It’s hard to say if this pain will ever come to an end. I hear so many tell me to just let it go....  Does this make it not so? Will it take away my nightmares? Will it take away the pictures and videos behind my eyes that play on rewind a million times?

I EVEN asked. You know, the big question. yes I even asked him;
Why ? Why are you doing this to me, I trusted you, you know everything I’ve been threw? I used these words. The words from that young child’s lips. My lips the words that I asked.  The words from which his answer came. Will I ever be okay again? His replay came with the most genuine sincere voice You could ever hear. “I Love u and which ever way you choose to love me is your choice.”

I am Broken I am torn I am told to let it go and just let him back in? No, I can’t !!! Never again. I was alone and yet I had a Home.  I had my own room which I wasn’t aloud to lock just Incase he decided that he didn’t want to knock. He touched me  he told me to **** his ****. He made everyone else GO away. He made me eat healthy so I would loose waight so I could be thin. So I could look good for him? When I tried to leave he threw me Threw door and my mirror was broken all around me on the floor.

I Hate him. I hate that he got away with what he did. I hate that I am still trapped in my mind with these pictures stuck on rewind. I hate that everyone thinks I can just let it go and move on.  As if it’s a choice as if  its a right I can choose. Even to this day 18 years later I’m still stuck stuck stuck I Hate you You **** !!!!

14 years of marriage. I still wear All my cloths to bed because he robbed me of who me could had been. I guess they All did. I’m left thinking how can I ever be loved if that’s the only love I’ve ever known of. This isn’t MY fault it never was and won’t ever be. Tell that to my family who suffers along side me. Tell that to my husband who doesn’t understand why I just can’t touch him.

It’s not over. Will it ever be? Maybe not for me. So please Don’t ask me to pretend that he didn’t hurt me. You will have to please Forgive  me if my wounds are still bleeding. It’s Amazing what you can live threw without dying. I’m still here and I’m still trying.
I can’t believe anyone could ask me to be around him. It’s NOT okay.  I will never be okay with what happened. It happened it was real it was Wrong; HE was wrong HE is what happened It happened to ME. He didn’t go to jail yet I’m the one trapped in this Hell
CMB