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 Mar 2014 Girl---unwanted
furies
There's a secret within me
Writhing to be free
Sometimes it slips out
In wisps of whispers
and I clamber to pull it back
To retrieve the slivers before
Someone realizes what the
Whispers entail

There's a secret within me
Its too much to hold
But its too much to let out
So I let it gnaw at my insides
Pierce my heart
And drain me of what
Might've been a soul.

There was a secret within me
I really shouldn't have kept it
There was a secret within me
But now it's gone

So am I.
 Mar 2014 Girl---unwanted
furies
It doesn't seem like much
At least not at first
Just light little lines
Appearing so quickly
Seeming so innocent

But then the blood rushes up
And fills in the careful lines
Steadily in the beginning
But then you realize
That its not going to stop

Now they resemble smudges
A bit like a child's finger painting
Messy and uncontrolled
Varying shades of life's juice
Creating an unknown picture

Cool water pours down
Everything drips
Pink stains appear
But at last the blood runs out
Taking with it more than you know
From inside myself i can hear
Shrieking, roaring voices
Telling me what i am not
Stating what i will never be
And screaming at me the worst
Which is what i am
NOTHING
    WORTHLESS
           STUPID/FAT/UGLY/*****/****
And i want to fight back
Rebel, scream, cry, cut until
They've seeped out of my blood
I don't rebel, i
Obey their every word because i know
That those words are true
And i deserve this
 Mar 2014 Girl---unwanted
r
So much water, so much iron
Alas, no gold, but copper by the ion
Glows in my skin late summer days
And tastes of blood and flint and maize

******* salt, my spit, my hair
Breathe my tender air, my mollis aer
Anoint me with a cloak of sweat
And with my sword I will beget

The earthy side of me, you see
Nickel, zinc, ah, yet no mercury
Take my dirt, my earth, my stones
Build a castle with my bones.

r ~ 21Mar14
02
My body's covered in butterfly bruises
Tender from your touch
-
Music is my oxygen.
As I am stepping into the sunlight my
Body immersed in the deep, clear symphonies.
Drum beats steady; the breaths that I take
Piano keys dance: the blood of my veins
Immersed, this song is a part of me
Sometimes I forget this, as I dip below sea
Heart beats faster, mind struggling to hold on
Then, rushing to the surface, I realize
I can breathe again.
I wrote this because i think it's true. It's like my ipod is an oxygen tank, and i need the symphonies to stay sane **
Love is a game of cards
Which I play with hands that fumble
While others hide the hearts on their sleeves
I try to speak without it coming out jumbled
I've been dealt a better hand than most
But I have no idea how to play it
I don't even have an adequate poker face
And my cards fall when I attempt a trick

Love is a game of Monopoly
In which I have little to offer
In a world of Rockefeller's and Morgan's
I sit on the side like a wallflower
An infinite cycle of going round and round
And I'm perpetually trying to catch up
But everyone's so far ahead of me
And the whole affair is quite corrupt

Love is a game of chess
In which I will never win
My moves come slow and hesitant
And I am trusting and easy to convince
Playing on a board of black and white
Although the game itself is in shades of grey
Drive me into a corner and call checkmate
Capture my heart then leave and I will never be okay

Love is a game of tug of war
An equilibrium between our ebb and flow
Keep pulling until we're hanging on by but a single thread
While I debate if the glass half empty or full
I'll always be the one loving more
Even when I don't let it show
And I'll be the one who ends up hurt
When you inevitably decide to let go

Love is a night of games in a casino
In a city of temptation and sin
Seal your covenants with a kiss
Sell your soul to the devil with the handsome grin
Make a wish,
And roll the dice,
Remember every rose has its thorns
And when jealousy blossoms, you'll pay the price

Love is a game of Russian Roulette
Which we all play willingly
Just another character flaw,
A human vulnerability
It's no use trying to protect anyone
Luck can save you time and time again
But you can't escape the bullet forever,
And we're all just victims of love in the end
Words.
Dust motes
illuminated
and put in place
within
a
sunbeam
of conscious mind.

But this is not
the magic.

The miracles
are those poems
written
in
complete

DARKNESS


Soul Survivor
C. Jarvis
March 15, 2014
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