I’ve tried being strong,
I’ve tried fearless and bad.
Chased love more than a few times,
But it’s all just a fad.
Because underneath it all,
I’m still a little girl who’s sad and
Who’s too scared to sleep,
Because she just needs her Dad.

Fear teaches me, sort of aimlessly.

Blaming a resilience I wish I'd seen,
The punch I wish I’d been -
A prey I wished I'd hit.

Overshadowing the dopamine I’d like to feel.

Via guilt-induced tears, effortfully shield-building
Via timeless dampening -
I’m nervously standing, brainlessly censoring.

But never has anger crossed that brain,
Never have I ever played this game.

Whether from arrogance or negligence, I yawn at their stance
Not a chance I’ll advance.

Science tends to disagree - research believes in therapy
As far as claiming it'd make me happy.

        'Have a 30-minute walk each day',  
She dares to say as I continue to pay.
        'You carry trauma from your childhood'
        'Navigate your thoughts and it’ll affect your mood'.

Sorry doctor, I’m lacking modesty -
I seem unable to take you seriously and seeing you hurts violently.
I could easily earn your degree.

Undoubtedly, people will say:
        'How can she expect to be okay?'
        'She's abusing of her sick leave pay'
        'In no way committed to her healing journey'.

To which I’ll roll my eyes at any day.

It was nice,
but I’m ready to go.
To go grow.
To go learn all I can learn,
and know all I can know.
To hold more hands,
give even biggers hugs.
To share more of my precious love.

Aristotle said,
“Through discipline comes freedom”.
So faced myself in the mirror,
Instead of chasing the sun.