confusion

Pins and needles
needles and pins
I can still feel you
like a phantom limb

I peeled away the scab
and still found you underneath
tried bleeding you away
but it only made me weak

Now dissected
and disconnected
way too restless
to correct this

Pins and needles
needles and pins
I can still feel you
like a phantom limb

You didn't need to cut into me
just to see what I held inside
I would of gave if freely
there never was a price

Pins and Needles
needles and pins
when does it end now
Where did it begin?

I know my heart is good
even if my mind is twisted
Which is why I've stood
in this awkward position
I feel like the moon
in the daytime sky
a sight to question why
it belongs to the night

I feel the monster clawing out of me
hes breaking free
from the cage that contained
every disturbing memory
I try to drown them
but they will not leave
and ignoring him
only makes it more angry
When the surface breaks
what will I be?
As my compassion
gets devoured by reality.

Walk all over me
you are not the first
cleanse the dirt thats on your sole
make my condition worse

I had greetings upon me once
but the welcome has been worn
the corners became blunt
the edges hold forlorn

Tread upon the surface
thats left outside the door
soil every crevice
until its purpose serves no more

Waiting in the wake
for a fate that doesn't come
must try to change my destiny
before I'm left with none.
I'd rather shine bright
and burn out quick
than spend a lifetime
being dimly lit.

My love wasnt good enough
and yours was nothing but a bluff
I gave my all just to be snuffed
by hands I gave my heart and trust
To think that it was only lust
leaves me in a state of disgust
Wasted time I cant retract
to repair what I have lacked
Determining fiction from fact
in a past I can not have back
How silly of me to believe
and not see that I was deceived
Although it comes as a relief
that Im free from this fallacy
I wanted so much more from her
than just yet another number
No longer will I be concerned
with waiting for another turn
I hope one day you feel the burn
of giving such without return

Check out my band! We are a Detroit Based Hard Rock act. Alot of my poetry usually winds up in this project.

http://www.youtube.com/ModernDayMonkeys

I could write the poetry
about my concerns
Inside a society
where no one listens or learns
They would rather fan the flame
and watch it all burn
Take everything in vain
for nothing in return
Leaving little for their children
but tainted water and scorched earth
raised with the belief
in ancient fictional words
Who cant see it as a story
about wisdom pursued
they'd rather sit in ignorance
and see it as a whole truth
In constant dispute
as it all comes unglued
the problems ensue
instead of starting anew
Veils wrapped over their eyes
then they act surprised
when found tangled up in hell
with the decay on the vine
content with the leadership
providing them lies
instead of thinking for themselves
they follow misconstrued ties
provided with the wealth
of being told they're just fine
but you are nowhere near it
and neither am I

I could point out all these matters
that it seems they forgot
but it falls upon deaf ears
afflicted with brain rot.
Lord knows I tried
but why give it another shot
just to be discredited?

I'd rather not

Perhaps I went too far
I have no excuse
nor any regret
for it led me to the truth
If I never took that step
that went beyond the line
I would still be left
with all the empty minds.

I think I'm pretty sure
I could have it worse
but I can not ignore
that it still doesn't hurt

I can still force a smile
participate in wiles
but I'm without a purpose
to search for the worthwhile

I'll hide behind this mask
that's grown ugly and cracked
as long as you don't ask
what brought about this fact.

Holding to a secret
although everyone knows
this guise became my skin
I stretched around my bones.

Any peace of mind
stolen out of spite
an impossible bind
that has purloined my insight.

Maybe someday
but not right now
I made my way
onto this ground
loving the wrong
proves quite a fight
in letting go
to find the right
Although Im known
to dive head first
I think I've learned
that does not work.
the beautiful
are all the same
It takes too much
to try to claim
I will not settle
for whats obtained
within this silly little game.

Shes Younger
just as gorgeous if not more
almost as smart
She definitely has more self respect
her gaze holds more warmth
and possesses a madness
that attracts to the polarity of my crazy magnet
but yet I still
find myself making these comparisons
to you.

People like to say that they don't care
but I know this isn't true
its just an excuse
to hide what others put them through.

The Problem isn't caring
its pretending not to
for we all are scared of sharing
the pains of what others can do

Yes I wrote a book
it was on my bucket list
or at least thats what I say
since its mainly dismissed
Just sold my 57th copy
I suppose thats not too bad
because its 57 more copies
than if I never had.

He only did
what a man was supposed to do
for the woman he loves
which was anything,
and everything
but it all seems so criminal now
and he was most certainly guilty,
So he sits in his cell
built by his own words and actions
with only his memories to keep him company
replaying his evil deeds
and contemplating the motive behind them
for it is all he has left to embrace

because your everything and anything
      means nothing when its a one way ticket to solitude.

I should have wrote that down
before I went about my day
If I try and rewrite it now
never will it sound the same

I hope you choke on my heart
as you devour it before me
relish every part
knowing the pain it brings

I will smile as you do
while your gaze turns to disgust
I even gave fair warning
that my love was poisonous

Say that Im imbalanced
at least that is how they challenge me
In a sick society
saying we're free
from every inch of our own humanity
Insanity is sanity
or is it the other way?
Provided too many choices
In which direction should we pay
or pray?
Their definition of society
is no way to be
Bankrupt from paying in
to the American dream
with invisible bank notes
slowly ripping the seams
have us warring with each other over distracting means
Seeking balance chemically
keep spilling the beans
as long as Monsatos patent isnt infringing
Abortion, gay, race and religious cards
but the deck is stacked
and I'm just miserys bard
watching them play their hand
even though I have resigned
from the ignorance of my homeland
and their mispointed signs
Exposing the truth
just to be disregarded
among the dispute
of the empty hearted
Yet I still scream
at the top of my lungs
it isn't what it seems
upon deaf ears with no outcome.

I almost said I'm sorry
I typed it out in text
but then I sat in worry
over what may come next

At the bottom of a bottle
wallowing in sorrow
I critiqued my writings
and said I'll send them tomorrow

It told you I still love you
and I'm haunted with regret
I have been so selfish
with all I wish I hadn't said

I awoke in the morning
with a clearer head
read it all again
and chose not to send

I deleted the message
I know it sounds absurd
but in that moment of weakness
I still meant every word.

I am the hurt you can't ignore,
dilemmas you wish not to explore
I am that feeling you cant shake,
the flashy white smile you know is fake.

I'm the tale of a broken heart - sailing through a shattered mind
I am the endless search - for the things you can not find
I am all of the times - you wish you could rewind.
I am the light that shines - only to leave you blind.

I am the anger that they feed
I am the task you cant succeed
I am the garden full of weeds
I am the open wound that bleeds

I'm the tale of a broken heart - sailing through a shattered mind
I am the endless search - for the things you can not find
I am all of the times - you wish you could rewind.
I am the light that shines - only to leave you blind.

I am the lies that you thought were true.
I am the ties that are binding you.
I am the aroma of decay
I am the trash that you throw away.

I am the unwanted.

Once again I subject
myself to the neglect
and the same heartache
Ive come to expect
As all my good intents
fall into worthlessness
creating this joke
at my own expense

And i already know
I have been down this road before
seeing the same signs that I once ignored
And I already know
the outcome will not change
when all my actions still remain the same.

breaking my neck for
the same outcome as before

Self saboteur

I walk through the dark but await a new dawn
for what I feel is right sometimes turns out wrong
It's about where your going, and not where you've gone
I wander this path to find where I belong
Under no circumstance will my resolve be fawned
even though I surpassed the line that was drawn
My soles are worn thin, but these legs still stand strong
If the shoe fits wear it, and walk the **** on.

Im obsessed with sorrow
why cant I let things go?
I dont even know why
I follow the undertow

Made misery my maiden
but she has left me jaded
seeking out a light within
the darkness I created

Why is all I value
sold off to misfortune?
what am I to tell you
when the words I speak seem foreign

Seen so much
but feel so little
out of touch
clouded and riddled

The difference is
you want to play god for everyone else. . .

and I only wish to for myself.

I believed in magic once
but I think it may have died
for I cant remember the last time
I looked into your eyes.

I want a million likes, thumbs ups, plus so and so
from those that I don't know
I want them to follow
I hope they come in droves
Fall in love with my mask
laugh at my cartoon character
let me sit and bask
kissing *** of a stranger
show me your pretty images
of your picture perfect lives
leave me in my guilty bliss
where my detachment thrives

Just look what its done to me
Its something I failed to see
It happened so suddenly
and ended so tragically

Watch as your bridges burn
when will you ever learn?
Now that your bridge has burned
where are you going to turn?

Destroy and rebuild again
when will it ever end
I see the smoke up ahead
and I don't know who's my friend

I saw the space burn today
where we would have met half way
smoldering disarray
above where rough waters lay

You know that I would meet you half way
but now half way sits in decay

Growing weak
getting weary
why even speak
when you dont hear me?
Sick of secrets
tired of lies
exhausted by unanswered whys
continuously sacrifice
only to be empty inside.

No woes for your misfortune
a lock that has no key
all the lies youve been forcing
no longer affect me
the words you speak are hollow
when your actions contradict
I refuse to follow
your endless line of ****
unwilling to sacrifice
left me to pay the price
done so out of spite
without a way to make it right

but I suppose its my fault
because I chose to care
rubbing the wound with salt
reaching for love that isnt there

With no hope for tomorrow
I drowned all my sorrows
seeking salvation
at the bottom of bottles
I chose shady ladies
to protect myself
from any love
that I possibly felt
surrounded myself
with who I thought were friends
until I only had empty arms to extend
I chose self destruction
to corner my hate
which only obstructed
my will to create

I'm no longer lost
I may still be searching
but letting go of all my wrongs
that I've been holding to for far too long

You are like a fur coat
lovely and extravagant
on the outside
until you turn it inside out
and see the ugly stitched hide beneath

I fell for you
but fell too long
you let me hit bottom
now the feeling is gone
Once I believed
its was an endless pit
rather suffer impact
than more of your ****

Hurting myself
just to see if it helps
because there is nothing else
The gears have stopped turning
the passion stopped burning
its beyond my discerning
Every decision
fuels the addiction
of my own self affliction
I've loosened my grip
on everything I wished
in this ignorant bliss

Curse my need
to leave nothing unsaid
despite it changing
the outcome I so desire
Curse my soul
for its compulsion
to expose itself
to eyes of distrust
Curse my humanity
which leaves me
standing on the other side
of everything

Should I loathe myself for refusing to cater to the facade,

or should I loathe the others that do?

I wont decay in apathy
or partake in the lot
nor follow in the ways
of this mind numbing rot
If this is your definition
I have to insist
in refusing this mission
to carelessly exist.

I was willing once
to cast away distrust
for nothing in return
but a heart about to bust

I was willing once
to forgo disgust
but I have sat here far too long
only collecting dust

I was willing once
to long for your touch
but Ive been left so far behind
there is no point in such.

I was willing once
to call it only lust
but I've already said too much
about the love you left to rust

check out my band, were a Hard Rock act out of Detroit.

http://www.reverbnation.com/negfed

also. . you can pick up my poetry book on amazon today!!

http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Afire-Collected-Poems-Volume/dp/1478100206/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid;=1371731207&sr;=8-1&keywords;=mind+afire

thanks for stopping by!

Sleep away the days
count sheep all the night
my stomach rumbles
should probably eat
but I have no appetite
coffee all the morning
alcohol all evening
chain smoking in between
my futile search for reason
staring at the walls
I erected around myself
as to not abide
by my decline in mental health.

The kind of life that thrives on lies,
is not the type worth sacrifice.
for too long I've compromised
believing the neglect sufficed
The facade I saw in you
was built by fabricated truths
contradicted by your actions
reducing my heart into fractions
hanging on to hollow words
that were better left unheard

Shes in my heart
in my mind
but not inside
my arms or eyes
this void can not be compromised
with nothing short of loves demise.

I'm not the man I used to be
who once fought diligently
its something I did not foresee

I think the fight has left me

Despite any guilty plea
this purpose lacks veracity
my cares become atrocities

I think the fight has left me

All this animosity
and endless hostility
I leave my weapon hand free

I think the fight has left me