I'm a very cheesy fella
and i love a tasty platter
from stretchy mozzarella
through to cubes of feta

i like them very old
like Camembert and brie
i wait until they turn to mold
to be inside of me

i like them very smelly
crumbly soft or squeaking
at the supermarket deli
my lips already licking

then tasting can begin
with a few red wines
which release my cheesy grin
and cheesy pick up lines

I think I've worked it out
what life is all about

and money wasn't it
or being super fit

meanwhile to my surprise
love didn't take the prize

but after thinking for so long
and smoking/drinking things too strong

I felt a sudden wow
that life is about now

Love is like a squid
really odd and weird
all this time it hid
then suddenly appeared

Making you fall deep
down to the oceans floor
taking a giant leap
where you've not been before

and suddenly it's gone
sometimes in a blink
but poems like this live on and on
written with it's ink

I am who I am
and that is all that I'll achieve
I failed trying to be Sam
and couldn't quite be Steve

I almost made it being John
but then it got too much
and when I decided to be Ron
I felt being out of touch

so I resigned just to be me
at least I feel at ease
and all day long I can be free
that even Sam agrees

Every day will be a gift
even grey and rainy Mondays
because eventually all the clouds will lift
and they'll become sunny Sundays

Every night will be the best
even when the wind is screaming
because eventually it will have a rest
and amongst stars we'll be dreaming

Every moment will feel better
and you will shed your last tear
just when you think your winter will get wetter
suddenly the skies will clear

Everyday is a precious gift
The greatest present we call life
Worth more than gold that you can lift
Better than any from your wife

A gift that is filled with surprises
with many truths and sometimes lies
From the first moment the sun rises
Right up until you close your eyes

But when tomorrow comes around
Something for you will be waiting
and another great gift will be found
because each day's worth celebrating

She loved to play with food
and bicarbonate soda
experimenting with meat, she would
while talking just like Yoda

Adding strange things to her tucker
like oregano, dill and thyme
then laughing like she was Chewbacca
which helped these words to rhyme

and all her dishes were a show
theatrical like a play
She performed a long long time ago
in a kitchen far far away

Coco no
You peed inside the house
Coco no
You ripped my brand new blouse

Coco no
You chewed my Nike shoes
Coco no
For that there's no excuse

Coco no
You made the postman run
Coco no
Now letters I'll get none

Coco no
You're such a naughty puppy
Coco don't go
Because no one makes me so happy

Freedom does not exist
We'll always be in chains
under someone else's fist
pulling on our reins

Following some made up scheme
Fed with blatant lies
Told we are part of a team
yet no one hears our cries

Drowning in a world of rules
from law books off the shelf
It's why freedom is for fools
and only you can free yourself

Last night I had a chat with God
We used to talk much more
So I guess it was rather odd
that he knocked on my door

We spoke about the usual stuff
with lots of questions why
Some serious one's, some worth a laugh
some even made us cry

Our evening lasted for so long
but before God said good night
She said the answer's in a Bob Marley song
and everything's gonna be alright

"Can I go to the toilet please"
was the first sentence I was taught
After arriving from overseas
when my English equalled naught

Then I learned a few more sentences
like "She'll be right" and "G'Day mate"
meaning soon there were many instances
when I was forced to mum translate

Now my English is just so much better
though when I speak it still sounds funny
or when writing poems or a letter
especially while I'm in the dunny

my boomerang won't come back
because it's made in China
i should have had a better check
and read the fine print finer

my didgeridoo will not play
because it's made in Bali
apparently it's also made from clay
and perfect for Diwali

my painting has lost all it's dots
it's made in Bangladesh
only yesterday there were lots
but today sits in the trash

my patience now is wearing thin
on toast with Vegemite
i wonder where it's been made in
that my dog will not bite

Erik was not a social guy
a quiet life he led
his eyes looked down or at the sky
imaginary friends he had

and to these friends he only talked
having no sisters and no brothers
he had his room securely locked
and never spoke with others

until Deborah moved next door
and turned on her bedroom light
lifting his eyes from the floor
Erik found his star at night

soon they were as tight as glue
a love no one could end
then Erik introduced Deborah to
his each and every friend

when you're diving until
you see a big fat eel
that's a moray

when you're seeing a fish
too big for a dish
that's a whale

when you see a commotion
deep underneath the ocean
it's no seal

bells will ring ting a linga ling
ting a linga ling ting a linga ling
you're a meal

A wicked witch lived in my room
and on me cast a spell
each night on her black evil broom
she took me down to hell

There in it's darkness I would stay
and in it's fires burn
I searched but couldn't find a way
and to the light return  
  
then suddenly a bright star would appear
and all my eyes could see  
that an angel was now living here  
when I saw you next to me

The fastest way into your heart
was directly through the chest
and so I grabbed my every dart
aiming with my utmost best

I had to get there really fast
before the others could
and so I had to win your trust
so you can see I'm good

Then suddenly you let me in
and your first love I became
Now I think you actually let me win
because how dreadful was my aim

the voices in my head
they are getting louder
about explosives things are said
dynamite and gunpowder

about grenades and missiles
some of them are speaking
others about projectiles
or bombs with a clock ticking

this talk about death and destruction
is lighting up my fuse
i think i may need a reduction
from watching the daily news

Sometimes I think to myself
Why am I so odd
Not from a book that's off the shelf
a blunder made by God

Completely different than the rest
by strange things motivated
You'd classify me as a pest
so why was I created ?

Perhaps I'm simply a mistake
or maybe I'm part alien
It's best that during my lunch break
I ask my librarian

Science and Religion
never best of friends
like a cat and a pigeon
a bond that quickly ends

yet to heavens they both look
in search of inspiration
and they're reading some fat book
for an explanation

and they're filled with so much hope
that there is an answer
looking for it in the pope
or when they join Mensa

could it be their destination
always same has been
and it's there in an equation
hidden in john 3:16

Most of us lead normal lives
blissfully uneventful
happy with our nine to fives
for the weekends thankful

Satisfied with the things we eat
and the stuff we own
Thinking our lives are complete
before our candles blown

But myself,  I am so unique
I know there's so much more
so starting maybe from next week
I'll work from eight to four

I have a serious long term plan
but it needs some revamping
because it was written way back when
my interests were girls, bars and camping

So I won't be needing a new tent
or a second hand guitar
and I will not need a place to rent
next to a cocktail bar

To the army I will not enlist
or join the mile high club
I can scratch all of them from my list
but I'll move next to a pub

Laughter is the best medicine
... that's what I heard

My first blind date was a disaster
finishing after the appetizer
The second ended even faster
before my first Budweiser

The third blind date went all so wrong
she said I was a creep
The fourth continued for too long
that she fell asleep

The fifth date actually made me cry
but I'll be fine again
before my sixth blind date I'll try
drinking Heineken

i like bright orange sunsets
and long walks by the beach
this helps to ease the sudden onsets
of my persistent itch

i like candlelit dinners
and staring at the stars
and you might quickly catch a glimmer
of my post acne scars

i like to sip expensive wine
and a large pina colada
if you do too you'll love to dine
with me and with my mother

so if you like orange sunsets too
jump in my arms and fall
to get to me you must get through
my itch, my warts and all

French sounds so confusing
to speak you need three lips
Polish sounds like you are using
a broom that ******* sweeps

Arabic has a blow fly
stuck inside your throat
and Hebrew i don't know why
like you're stuck inside a goat

Vietnamese sounds like a duck
has just laid an egg
and Cantonese when you pluck
all the feathers from it's leg

German sounds like my ex
the day she caught me cheating
and Mandarin is so complex
it's why Chinese are always spitting

only Italian has a way
of sounding with less sputter
where every word is like a play
and a song from La Traviata

The truth is that I just don't care
but I just want to be somewhere

With you beside me far away
and wait for love to show the way

and I don't care where is this place
as long as it makes both our hearts race

unless of course it's just too dear
so let's do the pub and split a beer

secrets we all keep
some of us keep many
severely they disturb our sleep
till sleep there isn't any

tossing left to right
won't make them go away
with the pillow we all fight
until the break of day

if you let a secret out
it might set you free
till then i will keep up this bout
the pillow versus me

If life gives you lemons
... then all you might need is vitamin D

A diamond is forever
but Cubic Zirconia gives me the time that I need

These days all that I look forward to
is a lazy lazy Sunday
before I'm thrown back inside the zoo
on a crazy crazy Monday

In a cage with lions, wolves and snakes
and silly chimpanzees
Allowed only two five minute breaks
from stinging busy bees

I count each minute until five
then bolt free like a horse
so I can breathe and briefly feel alive
because a mad mad Tuesdays worse

the ******* actually is
a miniature woman's *****
unlike my own Hercules
its tiny, short and silly

it's very hard to find
nobody knows where it's located
and it seems to have its own mind
once its activated

perhaps were not meant to know
but keep on searching where
so just shut up and get down low
until she moans "right there"

People are all the same
then what is wrong with me ?
A boy with an unusual name
that still sits down to ***

Never once was into cars
or any silly sports
Hated swings and monkey bars
and more so building forts

Where my idea of true love
held a deep frustration
instead I searched the stars above
for an explanation

and that's where I found you
now all that is remaining
is a little help inside the loo
with my toilet training

Once upon a time
I was young and healthy
didn't have a dime
but with life I was wealthy

didn't own a thing
flexing my tiny muscle
but i lived like a king
one without a castle

and now I own so much
I came to learn a truth
there is no money that can touch
the value of your youth

It's time that we relax
so I won't shave today
or remove my ear wax
and let my nose hairs grey

I won't trim my fingernails
or use antiperspirant spray
I won't weight myself on the scales
but throw that thing away

and maybe I won't brush my teeth
or my last hairs comb
but just stay all day underneath
our blanket's where we're home

technology will destroy mankind
i remember said my father
and earth once more will itself find
being a planet like any other

shaking off the human species
as it's greatest curse
tumbling clean from all their feaces
through the universe

so much harm have people done
and evil comes from invention
one day i'll tell this to my son
when i'm on my pension

and then the two bananas fought
about which one bends more
together waiting to get bought
at the grocery store

"my bend is like a perfect smile
I’m peoples favourite type"
said the first one all the while
waiting to get ripe

"but mine like a rainbow bends"
said the other one
"signalling the rain now ends
and welcoming the sun"

and as i both bananas peeled
and with enjoyment ate
there suddenly the truth revealed
it's not fun being straight

Happiness is a cake
with lots and lots of icing
There's no salad you can make
that can be as enticing

It's wonderful for sharing
can be eaten any place
and you can get away with wearing
some of it on your face

and after the party ends
and you've blown out all the candles
you can eat the rest without any pants
wearing nothing but your sandals

Women like to grow their nails
Why ? The answer's simple
It's because there's many males
with an itchy pimple

The greatest city that's on earth
is in Australia mate
It's not Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth
and Sydney's not that great

But it's a very quiet place
that's perfect for a nun
Where every day is not a race
but you can still have fun

Nestled between the sea and hills
filled with many parks
If you're the type that's into thrills
the gulf has great white sharks

but if you're placid and like wines
your dreams can still be made
so come where the sun always shines
you will love Adelaide

Thinking isn't good for us
making us believe we're smart
intelligent and clever plus
it can set us apart

With believing that we're always right
and everyone else is wrong
It can even make us want to fight
feeling powerful and strong

like for example this poem here
has me thinking it's the best
but perhaps the only thing that's clear
is that I need an IQ test

The answers do exist
if you search far and wide
beyond the hanging mist
that's by the mountainside

beyond where the road bends
next where the tall trees grow
the answers my dear friends
somewhere with four winds blow

but don't be too obsessed
with needing to know more
just eat and drink then play and rest
then like a bear snore

All the doer's and the thinkers
have a little snooze
all the gamblers and the drinkers
put down your chips and *****

All the poets and the dreamers
time for a little break
all the plotters and the schemers
there's no move you must make

All the saints and the sinners
don't get on your knees
because we are already winners
just let us nap now, please

My dreams are rather small
and I have no desire
to know, to feel or see it all
or set the world on fire

I want each day to be the same
and every night be clear
Towards the stars my fingers aim
while you're with me here

and I don't want to travel far
to taste some fancy dish
I only need a falling star
for us to make a wish

... and poets will keep on writing
singers keep on singing
countries will continue fighting
with their tails stinging

lovers will continue trying
to find love everlasting
dreamers will continue flying
through their sad days blasting

and haters will continue hating
but let them all continue
while this planet keeps rotating
what matters is what's in you

I used to date...
But now it's just a small, dried fruit

Mary had a little lamb
and a small dessert
then gained another kilogram
and now can't fit into her skirt

most successful people plan
their days and lives ahead
with calculators and a pen
and a bottle of nice red

others are a bit spontaneous
preferring to live risky
they like their drinks more miscellaneous
like beer, *** or whiskey

and then there is a small amount
who without drinking cope
but they don't plan and they can't count
from all day smoking dope

She was a damsel in distress
who ripped her wedding dress

the first time ever it was worn
now was brutally in half torn

with tears rolling down her face
she wished this day she could replace

but as she stumbled down the aisle
her face began to form a smile

she then her veil skywards threw
and let it rip with an "I DO"

hips don't lie
the truth is in the mirror
there is a reason why
you don't look like Shakira

you'll need more than a prayer
to look like Madonna
the longer that you stare
you’ll look more like her nonna

if you those biscuits touch
more truth your hips will gain
and this will not impress me much
and Shania Twain

Take a look around
not just the road ahead
Pull over, listen to the sound
of the wind instead

Taste it's sweetness in the air
hold your head up high
and when the day is in repair
touch the starry sky

Smell the living Earth
Don't just blindly drive
Then scream out like you're giving birth
"thank God I'm alive"