I am at no one's behest
in freedom I achieve the best

Thoughts race like lyrical melodies.
Repeating themselves like a chorus.
He can’t take the incessant chattering.
The yes, no, please make it stop of it all.

It’s too much to handle.
Handle, like he’s riding a bike with the handles disconnected.
A wall in front of him, no way to steer.
No way to brake.
Can’t get it to stop.

Here comes the verse again,
“You will hurt those you love.
You will hurt those you love
You will hurt those you love
You have hurt those you had loved.”

The verse came in,
“Attention-deficit with hyperactivity, anxious, obsessive-compulsive,
Insomniac, bipolar, with substance dependency.
A basket case with narcissistic traits, but the self-esteem that makes him drown while everyone else floats."

Stated in the order of chronological diagnosis.
Each a bookend to a chapter of his life.
Collecting disorders like pokemon cards.
Being the worst there ever was.

A night of heavy drink
You beckon me
Makes me think
About the choices I’ve made

The people I’ve chosen
But those people, they fade
Just when it ends, you blow in

Here you are,
Bare on my bed
Once so afar
Now spread

In town, February 29th
5:20 am
Us, intertwined
I gaze at you like a gem

Fast forward twenty years
I see a house with pictures of you and children in frames
A house made alive by their cheers
And to think, it all started with a young flame

White walls make up my cube
Clear liquid flows through my tube
White pills forced down my throat
Makes me numb, makes me float

White walls turn to blank canvases
Stared at by motionless carcasses
Men in white coats herd them like sheep
To their rooms where they’re forced to sleep

No rest for the weary
Though the pills they shoved make me dreary
The white walls turn to beautiful paintings
My perceptions are my only escape

Dreams of life before my break
Faded hallucinations keep me awake
Splattered on the white walls
An innocent child plays with a ball
An African landscape where a lion crawls
An angel falls
My family calls

The lights stay on
A constant dawn
No rest for the weary

I tattered your Yellow Wallpaper,
And trenched along your Groves.
To find that little special place,
Creeping amidst your Prose.

I scouted your Lands in search,
For what I found most dear.
But frankly I never found much,
That Gem was always there.

So as I walk my fickled Wood,
I realized something good.
I really never understood,
And I never really could.

Light Eddies And Venerable Elm,
Meant Everything.