A man asked me why I was more afraid of people than I was a hopsital.
With a heavy, yet numb heart, I replied:
"I have had more IVs than I ever had hugs."
Simple late night vent.
Dealing with multiple chronic illnesses my whole life has left me with such a severe depression, sometimes I wish I could die than live like this.
In the passed month, I had been in E.Rs 9 times and admitted as well. As much as you'd think I would be relieved in the end I have treatment, and found a diagnosis after this years start of flare ups, infections, etc...
I wish at times I would just go to sleep and never wake up.
I am not someone who was ever strong against even the most simplest of pain, held strong in times when something came up, and I have severe anxiety about my health even if it is a small cough, every moment is watching the clock, pill bottles and appointments.
I know others have it worse out there, and I know there is hope...
But in moments like now, I see nothing more than pain the rest of my life and being a failure to every single person around me.
To those of you out there who know or deal with something like this...
I am so truly sorry.
Things like this, I would wish on NO ONE, not even the Devil himself.
I wish-as taken for granted as people are towards health and what they can have-
I would give anything to cure your soul than mine.
(Sorry to rant. It's late, I am trying to keep "dark thoughts" at bay.)
God bless everyone of you, and to good health may you always find.