Brianna

Brianna Oct 2017

You will find me in this darkened room with caffeine and nicotine damaging my body.
You can find me with ink stains on my fingertips and note books filled with art of my youth- drawings, poetry, stories, journal entries to remember my past.
I won't apologize for being me- curious, wild, and beyond normal repair.
I won't apologize for dreaming- wishing, memorizing the way your lips tasted, imaging your eyes.

You'll find me with a bottle of wine leaning against my turquoise colored wall singing songs of my youth.
You can find me lighting candles in the rain and opening all the windows not giving a **** about the damage it will have on my apartment.

I won't apologize for being me.

#apologize #never #me #self #love #care #imagery #dreams #wishing #memories

Brianna Oct 2017

Closure like the Winter

Closure came like the Winter.
I expected it but at the same time I was unprepared rushing to find a jacket for this cold that all of a sudden consumed my body.

He didn't have any answers so I learned to fix the locks without him.
I kept his excuses to throw out when Spring came around.

I had to learn to accept the bad days when I was confused and scared and all alone.
I had to learn how to accept that he would never give me the answers I was actually trying to get from myself.
I had to learn how to find the warrior inside me because sometimes love makes you weak and that's okay for a while.

Closure came like the Winter.
It left everything around me dead inside so that I could bloom again in the Spring.

#closure #winter #cold #seasons #change #warrior #self #love #answers #questions

Brianna Oct 2017

7

When it's not so sad anymore I will show pictures of us to my future children.
I keep them hidden in 7 different folders on my computer to try and hide them from myself so I don't get weak and want to look at the better days.

I deleted you from social media, I blocked you, but as we all know that's a temporary solution to the bigger problem.
I always find love for you even when I hate you deep down inside- hidden under 7 layers of skin and memories.

When it's not so sad anymore I almost wish we would run into each other on the streets.
Maybe it won't be so awkward, I'll have moved on and you'll have moved on but maybe there will be a small spark still there.

When it's not so sad anymore, I will eventually delete those pictures from my memory and my computer.
I will find a way to permanently erase your love one of these days... maybe 7 months from now, maybe 7 years from now... someday.

#seven #life #change #love #memories #delete #blocked #social #media #millennial

Brianna Oct 2017

Autumn Day

We felt lost and we felt confused but we pushed through.
It was a cool autumn breeze- it smelled like apple cider and dead leaves.
It was brisk so we huddled together for warmth- your red cheeks mixed with mine so perfectly.

There was something about the way you hunched your shoulders- the lack of confidence when you should have had more was adorable.
There was something about the way your lips looked when you talked- I just wanted to kiss you so bad that day.

The sunset was orange and yellow with hints of pink- the storm was on the way but we held tight.
I lost my nerve when you held my hand on the way back to the car.
You smiled and I smiled... and it was just so simple.

#brisk #walks #autumn #smiles #love #cold #warmth #confidence #cute #romance

Brianna Oct 2017

Thinking of you...

You've been on my mind a lot these days and not your love or the lack of love I felt for you- just you in general.
The way you would dedicate certain songs to me and sing me the lyrics in the car and via phone.
The way you never really cared what anyone else thought about you- you were just you.

I was dreaming of you when La Vie En Rose came blaring through my speakers so smoothly.
I was wondering if you were thinking of me too when I'll Be Seeing You started playing slowly at the perfect time.

There are so many songs, and the music we played lying in bed.
The good moment instead of the bad moments.
The memories that made me laugh, instead of the ones that made me feel guilty.

Guilty for letting you love me and never returning anything back.
For using you for what I needed instead of returning the same care when you needed it.

We can't change the past but we can try again with someone new.
I just wanted you to know, I was thinking of you.

#thinking #memories #love #good #bad #sad #life #changes #music #calm

Brianna Oct 2017

Dear Future Lover

Dear Future Love of my life--

I will not wait around like I did with all my lovers before.
I will not be the girl who you talk to randomly for two days then stop.
I will not let you guide my heart in the wrong directions again and again just because I am caring and kind.

I will either be your everything or I will be your nothing.
It's simple.

Love always,
Your Future Lover

biggest pet peeve- Ignoring me.

#love #relationships #sick #and #tired #over #it #games #modern #dating

Brianna Oct 2017

Same Questions

tell me sweet love of mine-

aren't you tired of always asking the same question over and over again?

I am.

#same #thing #over #and #questions #love #lost #relationships #exhausted #tired