At age 7, I was guilty
when I accepted an invitation
to go into the apartment of a neighbor
He smelled of beer as he groped me.

At age 10, I was guilty
when I walked home too late
because I missed the train
He popped out of the bushes
exposing himself.

At age 12, I was guilty
when my uncle forced
tongue into my mouth
because I could not
get away.

At age 14, I was guilty
when my uncle forced
me to sit on his lap
while in my bathing suit
and I ran away from home.

At age 16, I was guilty
when my uncle convinced
everyone that I was a liar
and I quit school.

At age 18, I was guilty
when I gave birth to
my first child,
because I was ignorant.

At age 20, I was guilty
when I saw the cardiologist
in the reflection of a lamp
*******  and the
police laughed at my report.

At age 30, I was guilty
when my employer
trapped me in the elevator
to ***** me, because I
was his subserviant.

At age 36, I was guilty
when I earned jujitsu honors
but risked going to jail
for defending myself.

At age 70, I was guilty
when a neighbor brought
me fruit and grabbed my
breast, because I was alone.

At age 72, I am guilty
of being a ferule woman
for 50 years and for
NOT be silent!

I teeter along a rickety old rope bridge,

high above savage waters.



I stop when I reach the center.



I look down between a gap in the wood planks.



This was a mistake.

I begin to shake.



I gaze behind me.

I see those gnarled, thorny

branches overlaying the foot of this bridge and beyond.



I stare intently at these heaps of thorns,

thinking of the number of times they sliced me,

how much I bled as I made my way here.



I glance down at my collection of cuts and scars.

I close my eyes and breathe deeply.


I am a survivor.



I

   Am

      Alive.



I open my eyes and look ahead.

I see a path, and though it is vast and grueling,

I know it leads to a different place whence I came.

New is good enough.




I hold my breath.

I take my next step.

Gemini, Scorpio, Libra, Aries
Jet black, brunette, bleach blonde, redhead
Introvert, extrovert, whisper, yell
Hide and seek, show and tell

Scientist, janitor, actor, cashier
Celebrating first or ninety-fifth year
Sixty hours, forty, ten
Luscious, average, thick or thin

Disposable income or income disposed
Hair covered up or shoulders exposed
Skin of all colors, some dark and light
Haven't we created such a versatile life?

It seems we've replaced different with bad
Condemning differences we're lucky to have
How boring if we had one season, one flower
How boring, a rainbow with only one color

Police killings,
Guns in classrooms,
Black lives matter,
Gendered bathrooms.
Terrorism, marriage law,
Protests, riots,
Presidential election,
American crisis.

Red, white and blue
We’re kneeling, burning.
Children watching,
Hearing, learning.

Moving backward
But seeking change,
Demanding love
But spreading hate.
Tearing down,
Demanding growth,
Impossible
To have both.

We scream so we’re heard
But do we seek change,
Or do we seek volume?
Is it passion or rage?

There's quite a difference
Between taking a stand
And demanding peace
With knives in our hands.

We are the power,
And we are the knowledge.

But we are the battle,
And we are the challenge.

Some value money,
Some value time,
Some value success,
Some just want to feel fine.

Some give their all,
Some give only half,
Some give none,
Some give more than they have.

Always on the run, we aim and strive,
Running on empty, yet we never arrive.

But what is our goal?
What leads to fulfillment?
Giving the world
One hundred percent?

We lose ourselves trying to gain,
And then we're lost, but who's to blame?
Giving our all in search of bliss,
Is success found in emptiness?

You deserve balance,
It's your life to live.
So oh, please remember,
Emptiness cannot give.

It's hard to be a small fish in a big sea,
And even harder when it storms.
One day all is going well,
Then you're thrown into coral thorns.

Choppy water, powerful waves,
Swirling currents,
Can't catch a break.

When you feel an inch tall
In a world so large,
Don't sit back and watch,
It's time to take charge.

We can't change the world
And we can't stop the storms
But we control ourselves
Even when the wind whirls.

Find your protection,
Find your strength,
Find your safety,
And find your own peace.

When you armor yourself
And don't depend on the world,
No matter the chaos,
Peace can always be yours.

Maybe the one talked over and hushed
Grew up to be quiet, reserved
Trying to develop a voice of their own
But it was never heard

Maybe the one seeking attention
Spent their life being ignored
Experiences shape perceptions
And perceptions shape our world

But this is where we start, not end
After all, we're not cement
We change and bend and learn and grow
We can end above and start below
Beliefs can change and so can we
What we were, we don't have to be