I am not perfect
I am an imperfect mess
These flaws make me, me

I am not perfect
I will never try to be
Perfect is a lie

I am not perfect
I love my imperfections
Who wants to be perfect?

sometimes,
i dream long enough
to imagine another life
when you and i
were on fire
where i was your queen
where you filled my lungs with laughter

sometimes,
i dream long enough
that an imprint of your memory
is left on my retina
so all i can see is the king of comedy
who held my heart
in another life

Some things are inevitable
Some things are out of our control
The day your spouse cheats on you
The day your parent leaves this world
These are things we do not have a hold on

We like to think we call the shots
We like to think we are in command
Don't be fooled into thinking that you can play God
Life is a game of luck and random chance
You do not get to pick your hand
We are not the designer of this plan

Some things are inevitable
The grave is one of those
The first step to peace is finding release
So take a deep breath and let go

in the deep i found a treasure
on the far side of never
never dared to venture
deeper than what's deemed safer
never been discovered
never been claimed
i didnt claim the treasure
it wasnt mine to own
so i swam back to the surface
back to the familiar
back to what is known

Who is the person in the mirror?
Today I see me
Yesterday I saw Jesus
The day before that I saw a queen

Every day seems to be different
Even though I have not changed
My perception is messed up
Or I'm insane

Who is the person in the mirror
Does it even matter at all?
When I go out in public
I am invisible

I never knew your name
I never knew your face
Until the day they lowered me
Into my grave

You thought you were invisible
When they passed you in the street
Are you still invisible
If nobody can see?

I never truly knew you
Till we met on the other side
Funny how a story changes
When you are granted sight

I know you think you're invisible
You are not
They are in fact completely blind
You are a chosen one in the land of the lost

That mirror in the bedroom
Plays tricks on a beautiful mind
Put there to confuse but you only lose
If you believe their lies

I know you think you're invisible
We sometimes believe what we are told
I have always seen you
I'm the truth within your soul

i was always ahead of the game
i wrote the rules
decided who played
if you control the stakes
it doesnt matter how badly they lose
it isn't your loss
it isn't happening to you

I am Jane Doe
My identity is unknown
I am a face without a name
A pile of mysterious bones

Home is a place you left
A place you wanted to forget
It was there you learnt that love is fabricated

Joy was a woman you met
Along the way to happiness
She had a tambourine and a sunny temperament

Home is a place you made
A place you hope to always remember
It was there you learnt that love is what you make it

I heard her screaming
Pitiful cries of agony
I would have gone to her rescue
Saved her from the abuse
Instead memories filled my mind
Of countless times she made me cry
So I left her there in her despair
I finally had karma on my side

I would rather die kind
Than live in your evil kingdom

You wanted me as your Queen
But dear that would be sacrificial slaughter

I would rather die kind
Than play your evil game

You are not my King
My King is pure and brave
And you...
You are just a tragic waste

I thought I knew everything that I needed to know
Until she walked into the room
Suddenly I needed to know her story
I needed to know more

I pondered the thought of insanity
Taking the time to weigh it all up
Feeling the pressure of all consequence
Should I slip up

I began to sift through old recordings
Stashed away in the hope of amnesia
I dusted them off, anticipating
But ready to begin

For in those broken hours formed a lady
Designed by an autistic artist
Those flaws seemed so beautifully *****
Bringing flowers and gifts to her room

I recognised her face in the photograph
Much more dusty than ever before
For the life of me I could not remember her name
She was gorgeous

I endeavoured to find out her meaning
Her purpose, her lifestyle, her goals
In reality, she never knew me
Oh, but I knew her!

Scratching below layer upon layer
Stumbling numb towards truth
Wanting so much, all those flowers
And gifts in her room

For in those broken hours formed a lady
A woman romantically perfumed
Weaving in and out of insanity
Yet, always in truth

it was fun to watch you fall down the stairs
until the moment i realised
you had broken your neck

a joke can be so funny
even hilarious
a joke can keep you laughing
long after it's been said

it was fun to watch you falling
to watch you miss your step
but why am i still laughing at your death?

pain is a strange phenomenon
i hate it when it happens
but after it passes
it becomes the most useful learning tool

If you could look through the lens of forgiveness
I wonder what image you would see
If you could clear away the cloud of resentment
I wonder if you'd finally be free

I know you've been hurting through this whole year
I know we never thought that you would meet me here
I know I hurt you like only I know how
I know I don't deserve the grace you're handing out

Tell me, what is the taste of forgiveness?
Does it bring the type of peace that lingers?
I cannot promise you I won't fail you again
But I can promise you I'll love you till the end

I saw you look through the lens of forgiveness
You told me you could see an image of us
A marriage once broken was healing
Forgiveness was your epic expression of love

she called me beautiful
she called me magical
she called me creative
she called me underrated
she called me generous
she called me modest
she called me everything that she desires
i called her a ******* liar

You have not changed
I have to walk away
There is no shame in knowing your limitations

Darkness lingers here because the wounds are deeper
Healing is hard when you don't want to get better
Darkness lingers here because you are a special kind of sick
The reality of death being your dearest wish

everyone who lives will die
not everyone who dies
has lived

this monologue is getting repetitive
and
rather


lonely.

Look at me just long enough to know you don't like what you see

Talk to me just long enough to know you want to leave

Keep me around just long enough to know I take up too much space

Find the words just cruel enough to let me know I am only a drain

Notice my absence just long enough to know that you made a mistake

You can have everything and still want more
You can be a ****** and be called a *****
You can win the battle but lose the war
Forgetting what you were fighting for

You can receive praise but still want first place
You can have the present moment and want yesterday
You can go to church to lose your faith
Because the God of love created people who hate

You can have everything and still want more
You can do evil and be adored
You can lose the battle and win the war
Knowing what you were fighting for

I get lost in the crowd
The invisibility covers my identity

My voice gets lost in the noise
They can't hear my words and God it hurts

I get lost in the crowd
Their negativity downs out my identity

My voice gets lost in the noise
So I shout so loud I drown them out

the communication was lost between us
like a broken radio connection
the static was deafening
your voice
faded
into
nothing

What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with you?
We believe in love only when we see proof

I listen to Ani DiFranco  
When I want to be inspired
She fills my tortured soul
With lyrical fire

I listen to Ani DiFranco
When I want to hear wisdom
Any given song
Is a musical politics lesson

I listen to Ani DiFranco
When I want to be inspired
She fills my poetic soul
With lyrical fire

the madness crept into your reality
clouding the truth
corrupting your soul
stripping your innocence
the madness took over your reality
now your identity is blurred
and who you are
is not
who you were.

magic.
the very first breath of a brand new baby

magic.
the unsuspecting kiss from a teenage crush

magic.
walking down that isle towards your forever person

magic.
front stage at the concert of your favourite musician

magic.
the moment you discover that you are a poet

*****
no
amount
of
makeup
can
hide
that
toxicity