Goodbye.

It pains me to say this to you because I honestly don’t want it to come from me but I have to. So goodbye.

We were in the brink of something so beautiful but you chose to end it because of something I still find too shallow. It honestly makes me wonder how it will be if we pushed through but the fact that it was so easy for you to let me go made me think that, “I guess it won’t end well if we continue.” Fears will always be present, babe. The key is not to let it get to you but it did, and in a bad way.

I can’t even begin to imagine how our life would be like though, you know, if we continue. And the more days go by, the more I doubt myself if I want this. Well, scratch that. I want this so badly, but I don’t think it will work. I am torn between giving this a shot with all my might and just letting this go because I know in the months to come, the pain will be more unbearable.

Our personalities just don’t mix well with this frustratingly uncontrollable issue. You fear that when you leave me soon, we will be worse than what we are now. That’s why you think it will be easier for you to leave without having any extra baggage, me. My friends called you a coward, but some people just don’t understand. They don’t understand the depth of the situation because simply, they’re not in it. They can say all they want to and anticipate how it’s like being in our places right now but they’re never going to understand the pain and the feelings in between that go with the situation. They just don’t.

We were a perfect match. And I guess because of that, we burnt out. I feel like there’s a huge void inside me and I can’t make any sense out of it, because we were never together but you made such a huge impact. We were, are, and will be nothing but an ALMOST.

But if anything, I want to let you know how much I loved our little infinity capsuled in a span of 1 month. Many great things happened in that short amount of time that never happened in the years I’ve had with anyone else. And I will always be grateful for that. I now know that I deserve a love like that, and more. You showed me how it was to feel special and to be appreciated for who I am, flaws and all. I was the most beautiful girl in your eyes and I hope one day we'll find our way back and give our love another try. I hope that when that day comes, we'll continue our story rather than just leave it with an ellipsis.

I guess I’ll still be here for you though, but in a different way. I’ll always be your cousin’s classmate who made your heart skip a beat at day one. I’ll always be the girl who knows how to make you laugh even when you’re not in the mood and I’ll always be that stubborn “almost” girlfriend who made you feel like you were the best “almost” boyfriend.

Take care of yourself, big guy. Goodbye.

Thumping heartbeats a quickened pulse
the river rising in full spate
rushing gush of blood, a fountain
of words leave a would be poets lips
as they drown in the depths together
the words and the poet unable to swim
a last gasp of bubbled air set free
rises to the surface, and bursts its skin.

countless voices
cry to life
the giver
seeking, begging
give us
'more, more
and yet more',
till they hear
life saying,
'I shall give
when I receive'.

between life and death
life stares
and so do we
silence and sound
we ask each other
' what did we give?'

It's 2:00 am in the morning.
And I wish I could hug you tight,
instead of pillow.
I could feel your arms wrapped around me,
 instead of blanket.
I could listen to your heartbeat,
instead of rain.
And I wish it was you on my side,
instead of him.

It's 2:00 am in the morning,
and I'm wishing for nothing.

You are whispering to me that you love me like:
- sinking into sleep
- mornings
- hot chocolate on a minus ten degrees
- the first touch
- the immersion of bare feet in warm summer sand
-  the dance of fireflies in June
-  a breather between two *******
-  a sincere smile between two denuded people

I write you a note on a slip of paper, as if I was a kid.
That I love you
Like a quilt on a minus fifteen degrees.
Like a inspiration.
Like a inception of the will.
Like a"Jaffa" biscuits and restful sleep.
Like a flowering cherry tree and glowing nut from a wild chestnut tree.
Like a sudden wonder.
You're asking me whether you are my sudden wonder.
Little, ragged wonder.
Yes, you are, I answer.
You love being my little ragged wonder.

You are asking:
For my nape and chin.
Top of my head  and lips.
Embrace of a careful lumberjack.
You want chin-caress.
For five minutes.
Intensively!

You are a story that I write
Since the age of five
Since I saw that butterfly
Landing on my finger
I kept my breath
So she wouldn’t fly
Away like the rest of my dreams
For a moment longer
I could have been dead
But I never thought of that
As I exhaled
I scared her off and she was gone
Quicker than the image of my first kiss
With the frog I thought would turn into prince
But it didn’t
Who am I to dream
But a wounded soul
Trying to tell a story
Since the age of five
when I saw that butterfly