I was strewn out over the covers on your bed.
You were criss-cross on the carpet,
your long legs straining against the fabric of your jeans.

We caught each others glance and held it as the seconds,
then minutes went by.

You were the first to speak:
"If you ever look at me like that again,
I will ****** you.
I know what you were thinking."

I laughed,then asked you what you meant;
how did you know what was in my head?

You said-
"You were looking at me like,
what the **** did I ever see in you?
How was I ever so foolish?
I wasted all my time on him ?"

And I laughed again, slowly, then quickly.

That was never what crossed my mind.

But it's what I'm thinking now.

You and your reckless abandon made me feel beautiful.
I felt like Christmas lights in October,
still shining bright, still hung.

And one day,
as you held me softly in your arms,
you told me you loved me.

I was the only real "family" you had left.
On account of your father chopping up your mother and all.

Told me you loved me,
the words I've always wanted to hear,
the words I have made my tongue bleed on,
the words I have broken my jaw with trying to keep
them from coming out.

You told me we will never get married.
Told me to get a boyfriend,
and when I shook my head and said I "don't like anyone" ,
you grabbed my hair in your fist and kissed me,
your wet tongue sliding into my warm mouth.

"Ah, little one. But you like me."

I see you like I would see my father,
you see me like a little sister,
like a young girl half your age you can protect,
can kiss on the head,
can hold close.

A girl you can **** from behind, your fingers in my mouth.
A 19 to your 38.

A girl you introduce as "I see her as a little sister"
while you have my scent on your thighs.
A girl you can never marry, but oh god, do you love her.

You told him, with 70 pounds of high grade marijuana on the table: "This is my little girl gone gangster.
I'm leaving for a while but she's holding down my game.
Treat her right and she'll do you the same."

And I will.

In truth, I love to love you and I live to love you.

And I'll take your ***** type of ****** love over not having you.

And so you see that I must go
in to this wild abbis
Where the dark swirls and the light shrinks away.
I'm sorry my love
But the night is calling,
calling me away
The bird song means nothing
And laughter is all for naught
Because I must go dancing,
Dancing to the hill and
to the sea
where the butterflies spin webs of love and the tiger is my friend.

Most girls want to be told that they're pretty.
I just want to be told that I'm very beautiful and completely insane.