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sometimes i feel too much
sometimes i feel too little
i wish i could stay in that happy place
that lies right in the middle

when i feel too much
it's a torrent of emotion
a downpour of epic proportion
and i pray for it to end

yet when it does i don't feel enough
i'm numb, frozen, depressed.
I then pray for this to end
and i'd do anything to feel again

so i'm stuck in this happy limbo
never feeling quite right
like goldilocks in the three bear's house
i can't sleep at night
 Sep 2017 Broken Arpeggio
Barker
Death doesn't scare me
Hurting those closest to me
Scares me
(c)ibarker
 Sep 2017 Broken Arpeggio
Mims
Love,
They say,
It will fix all of your problems,
All your broken,
All your pain,
Love,
Will take that all away,
All I can honestly say to that,
Is how can you put that kind of pressure on someone?

heal me
fix me
save me

Because "you're all I have"
Or "I'm lost without you"
Love,
Will fix everything wrong with me
Don't care if it makes everything wrong with you.

Someone told me,
That love,
Is a lie,
And that we only think we need it,
Because everyone tells us we do,
And we do,
But not from her,
And definitely not from you,
We need love
Because society convinces young girls,
That it will fix everything
And it will.
But its not the kind of love
That is taking over 13 year old girls,
The love,
From another human being
Isn't what's gonna fix you,
you have to,
Because yes,
Love will fix everything,
If you love you.

And believe me,
This is something that I wish I knew long ago,
Because I went so long,
Hating myself,
And wanting love from someone else,
When all the healing I needed to do,
Was inside of me,
When I figured out,
That love for yourself is beautiful,
It makes everything clearer,
Everything,
Makes sense,
My love,
Your love,
Is what'll fix you,
That's not something I can do.
Said love so much, it doesn't even sound like a word anymore
Sometimes,
There's more said
In the
silence
Than in
These broken
*words
I say too much in the silence
Because no matter how hard I try there never will be enough words in the world to describe anything...
I guess
That after you,
I'm just* *cursed
To forever fear
Opening up
To anyone
Ever again

...
I've hidden
The pieces
Left of me
Deep inside
My steel heart

...
I'm just cursed
To forever push
Everyone away

...
Everywhere I look
I see these
Iron walls
Constricting
And yet...

...
I'm just cursed
To forever live
Behind these walls
I keep putting up

...
It's Dark
And Abandoned
Here
But it's
The only place
That's
Safe

...
I'm just
Cursed Lonely
**For forever and over again
It was hard enough knocking down my walls the first time around... thanks to you I'm almost unreachable now (excerpts from a journal a couple years ago so it has a bit of an immature vibe to it but I don't like editing my past works so here it is)
I just want to pack my bags
And vanish
Leave without a trace

Spend the rest of my life
In solitude
Knowing
I'm no longer
A burden to you...
...
Maybe this way I'll find me,
The real me,
The one that lives outside of
These useless broken words
The one that breathes outside of
This loop of a mess that's become
My nightmare and my life all at once
...
Maybe this way I can finally
Throw away my masks
Maybe this way I can finally
Taste freedom
Maybe this way
I might even discover
The meaning of
True happiness

*And maybe this time
I won't run away from it
"She loved mysteries so much that she became one..." Maybe she became one to finally unlock the mysteries of the world...
Front Page (9/13/17)
(Just some scribbles on a lined paper someone will find years from now in the trash...)
 Sep 2017 Broken Arpeggio
Colm
How quickly she forgot
How poorly I expressed
And either way
We are run away
With the feeling of want which may not keep
And will not if you ask the likes of me
It's true...and this is why time matters to me.
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