He asks me,

"What do you hate about yourself?"

Suddenly, I am silent.


What do I hate?





What don't I hate?

- t.s.

It's hard to fall asleep thinking what I've been doing wrong
I don't know how long that thought will stay
It hurts

And I regret opening up my self to you
Telling you all my fears and my insecurity
I know, because you don't even care

But again, I still feel the same
Your arms is the safest place I've ever been
I know, all because I love you
And I'll never let go of that, of you

Texts from my mother while in recovery:

#1 Following the rules is easy, doing what's right is easy.
#2 Stop making attempts at manipulation.
#3 Stop it. What is the point?
#4 Stop acting out.
#5 Stop being disrespectful.
#6 It seems like you are not even trying.
#7 Are you behaving today? Are you being respectful?
#8 Stop being so negative.
#9 Show some insight.
#10 Just be positive.

Because treatment is so easy.
And treatment is not a place where I should ever feel upset or act out in any type of way.
Never can I say a negative word about how I am feeling--- no. I must say, "I am sad but it doesn't matter because it's a beautiful day out!"
I am finished with feeling belittled and unheard. Where is my support? I lost everyone including my mother now. It seems like all I have is me and I will do absolutely nothing good for myself, so right now I am alone.