Your eyes reminded me of snow; cold and impatient. There was a blizzard in your soul waiting to explode.

You were so young... I remember it like yesterday. You held my hand and we laughed about the weather and the clouds above us. You were so naive.

Your lips tasted like mint. They were always there for me when I was down or needed comforting. Waiting to tell me things I needed to hear; a taste of something special for once.

You were so wild. Such a vagabond always looking for the next chapter to write about. Sparks always flew from your heart with passion I could never understand. You were so free.

If this would help me make sense of this disaster that happened I would write forever. I don't know why it had to end this way. I don't know where the adventure went the day you died.

But my heart is like your snowy eyes; cold and distant.
And my lips are chapped and taste like blood from biting my tongue; holding down the tears I've built up in a matter of hours.
And my soul has aged... Wild and free was never for me.
You were so young...

When the world was green and bright we kidnapped our love in glass bottles and named them fireflies.

When the world was happy we followed the moon and the stars; always knowing they would guide us home.

When the stars seemed less shiny and the fireflies somehow got away...I still loved you.

The memories we shared.
The flowers in my hair.
The smile on your face.
The way my heart raced.

When the world was full of compassion and life, we planted our dreams in trees.

When the world showed us the ocean and her mystery, we buried our smiles in the sand.

And when the world started to fall Apart from pollution and creation... I still loved you.

The life in your eyes.
The endless surprise.
The kisses we fought for.
The way our love soared.

So even when the world ends and we aren't sure if we have a next life to begin.... I'll still love you.

There is something brilliant hidden under the words you say when you're mad.

When you say "I"... You say it was such conviction! Such passion is in that one letter making it know that YOU are serious.
When you say "don't" you start to lose that edge and I can hear you shaking under your breath... Not as convincing here.
When you say "love"... I hear pain. Nothing but sad, unnerving pain. I almost can't handle it.
When you say "you"... I can't tell if you are talking to me or yourself. You have at this point lost me on whether you're serious or not..
When you say "anymore"... This is when I have officially stopping believing anything you say. You've at this point started looking at your shoes as though they know the answer.

And when you say "I don't love you anymore"... Then I would have to assume you probably don't love me anymore.

If I could tell you one thing I Would tell you to live young, wild and free.
You're going to make mistakes.
You're going to get in trouble and feel awful when you get caught.
You're probably going to lie even if you don't really want to.
There are days you're going to want to just give up on life and that's okay.

If I could tell you one thing, I would tell you to love the way the moon loves the sun.
Find someone who loves you unconditionally.
Someone who will never change you.
Learn to let things go.
Learn to be forgiving even when you want to punish someone so bad it's all you think about.
Because there are days you're going to want to fight just to feel alive!

If I could tell you one thing, I would tell you to always be yourself.
It's unique.
It's truthful.
Because there really is only one you & some days you might not like you anymore.
And someday you might love yourself more than anyone else!

If I could tell you one thing, I would tell you to be honest.
Be honest with people who care for you.
Be honest with yourself.
Be honest to the person who will break your heart.
Because honesty always win in the end.

If I could tell you one thing, I would tell you to dance.
Dance like you're floating along the Milky Way.
Dance like it's the last time you're going to be alive.
Dance to music no one but you can hear.
Because sometimes, making a fool of yourself is the only way to laugh the bad stuff away.

And if this is the last thing you ever hear from me... I would tell you that I love you.
I love who you are even if you don't.
I love the smile on your face and how you light up.
I love the look in your eyes when no ones looking.
And even though only you can make yourself happy, just know,
I love you.

There wasn't much left to do but drink the night away; just me and this bottle of ***.

I seemed to have blurred the lines from being 18 and happy to 22 and ready to drink myself to death.

I am not sure how I got here, maybe years of hiding sadness, who knows really?