A new school year
A new therapist
A new plan
A wish to fly away

But grades still matter
But she asks the same questions
But maybe it won't work out
But maybe I'm meant to fall

I am scared of everything
I am afraid of nothing
I want to fit in
I do not care what others think

But I need to be brave
But nothing is frightening as well
But I know I never will
But your words still hurt

A new playlist
A new group of friends
A new set of rules
A new job

But its all the same songs
But I will lose them one day
But I still fail to live up to them
But I am scared to lose it

I don't want to be alone
I am not meant to be loved
I do not want to get hurt
I  am broken

But loneliness is less scary
But I desire it
But I can handle pain
But I am not fragile

A new wardrobe
A new club
A new class
A new life

But it is not the same
But no one joined
But it feels too easy
But I didn't change

The inconsistencies of life.

Yet another evening that turns into night
and the thoughs in my head that want me to die.
Oh no.
God no.

How deep does, the rabbit hole go?
The question, the answer I really wish to know.

Is there a glow,
that one can follow,
or is there just emptiness,
that will always  feel – shallow.

There must be a judge, a jury, a...
No.
God, no.

There isn’t anyone and when you die you’re just dead.
The only thing that matters:
“Live your life with no regret!”

No god.
Just no.

the issue begins when some men believe,
that giving them birth, was another’s mischief.

No.
Please no.

Is the resentment still piled high,
or has it, like love,
faded into silence?

Not every night—
but when rain falls at midnight,
I know you rise, quietly,
to drink in its gentle serenity,
then burn with anger,
thinking of me.

You ask yourself, again and again:
“Was I always this way before?”

Believe me—
without you, even a starry sky
is nothing but moonless dark.
Even a sudden spell of drizzle
feels emptied of all emotion.

When I feel trapped on the land,
I’m looking for anyone to lend a hand.
They’re just too scared of me,
knowing that I belong back in the sea.
I struggle, thrash and flop with all my might;
a shark on land doesn’t feel quite right,
and I can’t win this fight.

I’ve got no qualms with man,
but trapped on shore was not my plan.
Whatever will be will be,
but can’t someone roll me back into the sea?

They’ve seen great whites and nurse,
but whatever class I am I’ve got it worse.
I walk but they know I’d rather swim,
I happened upon shore on just a whim.
Drying out from my nose to tail,
can’t they see I’m not threat, I’ve gotten frail?
They’re so scared they’re turning pale.

I’ve got no qualms with man,
just wish one would stop me from getting a tan.
If I could speak I would plea,
“can’t someone roll me back into the sea?”

Barely moving, but still giving it my best,
I count the phones documenting my distress.
They look on caught almost in a trance,
mistaking my movement for some type of dance.
But they’re just too scared of me,
even though I’m struggling to breathe,
hear how I huff and heave?

I’ve got no qualms with man,
no issue with their ways or lifespan.
I wish they felt the same for me,
so can’t someone roll me back into the sea?

Caught in my mind
Chasing a love that's already gone
A piece of me still feels gone
The friends I left behind
And yet, here I am, lost in thought

Your gaze pulls me in
The warmth you bring
I wish I had the clarity
To undo what I’ve done
I long to fall
To follow where you lead
But I can’t help but turn back
To days I can't forget

- Bastian