I wish I knew how to make it stop, the pain i feel in my heart,
What can I use to keep it together? My life is falling apart,
I'm scared to sleep cause when I do i have these crazy dreams,
,In them i struggle to catch my breath and no one to help me it seems,
And when I finally can wake up it's hard to get out of bed,
All my energy has been ****** dry so I  go back to sleep instead,
I have gone through this, so many times it's costed me alot,
I've lost my job for not showing up and mycar that I had just bought,
I got a notice on my door saying I can't live here nomore,
How can it get worse i try to think how , what next does fate have in store,
I feel so overwhelmed I'm lying on the floor in a ball uncontrollably crying,
I hear my phone ring and when I pick up, my doctor tells me I'm dying,
I throw my phone at the wall and it breaks and then I start to break too,
Why is this happening and all very quick, god tell me what did I do,
I went to church since I was a kid and prayed everynight before bed,
I know many people who do so much bad ,why can't it be them instead,
On weekends I would take food to give to the poor on christmas give gifts for the kids
Im trying to search through my whole life but cant find what i have did
Ive been in pain for a year my body and heart ,my life now not much remains,
I have gone through so much I gave faith my mind now I'm going insane
I'm done putting my self in hands that ain't there and done trusting faith with my health
All the time that I wasted trusting my life to faith I even gave it my wealth .
I know now that if there's a chance for me to survive I have to have faith In just me ,
Cause no one will love me as much as I do I hope it's not to late we will see.

in our world we're always at war,fighting sometimes we don't know what for, 
thousands die that are fathers, and brothers ,sons, daughters,sisters and mothers,¹¹
They're shooting at someone whose younger than them who's life just began and nows going to end,
 Why does so many people have to die in a war cause two men can't agree and dont know what for,
It takes thousands to die for them to talk peace,and asking the other for their fire to cease,
But it's a waste of time cuz they agreed on it all except for something dumb like a nickel and wall 
So thousands will die for this war they made up,for reasons madeup, and all made up by corrupt,
Started a war,tell you fight not what for make a fortune  selling weapons from their online store,
What's sad and corrupt and will never be right, the weapons they sell to our enemies we fight,
The thousands who died getting shot some suicide,died for men they didn't even know lied,
Next time they talk war  let's turn it around and let these leaders fight each other til one's dead on the ground.
If we made that a law their be no more war at all cause these leaders will think twice when it's there life that might fall.

Now this ain't me boasting,i'm talking about emotion,its like a ride at a park when your roller coasting,
people feel glad,mad,sad, and feel real depressed but one emotion started all this and made their life a mess,
like me some people build a wall cause someone broke their trust they dont feel emotion as much and no one do they trust,
depression comes in peoples lives different reasons why,losing someone close to you,being overweight, or a girl or guy,
depression i think is the worse to feel cause it takes your energy and will,it will hit you til you cant take no more and yourself you will ****,
people start taking pills to change the way they feel,sometimes it just makes it worse now your taking them every meal,
mental health don't pick and choose it welcomes who ever will come, it doesn't matter if your old,rich,poor,or young,
i've seen someone sit on a couch for longer than 2 years,something happened to their mind and messed up all their gears,
depression can hit without a word or even make a sound it doesn't matter where your at or if anyones around,
i've even seen it get someone with no problems at all it goes after any race, the whole goals  to make you fall, 
its very hard to fight it,but not impossible, not with pills or therapy and not with drugs or alcohol,
the way to win is strengthen your mind and dont answer when it knocks, you have to ignore it at all costs even if its throwing rocks
giving it attention is what it needs to get inside your mind,once its in your life will change and yourself you may never find,
remember what i said keep it out of your head,if you feel something saying to be sad ,think of happy thoughts instead,

I did find my something special again,,
But just because u find your something special,  
its really not your something special.
it's only your something special if they want to be your something special
or they might already be someone else's something special ,
when u think u found your something special  make sure u make your something spcial feel like their something special ,
and tell them how special they are verbally and any other special way you can,
cause if you dont then your something special might leave you for someone else who has been  making them feel special cause u didnt,
so be careful when looking for something special ,
especially when your something special is not your something special yet,
and just because something is special to you doesn't mean your special to what's special to u,
I had something that was special in my life once,
It was taken from me without warning,
i wasnt telling them or showing them how special they were to me before they were taken, now itwas to late
I was actually talking to this special one that was taken from me cause even though they were mine first they chose to be special to there new special partner over me,Cause of the way I am,
I take it as a sign after this I finally except that it's true I don't deserve you something special so do us both a favor and no matter what I say or do don't give in to me,
Stay happy with your new special person that your special to.

I think im starting to realze something
Ithink im on the wrong ship,
I guess i didn't think things through
when I came on this trip,
I thought that we had made a bond
love at first sight,
I went to her house, that same day,
was there all night,
When I left I whispered in her ear.
I love you. I felt her body tense
That's why I don't understand this
and why it dont make sense
All that would go through my mind
Was if she was there alone.
That night, I couldn't get much sleep,
Too much was on my mind,
At one point through that lonely night
I caught myself crying,
That morning, I jumped in my car.
And went to her, place,
i knocked and when she opened the door
she slapped me in the face,
How dare you just to show up here
And sending me those texts,
I don't know what you thought about last night.
But to me it was just ***,
Sometimes I just need to release. It's called companionship.
I thought u wanted relationship sorry
I was on the wrong ship

I had this girl who to me was special
who i treated the wrong way,
I did her wrong cause i'm a fool and
i regret it everyday,
I love this girl with all my heart and
i know she still loves me,
I wish i knew how to change
i don't know any other way to be,
I'm like a blind man in store
that sells nothing but glass,
Or someone who messes up alot
who don't learn from his past,
I don't know how to be in love
cause i don't know how to act,
Feelings,remorse,compassion,and caring are things i know i lacked,
I wish i knew how to do it right
so this special girl i lost,
Would still be with me this very day
no matter what the cost
now she hates me cuz i went to far
now i don't know what to do
one thing about me will never change
Is that I love you

I want to live forever more
I need more to live for
Deep inside my mind and soul
I feel it in my  core,

I try to live life healthy.
I'm content but I'm not wealthy
I live each day like it's my last
I'm a loner who lives stealthy

I want to live real happy
Being in love sometimes is ******
so I dont even take a chance
You can learn to love with out me

I have been through trials in my life
I got two kids, adog, ex wife
I have dealt with tribulations
My mind is sharper than a knife

I wish I knew what the future holds
Wish my ex wasn't so cold
Their the reason I won't remarry
If life was poker I would fold

I am old  or so i'm told, hair is all gray  
Wouldn't live differently any other way
Wanted to live 4ever i changed my mind
Want to die if its my time not another day

Dear lord above in case you're real right now I pray to thee,
To help me with my inner self to change the way I be,
For many days and many years this has been my life,
I even couldn't call it quits for my kids and my wife,
Wish I may wish I might give me the will to fight,
To gain control of my life back and even of my sight,

I need help im starting to stray,
I dont want to live this way,
Don't leave me with these demons of mine,
They are very cruel and real unkind
I am a prisoner in my own head
How can I escape and be free instead,
I've been fighting demons for so long,
I just can't beat them ,they're very strong,
Sometimes I run as fast as I can,
When I stop, right there they stand
Everyday is the same ol same,
Cause me pain and shame my name,
If it's the last thing that I do,
One day I will get rid of you,
Until then I must learn to fight
Until they're gone and out of my sight