Everyone wants to emulate their lives
like on television
fighting flaws
and protagonists
so we create them
as if our individual life
has meaning
in some sort of grandeur fashion
more than the next
doing the same
making their mark on the world
hoping it sparks a crater
the size of neuclear proportions
yet here I am facing
my own demons
without the greed of attention
and getting
the same incomplete result
if not less
must be all the selfishness

I know I have a high tolerance
for pain
but I never really thought
I enjoyed it
Yet maybe that is why
I get higher than most
just so my fall
from their graces
will hurt that much more.

Just
  save your *******
for someone
  you actually cared about

Go ahead, make the cut
just make sure its deep enough
Go ahead, tie the noose
just make sure to tighten the loop
Go ahead, throw the switch
just make sure to finish this
Send the bullet through and through
just aim true before you shoot
Complete what you once began
and maybe I can live again
I've died too many times before
and tire of this repertoire

I grab life by its hair
pull firmly
and ride the hell out of it
I will continue
to live in a manner
that would make many
mortal men tremble
so that when death comes to claim me
he will be more afraid than I am.

I've been able to beat
everything with anger
except you